Hot Man, Hot Dog
by Her Sweetness
Summary: Finally, Joey meets 'someone' he's 'interested' in. But this romance causes turmoil all over Domino and Tristan doesn't approve. What secrets will be revealed when Joey has marrage on his mind? A story of overcoming differences for the food you love! YAOI
1. Fuzzy Nipples And First Glances

Her Sweetness: Hello, hello! How are you? Feeling good, I hope? You'll need to feel good because this is my first chapter-fic romance since I began writing, all the way back!

Huzzah! Don't worry, _Heidi_, my other fics will be updated regularly. But I wanna see where this goes, kay? Let's get started!

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part One: Fuzzy Nipples And First Glances.

The fresh nighttime air was blowing through the streets quietly and serenely as music rose above it, decorating the neighborhood in a slightly rowdy, slightly excited aura. In West Domino, the party district, a certain club was the source of this enthusiastic mood. There was a line about a mile long in front of it, people waiting and checking their watches each minute to see when and even if the line was moving.

Towards the front of this line were three teenage boys, two standing side by side and the other was right behind them, leaning on the brick wall of the club.

Tristan looked back at his friend for a second, "Hey, Joey, don't look so bored, man, we're next to get in!"

"Aw, c'mon… I don't know why I let you drag me here, what the hell am I gonna do at a club, huh?" He rolled his eyes, "I might as well go home, there's supposed to be an eight-hour monster movie marathon on tonight."

Otogi, who was standing right next to Tristan, glanced at the blonde like he had lost his mind, "You're kidding, right? Joey, you're lucky we even brought you along! _The Test Tickle_ is the hardest place to get into in all of Domino, it's totally legendary! I've been waiting to go here for _weeks_…"

"Yeah, well I haven't."

Both boys rolled their eyes and turned around as the line moved once again. In about five more minutes they were actually inside, thanks to three fake IDs that a cocaine-addict made for them in his garage. Inside the place, it was dark and lights flashed quickly from time to time over moving bodies who held glow sticks up to the ceiling as they continued to move.

Otogi squealed and before Tristan could say anything, he disappeared into the sea of percolating forms.

Tristan sighed and looked around for his friend but he was no where to be seen. 'Oh, great, I've lost him, too?' He peeked around for a while, not bothering to call Joey's name because he couldn't even hear himself think. After searching the restrooms and the makeout rooms in the back, he finally found his companion sitting at the bar.

Tristan hobbled over and sat on the barstool next to him, both teens facing the growing, vibrating crowds in silence.

"'Ey, can I get yous two anything?" A scratchy voice came from behind them and they turned to meet a bald bartended, dressed up in a white shirt and black apron. A toothpick hung in the corner of his mouth.

Joey blinked and looked at Tristan who shrugged. He turned back to the bartender, "Alright, I'll have… uh, milk?"

"…"

"…"

Both Tristan and the bartender face faulted and the man cleared his throat after recovering, "Listen, this place ain't for kids, the only place you're gonna find milk here is if you milk a pregnant lady."

Joey pouted.

"Eh, just get him a Fuzzy Nipple." Tristan suggested and coughed when the man went to fetch the drink. "Joey, listen, I need to talk to you. It's kinda the reason Otogi and I brought you here tonight. We were kinda thinking that you seemed really lonely and… I dunno, out of touch lately. We think it'd be good if you started… seeing someone."

"… What? Why? I like being single! I'm wild and free and a relationship would only tie me down!"

"Joey, you tried to order milk in a bar! There's something wrong with you, man!"

"What's wrong with milk? I'll have you know that milk helps bones grow!"

"You're _grown_!"

"'Ey, here's you're Fuzzy Nipple." A drink was placed on the bar, right in between the two boys' elbows. Joey looked down at it, unimpressed.

Tristan shoved it in the boys' hand, "Drink, it'll loosen you up and maybe we can get you laid… for once."

"WHA…?" Joey jerked his head up out of surprise and the drink shot out of his nose as he choked dramatically and fell to the floor, turning blue, and tears streaming down his face.

"… Dude, no one likes a drama queen. Shake it off; no one'll even dance with you if you're acting goofy."

Getting over his near-death experiment, Joey regained most of his composure and sat back on his barstool, frowning as he carefully sipped the Fuzzy Nipple. The music in the room changed from that of a rather slow-paced song to a wild, techno song that sped up the dancing of the crowd. It was another few minutes before Joey finished the drink and was feeling pretty good, light-headed and airy; the Fuzzy Nipple was taking effect.

He now starred out at the crowd with a silly little smile on his face, blinking every now and again at Tristan and then turning back. Little did he know that the bartender and Tristan had been locked in conversation since Joey took his first sip and he didn't even realize it.

"So, do you think its working?"

"Dunno. I put one hell of a lot of tequila in it, just like ya asked. That amount would've knocked any other guy out cold, your friend sure has a stomach for alcohol. I bet he doesn't even know it was in there…"

He nodded solemnly, "That's my Joey. Strong as an ox, dumb as a post."

Over on the other stool where the blonde was in a dreamy state of alcohol and fancy ponies that he'd been seeing floating by him, he twirled around on the moveable top and watched as the crowds of people went from side to side. He sighed and sent a glance Tristan's way, 'S'not fair. Why should I be taken out of my house down to some dumb old club and sit here… Otogi's out there shakin' his booty and Tristan's made friends with the nice man who gave me a drink… Guh…'

He slumped backwards a little and tilted his head to the next section of the bar, his drowsy brown eyes blinking once, twice, three times before he convinced himself that it was what he thought it was.

"H-Hey, Tristan…" Joey tugged his friend's sleeve, his eyes never straying from their previous direction.

"Huh?"

"Who's that?"

Tristan blinked and peeked around Joey's hair to see who he was talking about. He looked around and around, a bit confused, then asked, "Oh, you mean that fat guy with the mustard on his cheek?"

"No! That hottie sitting _next_ to the fat guy with mustard on his cheek."

"Oh… um…." He looked some more, "I-I don't see anyone, Joey."

"Dammit, look! Right there!" He grabbed his companion's face and pushed it foreword. Tristan squinted and even polished his eyes balls to see better but he didn't see anyone. "Look, man, I think that Fuzzy Nipple's getting to ya, there is _no one_ else sitting here! Everyone else is out on the dance floor!"

"… Fine, Tristan, be that way. I'll go ask, myself, but I thought you _wanted_ me to get interested in someone." Joey rose from his seat all huffy and strutted over towards the fat guy's seat.

Tristan sat there with a raised eyebrow as he watched curiously to see just who Joey was speaking of. He watched Joey take a seat right next to the fat man and turn to the bar, and shyly speaking to nothing. Tristan blinked and blinked and was puzzled beyond belief until the fat man went away with a disturbed look on his face and then it was clear that Joey was looking and talking directly to a lone hotdog on one of the bar's napkins.

"… Oh my god, he's totally drunk!"

The bartender looked over his shoulder, "Eh, Fuzzy Nipple's do that to ya. There's no harm in it, I guess. Sooner or later, he'll pass out and you can drag him home."

"Y-Yeah but…"

"Hey! Buddy!" A gruff voice came from beside Tristan and the bartender. They whipped their heads around to see the fat man who walked away from Joey just a moment ago. He looked rather pissed, "Is that your friend over there with the blonde hair?"

"Uh, yeah." Tristan answered.

"Well, he's schmoozing with my dinner and I'm still hungry!"

Tristan sweatdropped and coughed, "S-Sorry about that… H-He's drunk, you know… and well…"

"Well, drunk or not, I'm gonna eat something whether you like it or not!" And with that small warning, he bit down, taking a small chunk out of Tristan's leather jacket and upper arm. The bartender's eyes were wide in shock as Tristan went sailing to the ground, flopping around on the floor and the man chewed triumphantly and walked out of the place.

Tristan saw a few people stare at him as he continued to wither in agony.

"Don't just stand there, help me!"

They went back to dancing, paying him no heed. The bartender came back out of the back with a first aid kit and helped Tristan back onto the barstool while he inexpertly tried to bandage the teen's wounds.

Meanwhile, over on the other side of the bar…

"Yeah, so," Joey looked down at the hotdog with a boyish glee in his eyes. Even though, since he came over and introduced himself and had been using all the pickup lines that Tristan used on random people, he'd been striking out. This wiener was one tough cookie. He cleared his throat again, "Is this your first time here?"

"…"

"Yeah, mine too. M-My friends dragged me here; I couldn't stand it at first. But I saw you from over there and so I kinda started to like this place."

"…"

Joey scratched his head, "Could ya say that again? I didn't catch all of it."

"…"

"Oh! Okay. Hey, I like your accent. So, I guess that means you're not from around here, then? Where're you from?"

"…"

"Oh, Oscar Myer? Never heard of that place, but it sounds fun. I'm from the East Side! It's a pretty good neighborhood, but sometimes weird things happen… I-I could show you sometime."

"…"

His eyes glistened, "Really? Yeah, that'd be great!"

"…"

"… Oh, I understand! Yeah, totally. No, I don't put out on the first date, either, but my friend does. Uh-huh, he's a real horn dog. Like this one time, when—"

"Oh, Joey!" All of a sudden, a bouncy, rather high-pitched voice came from behind the two. Joey turned around to see Otogi all sweaty and panting.

"Hi. Tired of being groped?"

"Not really, but Tristan is over there, saying that he's going to die of blood loss if we don't go home. He claims he was attacked by a hungry, fat guy! Do you believe that? I think it's an excuse!"

Joey whined, "Aw, so we're going?"

"Yeah. Oh, who're you talking to over here? You look kind of lonely."

"Oh, I'm not lonely!" He grinned and moved the napkin over so Otogi could see the hotdog who was nestled in a hotdog bun contently. "Otogi, this is Hot Dog. Hot Dog, this is Otogi."

"…" He blinked, "Um… h-hi."

"…"

Joey nodded, "I don't think I wanna go just yet."

"But, Joey, we have to—"

Suddenly, Tristan, dressed in many bandages and a temporary cast made from napkins, came over and grabbed Joey by his hair with his good arm. "Let's go, lover boy!"

"Hey! Tristan, stop it! Let go!" Joey held onto the bar with both hands as Tristan pulled harder. Joey wasn't budging.

"Otogi, will you stop gaping and help me!"

He sighed and pulled on Joey's arm and, after a few minutes of tug-o-war, they managed to tear him away from the bar, kicking and screaming. As they dragged him across the dance floor and out of the door, he was shouting obscenities at his friends. They ignored him though and threw him in the backseat of Otogi's car.

Otogi started the engine up and off they went, down the many streets they had passed getting to the place.

Joey had starred out of the window in sorrowful silence for a few minutes before Tristan looked at him through the rearview mirror and groaned, "Oh, Joey, man, stop that."

"Tristan, you said you wanted me to meet someone!"

"… Doesn't the word 'someone' fall under the definition of a person?" He half snickered as Otogi was grinning, holding back chuckles.

The blonde shook his head, "Not really…"

"Joey, just go to sleep, we'll be home before you know it."

"… Fine." He sighed again and leant his head on the car door, watching the streetlights go by and neon signs from other dance clubs. He figured it was around eleven o' clock at night and that meant he'd missed most of his movie marathon, but somehow that didn't really matter. 'I hope I can see that beautiful wiener again…'

* * *

**_TBC…_**

Her Sweetness: So, review if you want this continued.


	2. Blueberry Days

Her Sweetness: Hi there! I'm writing another chapter of my lovey-dovey fic and I have just one thing to say to all those who giggled and tee-heed at me! Shame on you! This is a SERIOUS, angsty, romance, I'll have you know!

The _nerve_ of some people…

Nah, just kidding, laugh yourselves silly.

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Two: Blueberry Days

Joey's eyes flew open as he felt the car coming to a screeching halt and, before he knew it, he was being tossed out on his butt, hitting the curb. A bit disoriented, he blinked and rubbed his eye only to see Otogi and Tristan in the front seats of the car and the back door wide open which was where he guessed he had gotten flung out of.

After a bit of confusion, the blonde's eyes narrowed at his friend, "Tristan! What'd you do that for?"

He shrugged and motioned towards Otogi, "_I_ didn't do anything. Ask _him_."

Joey looked to the other boy in question.

"Ugh! Because you were _drooling_ all in the backseat and this happens to be Corinthian leather! Do you even know how much I paid for this? Huh? Y-You don't; you just don't! So, thanks to you, I have to get it professionally cleaned!" Otogi was obviously beyond ticked as he slammed the door shut and the Mercedes zoomed off, leaving Joey on the street, more or less bewildered.

"… Oh well." He got up off the pavement and turned around, surprised to see his apartment building right in front of him. 'Well, at least they didn't leave me in the ghetto.' He looked around and sighed, 'Wait a minute, I _live_ in the ghetto…!'

Upon realizing that, he hurried on inside before the gangs showed up and started target practice with his hair again. The door opened after he'd found his key in his many pockets and when he turned on the lights in the living room, they didn't go on.

"What…? B-But I paid the electric bill!" He shouted into the air and after a moment of silence, he scratched his head, thoughtfully, "Or… maybe that was the grocery bill… Oh whatever. It doesn't matter; I'll just rough it tonight!"

Seeing as how Joey had failed to pay the electric bill, when he looked in his refrigerator, all his food had spoiled as it had been turned off early in the day. It was rather cold outside as well and he had no heat and to make matters worse, he had bullet holes the size of meatballs going all through his apartment, which was really the size of a shack.

So he sat on his floor/bed and snuggled up into his blanket/rag. After about three or four hours of freezing his butt off in his cold tenement room and his teeth chattering together, his whole body went numb and he couldn't feel anything anymore, for which he was grateful. As he drifted off into a frozen dreamland, he heard the theme song from Hamtaro.

"…" He looked around for his cell phone, grumbling to himself, "Damn, Otogi, I know that was you who changed my ring tone…"

Finally realizing that he was using his cell phone as his pillow, he grabbed it and flipped it open, answering the ringing groggily, "Hello?"

"Hello, is there a Joseph Wheeler that lives here?"

"Uh… yeah." He blinked, "This is me, who's this?"

"It's James. You know, the bartender at _The Test Tickle_."

Joey nodded slowly and thought for a minute before saying, "Oh, yeah. Um, how'd you get my number?"

"Your pointy-haired friend handed it out all over the bar. He said you were desperate and that you needed to get some and to call if anyone was interested."

"Oh……………… Wait, _that's_ not why you're calling, is it?"

"What? No! You sick, little freak, I'm calling because I needed to ask you something. See, um, it's like three in the morning now and we've got to close, but um, your friend here isn't leaving. So, I wanted to know if you've recovered from being drunk and can I just throw this hotdog away?"

"Ah… Hot Dog's still there? And just what the hell do you mean by throwing Hot Dog away, huh? You can't do that! Is this how _The Test Tickle_ treats its costumers?"

James almost dropped the phone, snickering and tittering quietly. He put the receiver back up to his ear while he restrained his laughter and sighed, 'I guess he's still in pony world. Better not upset a drunken person, though… Especially one with that bad a haircut, there's no telling what he'd do… Hmm.'

"Hey? You still there?" Joey asked, hearing nothing but silence for a while.

"Yeah. Alright, listen kid… I know this thing means a lot to ya, so I won't throw it away. But I sure as hell ain't keeping it here, so I'll just drive it on home… How's that sound?"

"Okay. Do you know Hot Dog's address?"

"… _Sure_." He lied.

"Great." He smiled cutely and then blinked, whispering into the phone, "Oh, and… if it's not too much trouble, tell Hot Dog that I said hi and to have a good night…"

"… Alrighty, then, I'll be sure to tell 'em."

"Later."

"See ya."

The line went dead and James set the phone back on the cradle. He sighed, looking around the empty club. All the table tops had been cleaned and the chairs were stacked neatly on top. Their janitor had just finished mopping the floors and had left. James was the only one left, or so he had previously believed. He then looked down on the counter and saw a rather dried looking hotdog sitting on a napkin. He was surprised no one had eaten it yet, but called that Joey kid to verify.

He now looked at the wiener and shrugged, "I guess it's just you and me, then."

"…"

"Well, let's go."

James thought about the fact that he had just talked to a hotdog and shrugged it off, picking it up and heading out, locking the club's doors behind him and walking out onto the sidewalk, lined with small planted trees, white flowers sparkling under early morning stars.

After picking up a cardboard box that lay by the wayside and setting it upright by one of the trees, James put the hotdog inside the box and looked around quickly, making sure no one had seen his strange act of kindness.

When he saw that no one was around, he waved timidly and got into his beat up, BMW and drove down the streets, leaving poor Hot Dog to fend for itself.

* * *

It was around ten o' clock in the morning, the next day and the sun was shining faithfully all across Domino. In one of the houses on the East Side, Otogi's house, Tristan had stopped by around seven, insisting to be let in because his mom's cat had eaten all his fish and he was hungry. Of course, Otogi let him in but regretted it as, less than an hour later, he had no fish left.

There was a light screen of smoke floating in the house, mainly coming from the kitchen. Tristan opened the all the windows in the house and the neighborhood groaned in aggravation as they knew what terrible act was being committed. Otogi was cooking again.

"Jeez! Otogi, what are you making, liver? It smells like someone died in here!"

"Ugh! For your information, _Tristan_, I'm making blueberry pancakes. And if you're going to behave like that, you can't have any!"

"… That was supposed to be a threat?"

"You're so evil, Tristan!"

Tristan blinked and went back to reading his magazine, _Motor Monthly_, in the living room where he was currently stationed. He sat in a cushy, lounge chair by an open window, sucking on the clean air that filtered through. In a second, he heard a shrill, girly scream from the kitchen.

He turned the page, "Did you cut something off again, Otogi?"

"No, my dough is rising!"

'… I could say something perverted, but I won't…' He thought before turning the page again.

"Oh no! The blueberries!"

"Did you drop them?"

"No, they're attacking! Back, back, I say!"

"… I think you're inhaling a little too much smoke in there, buddy. You should probably sit down somewhere."

"Ah ha ha ha! Viva la France!"

"…" He got up and took a step away from his chair, leaving behind the magazine. "Hey, Otogi? Did you hit your head or something? Is it time to go visit the hospital again?"

Before he could set foot into the kitchen, the phone on the small table by the chair began ringing furiously. Tristan looked at the kitchen door strangely as no more noise or strange battle cries echoed from out. He sighed and picked up the receiver, "Otogi's house, Tristan speaking."

"Hey, Tristan!"

"… Joey?"

"Yup!"

"Oh, hi. Heh heh, how're you feeling? Any hangovers to speak of?"

"Uh, not really. I had a hard time sleeping last night, though, because the cops mistook a Girl Scout troop for gang members and then… well, let's just say there was a lot of commotion."

"Awesome. Hey, how'd you know I was here?"

"I called your house first and your mom said you went over to the pansy's house."

"… Oh."

"So, anyway," Joey was rocking his cell phone happily by his ear as he stood out on the sidewalk in front of his apartment. In the daytime it was safe to walk the streets of the ghetto and so he stood unharmed, "I need to ask a favor."

Tristan thought this would be the opportune time to poke fun, "Does this favor have anything to do with hotdogs?"

"Yep."

"…"

"I was wondering if you could give me a ride to Hot Dog's place. I managed to get the address from James, you know the bartender at _The Test Tickle_, and he let me speak to Hot Dog early this morning."

"… Joey. Have you been drinking since last night?"

"Nope. The only thing I even had was that one Fuzzy Nipple… But then, I'm great with liquor, I never get drunk or anything."

"…"

"Tristan? You there?"

"Let me get this straight. Last night, at the club, you _weren't_ drunk?"

"No. Why?"

"… I-I don't believe you! You were drunk, you had to be! You should've seen yourself, you were hitting on a piece of meat!"

Joey nodded, "Hot Dog, right?"

"Uh… Yeah…"

"Yep, it worked too, cause when I talked to Hot Dog this morning, I talked 'em into going on a date with me! Which is why I need you to pick me up, my bike's been impounded." Joey looked at his watch, "Can you be here in about twenty minutes? I'm right in front of my apartment."

"… Okay, Joey. I'll come pick you up." He said calmly and thought, 'I'll pick you up and smack you around.'

"Great! See ya, then."

"Bye."

Tristan put the receiver down and, after a moment of thinking, he turned back to the kitchen door and called to his friend, "Otogi! I'm going to get Joey!"

"…"

"… Otogi? You still in there?"

When there was no answer again, Tristan groaned and walked in, his eyes popping out of his sockets when he saw what had happened. The whole room was veiled in a thick sheet of smoke, but he could see pancake batter everywhere and a rolling pin on the floor next to Otogi. He was in the worst shape of all, covered in blueberry juice and his eyes rolling around in their sockets.

"W-What did you do to yourself?"

"B-Blueberries… blueberries, mommy…"

"… What the hell is going on with everyone today!"

"They… were just so pretty… b-blueberries, mommy… blueberries…"

* * *

About twenty minutes later, Tristan was on his motorcycle and racing through the streets a little faster than usual. He had promised Joey he'd be there by around 10:45 but taking care of Otogi took a little longer than expected. He actually didn't have time to drop him off at the hospital (he doubted it was that serious anyway) and so he dropped him off at Yugi's to recover and bug them for a while.

Another turn of the corner and he was pulling up right beside Joey who was dressed in a deep blue t-shirt which said 'Firefly' and a pair of jeans. As the motorcycle stopped, Tristan took off his helmet and looked at Joey from top to bottom.

"And just why do _you_ look so spiffy?"

He smiled, "Eh, no reason. Just felt like it."

"Sure… Listen, Joey, I think I have a few words to say to you. And it's about this whole hotdog thing, I think you're taking it a bit too far and—"

"Not now, buddy, I've got places to be." Joey had already hopped onto the back of the motorcycle and had his arms loosely attached to Tristan's waist. "Let's go, you were five minutes late getting here, you know."

"… Yeah, I know." He started it up and off they went. While they were going down a street, Tristan asked, "So, where exactly are we going?"

"Hot Dog's place."

"… That hotdog has a house?"

"From what I gather, James set Hot Dog up with a place last night. I shudder to think where that beautiful wiener was before… It's kinda sad when I think about it."

"Yeah, well, it's kinda _weird_ when _I_ think about." They turned a corner and the light turned red before they could keep going. Tristan cracked his neck, "So… where does this hotdog of yours live?"

"Um…" Joey blushed and giggled, burying his face into Tristan's jacket, "Tristan, I don't think Hot Dog's exactly _mine_… yet… A-Ah he he he!"

"… Ya don't say…"

"Oh, yeah, um James said it's right by _The Test Tickle_, so just go there…"

"Alright." He said and they were off once again when the light turned green. It didn't take very long and before either of them knew it, they were on the West Side again and pulling up in front of that famous nightclub. To both their surprises, James was standing in front of the place, right next to a tree and a little cardboard box beside it.

Joey got off first and walked up to the bartender who, because it wasn't opening time, was in normal street wear.

"Where's Hot Dog's house?"

"Ah… oh, um, right there…" He pointed to the cardboard box and Joey blinked, crouching down and seeing the hotdog sitting in there.

"W-Why does Hot Dog live in a box?" He shouted, turning to James.

James groaned, shaking his head, "Well, it was short notice! What did you want me to do, take the thing home? My dogs would eat it!"

"This isn't where a fine cute of meat such as Hot Dog should be!"

Tristan rolled his eyes, "It should _be_ a garbage can…"

…

_**TBC…**_


	3. The Sweetest Thing

Her Sweetness: Hey, sorry I'm late! Here ya go!

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Three: The Sweetest Thing

Cars rolled by on this warm, summer day, through the streets of the West side. Bugs made annoying sounds in the trees right above the heads of the people who were standing in front of The Test Tickle. They had been there for only about two minutes, since Tristan and Joey had pulled up but now it seemed that the cars that were once zooming along now slowed, captivated by the spectacle that was unfolding on the sidewalk.

Joey was shouting at James now, having already put Hot Dog in Tristan's hand despite the protests he received, "Is this where Hot Dog was for the whole night?"

"Aw, c'mon, kid! What the heck could've happened, huh?"

"Hello? Didn't you think that some pervert could've come along and ra—"

"Alright, don't go any further!" Tristan interjected before the unspeakable could be spoken, "This is getting ridiculous, lower your voice before people start talking!"

Joey twisted his mouth, glaring at Tristan for a second before sighing and turning around to his friend who help his object of affection in his hand, "Well, I didn't come here to argue anyway. Hot Dog, are you ready to go?"

"…"

"Great! Hey, Tristan, came here for a sec…" Joey whispered in his buddy's ear, "I'm broke, so you don't mind paying for lunch and a movie, do you?"

"… I am not spending my money on a hotdog!"

"C'mon, do it for me!"

"Joey Wheeler, if you do not eat this hotdog, I will commit you!"

His eyes bugged out of his head as he turned cherry red all over, "T-Tristan! God, why do you have to be so obscene, huh?"

"Just what are you talking about now?"

"You're just a sick person. Which is why you don't disserve all the cool things you have." Immediately, Joey grinned and snatched Tristan's wallet from out of his back pocket, putting it in his own pocket. Before Tristan could react, Joey had snatched Hot Dog out of his hand and walked up to his motorcycle, "Hey, Tristan, your bike ain't big enough for the three of us."

"… What do you mean? It's two people, we rode here like that."

"Ahem." Joey jiggle the weiner in his hand, "I think you're forgetting someone, Tristan. Jeez, you're so rude. I'm sorry, Hot Dog; he can be a real jerk sometimes."

"…"

"You've got such a big heart."

Tristan gripped his hair and shouted, "He's losing his mind!"

James, who had been standing propped up against a tree until now, shrugged, "Hey, if it's that big a deal, you guys can take my car. I mean, I don't really need it, I can walk to my guitar lesson, you know."

"Really? Hey, James, you rock!" Joey shouted, being tossed the keys to the BMW and hopped right in. Tristan groaned when he was summoned and thought, mournfully, that he should've stayed home today.

* * *

At the Kame Game Shop, back on the East Side, two teenage boys had been imposed upon about fifteen minutes ago when Tristan had dropped be and given then Otogi, mumbled something about hotdogs and Jeoy and then sped off on his motorcycle in a hurry.

Yugi, of course, being the sweet boy he is, didn't turn Otogi away as he was his friend, but having him over was always a bit of a hassle. He would complain about everything and make weird comments that Yugi didn't really get.

He was currently on the couch in their living room with a washcloth and scrubbing the blueberry juice off of Otogi's skin. Otogi had thrown his clothes off as soon as he had entered because he said he needed the washed immediately and was now dressed in only a sheer, light blue night robe that hung loosely around his arms and waist.

"So, Otogi, what happened to you?"

"Oh, it was just terrible! Yugi, there were blueberries everywhere and… and they all attacked me…! Little, ol' me, oh the pain!" He wailed while Yugi scrubbed his arm. "Picture it! There I was, in my 'Kiss My Rolling Pin' apron in my own kitchen and out of no where, a blueberry jumps out of the cup and hits me in the eye! Before I knew it, the all started to rebel!"

"Ya don't say…"

"And that Tristan…!" He sat back up, scowling, "He didn't help me at all! Him and his stupid magazines and his stupid Joey! I mean, really! Joey! Ha! Yugi, tell me right away, who's more important, me or Joey?"

"The boy sighed, "Otogi, I can't—"

"Yug-eeeeeeeee!" He squealed.

"A-Alright! You are, Otogi, you're more important! Jeez!"

"Oh, Yugi, you're just the sweetest thing…" Otogi grinned happily and pulled Yugi into a tight embrace, snuggling his hair, "From now on, I'll only make pancakes for you…"

Yugi managed to wiggle away, "No thanks, I'm… I'm not really a fan of pancakes…"

Before Otogi had a chance to say anything, footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs. Both teens turned to see Yami coming down the stairs with a rather perturbed look on his face. He sighed, "Your clothes are washing, Otogi…"

"Did you put my shirt in cold water?"

"Yes, Otogi."

"Did you wash my underwear by hand?"

"Yes, Otogi."

"Did you make sure to use Xtra?"

"Yes, Otogi!"

He smiled and reclined back, sticking out his blueberry stained leg for Yugi to clean, "You're so sweet, remind me to thank you later. I would do it now, but I've been viciously attacked and that idiot Tristan _abandoned_ me!"

"I wonder why…" Yami rolled his eyes, but Otogi either didn't notice or didn't care.

Yugi was inwardly gagging as he was silently forced to wash Otogi's shaved legs. It was only halfway up the first one when Yugi looked around and realized that Otogi didn't have any berry juice on his legs. He shot the raven-haired boy a glance, "Hey, Otogi, there's no juice on your legs, you know."

"Hmm? Oh, I know, Yugi. But don't worry about it, it feels really good."

Yugi almost chocked on air and Yami was about to object, but was stopped by the ringing of the telephone in the corner of the room. He sulked and walked over to the phone, picking it up and watched with narrowing eyes over on the couch as Otogi told Yugi that he missed a spot.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Hey, Yami, is that you?"

"Tristan?"

"Yeah. Could ya do me a favor and put Otogi on the line? It's important."

"Gladly…" He held the phone down and called over to the couch, "Otogi, Tristan's calling for you."

A huge pout took over Otogi's face and he huffed, quirking an eyebrow, "Oh, really now? Humph! Fine, but you'll have to bring the phone to me, Yami. Yugi's not done yet."

He cursed mentally and stomped over to the couch, holding out the phone, "Here." He said as he dropped it in the teen's hand.

Otogi smiled, "Thanks, Yami, you're a doll." He turned to the phone, his sweet voice gone down the drain, "Tristan!"

"Yeah, hi, Otogi."

"What? Don't you hi me! Have you forgotten what happened not thirty minutes ago? Have you?"

"… Maybe…"

"You're just an animal! What do you want?"

Tristan fidgeted with the phone, shifting it to his other hand, "Listen, I'm at _Le Merde_, you know that French restaurant over on 59th? Well, I'm here with Joey on a date—"

"OH! You're dating Joey!" He screeched, flailing around and kicking Yugi in the face, "I'll never forgive you!"

"Dammit, Otogi, calm down! I'm not dating Joey, I'm here because he stole my money to date a hotdog!"

"… Oh."

"I just called to tell you that he's lost his _mind_ and I don't know when I'll be back to pick you up, that's all."

Tristan could hear relief in Otogi's voice, "Alright, Tristan. Don't worry about me, I'll just have Yugi wash the rest of me while he's at it."

Before hanging up, he heard Yugi whine and Yami shouting and hollering. Tristan set the phone on the cradle and turned around, shaking his head. He'd used the phone in the back of the restaurant by the bathrooms, not only to phone Otogi but to get away from Joey for five seconds. He was driving the teen insane, talking to a hotdog. Tristan just couldn't understand it.

He made his way into the large dining room again that was littered with tables and waiters with fake French accents and wedgies all the way up their butts. He maneuvered through them and reseated himself at the table where his best friend and his best friend's 'date' were seated.

"Oh, hey, Tristan." Joey said, looking away from the hotdog that was seated across the small, candlelit table, "Hot Dog and I were just talking about you."

He rolled his eyes, "Oh _really_?"

"Uh-huh." He nodded, turning back to the piece of meat that was on a highchair, "Tell him what you said, it was so hilarious."

"…"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Tristan almost fell over out of shock when he heard Joey die of laughter at absolutely nothing. It took about five minutes of Joey banging his fists on the table and almost going into a laughing-induced coma. When he was back to semi-normal, he took in a breath.

"Ooh, man, that gets me every time!"

"… What gets you?" Tristan asked, looking quite confused.

Joey frowned and turned to Hot Dog, "Don't worry about him, he just doesn't understand your accent very well. But it was funny, trust me!" He leaned in a whispered, "Besides that, your joke might've been too highbrow for him. Tristan's just not as smart as some people."

"…"

"… I _know_ you're not gossiping about me with a piece of meat."

"Maybe I am. And stop referring to Hot Dog as a piece of meat! It's totally degrading, how would you like it if I called you a piece of meat? Wouldn't you feel like all anyone wanted to do was fondle you? You really need to have more respect, man."

"… Joey, I'd like to speak with you—"

Before Tristan could finish his sentence, a waiter who was fiddling with his fake mustache, walked over to their table and cleared his throat, "Bonjour, and welcome to _Le Merde_. Have you gentlemen decided yet?"

"Um, yeah." Joey said, looking down at his menu quickly, "I'll have those weird snails on a plate. I've always wanted to try those… Hey, you don't get them straight from the ground, do you?"

"… No." The waiter shook his head slowly before turning to Tristan, "And what will you be having?"

"Oh. Um, just a glass of water…"

"Very well, then. Your meals will be out shortly." He nodded and turned on his heel, but as soon as he was leaving, Joey called him back.

"Hey! You didn't take all of our orders!"

He blinked strangely and turned back around, "Oh, I am so sorry… Who… Who else is there besides this young man and yourself?"

Joey rolled his eyes and motioned to the hotdog in the highchair as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. The waiter blinked extremely slowly and then looked at Tristan who's head was lowered in shame. He turned back to Joey, "… The hotdog, sir?"

"…"

Joey turned to Hot Dog, who had obviously caught his attention. He was mumbling something to the weiner, and they seemed to be going back and forth before he turned back to the terribly confused waiter, "Hot Dog just wants a Caesar salad and a glass of water."

"… Let me get this straight." The waiter put his left hand on his hip and pointed the other hand which held his pen, towards Hot Dog, "I am taking an order… for a hotdog?"

Tristan covered his face as others in the room began to stop their conversations and listen in.

The blonde frowned, "Just what do you mean by saying 'a hotdog', huh? I'll have ya know, this is a very special person! Ya can't just treat people like that and call 'em whatever you want! Your customers have feelings!"

"B-But I…!"

"Joey, calm down! C'mon, man, you're causing a scene!"

More whispers among the other customers started up and as Tristan looked around, they were all starring, their eyes and ears open. He groaned as Joey continued to scold the waiter who was at a loss for words, mouth agape. In a second, the door to the kitchen opened and a rather large man in a business suit came out and over to their table, standing next to the waiter.

"Is there a problem over here?"

Joey scowled, pointing to the waiter with his thumb, "_He's_ the one with the problem. He doesn't want to serve my friend."

The man who seemed the be the manager of _Le Merde_ blinked and looked at his employee, "Is that a fact?"

"N-No! W-Wait, please, I didn't say anything like that!"

"Oh, so now you're changing your tune!"

The manager turned to Tristan, "Are you not being helped, sir?"

Joey shook his head, "No, not Tristan. Hot Dog." He motioned once again to the hotdog who sat right across from himself and his friend. The manager and the waiter along with everyone else in the restaurant, looked over to the highchair where a wrinkled hotdog sat, wedged between two buns.

Everyone blinked.

Tristan stood up, speaking to the manager, "On my friend's behalf, I would simply like to say that he's insane and I'm in the process of getting him help!"

"Hey! I'm not insane!"

"Like hell you aren't! Man, you need counseling! Is it my fault? Is it? Maybe I've been spending too much time with Otogi. Maybe I should've been hanging out with you more." Tristan grabbed his buddy by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes, "Whatever it is, I promise to be with ya 24/7, Joey, but just promise me you'll throw that hotdog away, this has gone far enough!"

Joey blinked, "… What are you talking about?"

"… I… uh…"

He looked back to the manager, "So are we going to get our food or what?"

The manager looked baffled and held his head, mumbling something about needing an aspirin. He told the waiter to let them order while he found the necessary drugs to kill his headache and possibly himself.

* * *

_**TBC…**_


	4. I Know Who I Want to Take Me Home

Her Sweetness: Woo-hoo! It's nighttime! And nighttime is the right time to party! We'll drink… and we'll sing! Aha, I'm high on life! High, I tell you!

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Four: I Know Who I Want To Take Me Home

_Le Merde _was quite generous to its customers at the table in the center of the room. Whatever they ordered was brought out, post haste. Of course, there had been a good amount of whispers amongst the other customers but that was put to a halt when Joey glared at them. They quickly shut up and one person even went as far as running out of the restaurant, hauling his family out along with him. His youngest child had shouted, while being thrown into the car, "But Daddy, I wanna see the crazy hotdog man…!"

"No, Billy," He responded, "Hotdogs are dangerous."

But, as hard for Tristan as it was, being seated at the same table and actually having to listen to someone hold a conversation with a meat byproduct, he made it through the meal, virtually unscathed.

You could almost feel the happiness in the restaurant when those three left in James' beat up car. Though Tristan was a bit upset at seeing the bill that he was forced to pay for.

Well, after they had come out of the fancy, French building and were in the car going down the street, Joey took this opportunity to look back in the rearview mirror at Tristan who was sulking in the backseat.

"'Ey, why the long face, Tristan?"

"… Why do you think I have a long face? I'm riding in the back! Why the hell am I riding in the back?" He shouted, sitting up and frowning at the passenger's seat which was where Hot Dog was buckled up in, "_I_ should be driving, Joey! Do you know where I'd drive to? The funny-farm! Because that is where you belong if you seriously believe a wrinkled, old hotdog is alive!"

Joey looked more than a little perturbed, "I'm tired of you sayin' stuff like that, Tristan! Hot Dog has feelings!"

"'Hot Dog' is a piece of meat! Throw it out!"

"Stop sayin' that or I'll throw you out of the car!"

"This isn't even your car!" Tristan took in a deep breath and stopped all his shouted for he knew he wasn't getting anywhere. Sometimes Joey could be just like a child and with any kid, to get want you wanted, you had to promise them something greater. He smiled at Joey through the mirror, "Hey, Joey, know what? I happen to know these triplets that live on the South Side and when I told them about you, they seemed very interested. You think maybe you'd be interested in going on a blind date with them? They're really hot!"

Joey shook his head, grinning at the shriveled up wiener next to him, "No, thanks. Hot Dog's the only one I'm interested in."

"GRR!"

Before Tristan had a chance to strangle his best friend, the car stopped and the happy blonde shouted, "We're here!"

Tristan looked out of the window, almost afraid of what he would see when glancing out. And to his confusion and dismay, they had parked right in front of the West Side's movie theater. He blinked and looked into the front seat where no one was and, looking back out of the window, he saw Joey outside on the sidewalk and holding the hotdog in his right hand.

He groaned and got out of the car, walking onto the sidewalk in front of the theater and looking at his friend, "_Why_ are we here?"

"We're going to see a movie, _grumpy_." Joey said, noting Tristan's attitude.

"I'm grumpy because I've traveling around the West Side with a hotdog and a lunatic."

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes and they (Joey and Hot Dog) walked forward, up to the ticket box. Joey called back casually, "Comin'?"

"… oh for Pete's sake…" He grumbled, following them.

The line was relatively short because it was only a little after two o' clock. When they got up to the ticket box, there was a young man whose face was beyond Clearasil and snorted as he greeted them, "Hello and welcome to West Side Cinema. Can I help you?"

"Yeah, hi. I'll take 3 adult tickets for _Tales of a Fat Woman and a Raped Pigeon_."

"Sure thing." He snorted in laughter as he shuffled around for the tickets, "You know, my aunts saw that movie the other day. They said they cried so much it drowned out their hot flashes, heh heh. Here ya go." He finally pulled out the three tickets from the slot and then looked around confusedly, "… Um… but there's only two of you."

Tristan groaned.

Joey rolled his eyes and held up Hot Dog to the window.

The teen behind the window adjusted his glasses and then smiled, "No thanks, I already had lunch."

"I'm not offering Hot Dog to you! This is our third person!"

"… Oh…"

There was an _extremely _thick moment of silence that followed.

He blinked and kind of shrugged before handing over the tickets and mumbling a small and timid, "Enjoy the movie…" As Joey and Hot Dog entered, talking amongst themselves, Tristan lingered behind and whispered to the still half-stupefied teen behind the window.

"Hey… This is for you." He said shadily and slipped and twenty dollar bill throw the slot on the bottom of the window. The boy looked at it funny before picking it up.

"What's this for?"

"It's hush money! Don't you dare tell anyone what you just witnessed. If this gets around, we'll be the laughingstock of Domino! So don't tell anyone, got it?"

"Uh, sure thing." He nodded and put the money in his back pocket.

Tristan gave a curt nod before leaving the front and following where he had last seen his demented friend and his date enter. He looked around in the lobby before finding the specific theater that _Tales of a Fat Woman and a Raped Pigeon _was playing in. It was incredibly dark in the theater even though it was only the previews that were playing. But even so he squinted and, towards the front, was able to spot and recognize his friend by his hair.

He walked down the aisles and down to where Joey was seated. Just about to take a seat next to the teen, he was stopped and Joey said, "Hey! Wait a minute, Hot Dog's sitting here."

"…" Tristan blinked and looked around, "… Speaking of which, where is the little snickerdoodle?"

"Oh, Hot Dog went to get popcorn."

"… You sent the hotdog to get popcorn?" He looked around for a second before sweat dropping at the sight of the hotdog on the floor, about a foot away from Joey's seat, surrounded by the droppings of others. He bent down and picked it up, beginning to walk away, "I'll be back, I'm gonna throw something away."

"Oh, okay… Hey! Tristan!" He shouted and tackled his friend, wrestling away piece of meat. Joey huffed and sat back in his seat, putting Hot Dog in it's seat, "Really, Tristan, you're so jealous…"

"I'M NOT JEALOUS!"

"SHHH!"

Everyone in the theater silence him and a few people shouted, "Down in front!" He blinked and looked at the screen. Apparently the movie had started and he was expected to shut up and sit down. Which is what he did though he was a bit annoyed at the fact that he was denied the best seat in the house because a hotdog had caught his best friend's eye.

The movie ended two hours later and as Joey, Hot Dog and Tristan (along with everyone else who had been in the theater) left the cinema, Tristan could've sworn he heard whispers among the other people. Things like, "Did you see that guy who was giving a hotdog a seat?"

And replies like, "Yeah. But did you see that guy who he was with? He must be a real nut to hang out with a guy like that."

Tristan groaned and turned to his friend who was talking to Hot Dog, "Joey! Man, enough is enough! C'mon and throw that hotdog away!"

"What is with you, Tristan?" He shook his head and turned to Hot Dog, "He's not normally like this, I swear."

"…"

"Yeah but it sucks."

"…"

"Heh heh, you, too? Awesome. But no, you don't have to."

"…"

Joey turned back to his utterly mortified buddy, "Hear that, Tristan? Even though you're a jerk, Hot Dog's still says it's okay. Now do you see what a nice person Hot Dog is?"

"………………… You have _problems_."

But Joey didn't hear this comment as he and his companion were already buckled into the car. Joey rolled down the window and called out to Tristan, "You coming?"

"… Yeah…" He sighed and got in the backseat again as Joey drove off, him and Hot Dog in their own little world. Tristan was even forced to listen to polka music because Joey said that it was Hot Dog's favorite type.

It was about six o' clock when they arrived back in front of _The Test Tickle_. The sun was setting just over the tall buildings to the north and streams of purple and orange were cascading across the sky. Even though it was two hours until _The Test Tickle _opened, there was still a bit of a line, seeing as how it was the most popular club in town.

To the boys' surprise, James was leaning on the brick wall outside the place. He smirked when he saw them and walked over, catching the keys as Joey threw them to him.

"Good, you're back. I was beginning to wonder if letting you borrow the car was a bad idea."

"Sorry, the movie ran a little long." Joey apologized, still holding onto his meat.

James nodded, looking at the teen funny. As Joey and Hot Dog went off on some conversation concerning the club and the line outside, James walked over to Tristan who was leaning on his motorbike, seemingly distraught.

"Hey… um, maybe this is none of my business, but why is that guy still holding onto that hotdog?"

"I have no idea! I can't even fathom why he's doing this to me! Do you know that all day, wherever we went, we were starred at by everyone because he was talking to that hotdog! Ugh! Like he's doing right now!"

"Heh heh. Well, you did kinda bring this on yourself…"

"W-What do you mean?"

"Well, weren't you and that pansy the ones who brought him here yesterday? You wanted him to meet someone."

"Yeah! But I mean someone as in someone of the same species!"

"… Did you tell him that before you got in?"

"…" Tristan starred at James, dumbly, "N-No…"

"Then there ya go."

"But—!"

Before Tristan could finish his sentence, Joey's voice caught his and James' attention. As it turned out, he was standing right next to them and looking at James sternly.

"Hey, James! I've got to talk to you about this 'house' you gave Hot Dog. It sucks, man, it really does. There's not even a toilet! Sorry, but I can't let Hot Dog live here, it isn't safe."

"… O… kay."

"So," He turned to the hotdog in his hand and blushed, "Um… I know this sounds kinda weird, but… I think you should consider living with me. J-Just for the time being! Like, until you get an apartment or something."

"…"

"I won't try anything, I swear."

Tristan almost choked, "W-What the hell's he talking about!"

"So what do ya say?" Joey waited for a reply.

"…"

"Awesome! I mean, that's great that you don't have to sleep here anymore. Um, just so you know, my apartment's not really nice or anything, but it has half a roof and a toilet that works 12 percent of the time."

"…"

"You'll like it, I promise."

James had slowly slipped away from this odd scene and Tristan was quietly sobbing on the seat of his motorbike.

* * *

Tristan had taken Joey back to his apartment complex. Actually, he had taken Joey and Hot Dog back to the apartment buildings, despite Tristan's constant begs for Joey to get a grip on himself. When they both hopped off, Joey was smiling brightly and it was hard for him to hide his giddiness. Tristan groaned and urged Joey to get a good night's sleep. 

Afterwards, he thought he might as well go on home but he had forgotten something. Otogi was still at the Game Shop. He cringed a little, knowing that Yami and Yugi would be totally pissed at him for leaving Otogi there for so long. And sure enough, he was right. When he knocked on the door, Yami had tackled him and ordered him to take Otogi away. Otogi, who was dressed in a see-through, blue night robe was in the living room watching television while Yugi was clipping his toenails.

He did as he was told and took the teen out of the house but not before he was scolded by said teen for leaving him somewhere for so long and forgetting about him.

It was around midnight at Otogi's house when Tristan had finally gotten around to being able to talk to the boy. Otogi had a uncanny ability to manipulate conversations so that they were always talking about something he liked.

"And so then LaQuiesha was telling us that her and Tyrell had gone behind McDonalds and did it there right after Marqueita and Jerome had gotten done there! Which is like the kinkiest thing I've ever heard of. They did that last week too. Don't even ask why, 'cause I have no idea. Guess it turns 'em on, right? Oh well, it was totally gross." Otogi was currently in his bed, smoking a cigarette while he continued on, "Me and Sharonda were going like 'Ew!' but then after we thought about it, we thought it might not be so bad and I was like… Tristan, are you listening?"

"Yep." He said casually, while brushing his hair forward in the mirror on the opposite side of the bedroom.

"Then tell me what I just said."

"… Tch… Uh, something about onions."

"Aha! You weren't listening! Dammit, you always do this to me, every time I'm trying to convey a feeling or try to tell you about my day, you don't listen! That's why I go out all the time, I need attention! Rub my feet!"

"No!"

"Ugh!" He screeched and smashed the cigarette into the ashtray on the nightstand, "Just what are you thinking about that's so important?"

He sat the hairbrush down on the dresser, "Joey."

"AHH! I _knew _it! You're thinking about Joey again! I'm tired of you giving Joey more attention than me! Joey, Joey, Joey; that's all I ever hear from you!"

Tristan rolled his eyes, "Oh, stop being such a drama queen."

"…" He pouted.

"Joey's been driving me nuts all day. We went to _Le Merde_ and to the movies and the whole time he was talking to a hotdog that he believes is real! People were starring at us like mad and now… now he's living with it!"

"Living with what?"

"The hotdog!"

"… Oh. Well, I don't see why you care. Joey's eighteen, he can live with what he wants."

"But he's embarrassing himself! _And_ me!"

"Well, I don't care what he chooses to shack up with, but from now on, I want you to think about _me_ first! Okay?"

"Yeah, sure, fine."

"Good." He smiled, "Now rub my feet, dammit!"

"NO!"

* * *

**_TBC…_**


	5. Next Order of Business

Her Sweetness: Yeah, I'm getting started a little late tonight. I did hope to get this out when planned but a few things came up. That and the fact that I just saw an awesome movie!

It was so good, and it gave me inspiration for the next year! Ooh, I can't wait… see ya on the flipside!

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Five: Next Order of Business

A little earlier that night was when Joey was dropped off at his house by Tristan who had pleaded for the teen to tell him that this whole hotdog thing was a big prank. Joey only looked at him funny and told him to stop being immature. At hearing this, Tristan was silent for a long while, starring at Joey with an expression of pure terror. He slowly drove away on his motorbike off into the night and left Joey and Hot Dog at his apartment complex.

Luckily for the blonde and his houseguest, it was Sunday night and that meant that all the gangs were at their weekly meetings around this time, doing roll call and serving ceremonial cookies baked by the gang leader's mother. This being the case, Joey walked into his apartment without being shot at.

When he opened the door, the lights were on and he cried out, "Yes! Finally, power! Hey… I wonder if the toilet works…"

"…"

He looked down at Hot Dog whom he held in his hand. He set the meat on the counter that attached the kitchen to the living room and the rest of the apartment. "Hold on a sec, I gotta check something out. I'll be right back."

"…"

In a second, Joey zoomed out of the kitchen/bedroom/living room and into a very small room that actually had a door. It shut and the hotdog was left in the room by itself for about fifteen minutes. As the sixteenth moment approached, the sound of a giant flushing echoed throughout the room. The lights flickered throughout the entire building and the door to the bathroom opened as Joey walked out and the lights flickered again.

He gave a thumbs up sign to Hot Dog, "Hey, the toilet works!"

"…"

"This is the first time since last month, so I guess I'm really excited." Joey blushed, embarrassed that he was making such a big deal out of something so ridiculous. He walked over to the counter, sitting on the broken and unstable stool next to it, "Usually, when the bathrooms don't work, the people who live here go to the Texaco station down the street. But some of the less civilized people like to just go in the hallway and try to hide it. But I stopped doing that about six months ago."

"…"

His blush deepened, "Aw, thanks."

"…"

"Nope, I'm a real blonde." Joey leaned in and whispered, "Not like that girl Mai. She dyed her hair and got plastic surgery. She used to look just like Michael Jackson, but now she's leaning more toward that Pamela Anderson thing. But everyone's doing that nowadays."

"…"

"Well, what about you? I really love your hair, it's so red."

"…"

"Yeah, well that's what I figured."

It went back and forth like that for a long while. Maybe even an hour. It really amazed Joey how well he and Hot Dog got along and how much they had in common. On their date that they had come back from, they didn't get as much time for conversation as Joey would've liked because of the fact that Tristan was always saying strange things and preventing them from having a good time.

'That'll be the last time I ever let Tristan tag along and pay for everything. Next time, he can just give me the money and leave.' Joey thought before looking at his watch. He blinked, rubbing at his eye. "Wow, I didn't know it was this late!"

"…"

"It's 3 am."

"…"

"Yeah, I'm tired, too. Ah, so, I'll just…" He looked back at the floor in the living room right behind him. His little cot/cover/pillow/dishrag was on the bare floor, dirty and blotched with many stains. He sweat dropped, "Well, you can sleep in my bed."

"…"

"Oh, don't worry about me! I'll just sleep right here." He patted the countertop but when it was touched by the palm of his hand, it shook and then fell to the floor in pieces.

Gasping, Joey picked up Hot Dog from the floor and scratched his head, "I guess a pile of wood wouldn't be a bad place to sleep…"

"…"

"Yeah, but—"

"…"

"Um, alright, if you're sure."

"…"

And so, with the permission of the piece of meat, Joey walked the two feet to the living room and gently laid Hot Dog down on the cover and then he set himself down next to it. The lights were still on and so Joey pressed on the wall lightly. The lights went out all over the building and in the apartment next to his, someone shouted through the walls, "Hey!"

"Oh shut up!" Joey called back, "We're trying to get some sleep!"

"Grr…"

When that person did shut up, Joey snuggled under the rag and whispered, "Goodnight, Hot Dog."

"…"

* * *

The next morning came a little fast. But then, Monday mornings always come fast, don't they? Especially for Tristan, who dreaded what this new sun would bring for him and his friends. He'd barely gotten any sleep the night before. Not only was Otogi talking _so_ much that Tristan decided to sleep at _home_, but when he did get back into his own bed, he couldn't stop thinking about Joey and that damned hotdog of his.

It was utterly mind-boggling how someone could actually take an interest in a piece of meat. And though a part of him still said that Joey was doing nothing but playing a prank, the more sensible part of him said that something like this couldn't be played. It was safe to say that Tristan was at wit's end and when he got up that morning, there was one thing he knew he had to do.

So, not even bothering to call Otogi like the boy demanded that he do every morning, Tristan got up, threw on some clothes and rode his bike about three streets down to the Kame Game Shop.

"Hey, Yugi! Yami!" He knocked on the door, "Open up, it's me!"

The sign on the Game Shop was turned to 'Closed', seeing as how it was still a bit early for them to open. Nevertheless, Tristan knew that the inhabitants were wide-awake. In a second, the door cracked open and one large, amethyst eye was seen looking up at Tristan. The eye whispered, "I-Is Otogi with you…?"

"Um… no. I think I remember him saying he was going to get his hair done today."

"Oh! Well then, come on in!" The door flew wide open and the eye was revealed to be Yugi who was now all smiles at the thought of Otogi being so far away from his home.

"Thanks."

Tristan walked in the shop, guided by Yugi and he led the teen upstairs and into the kitchen where Yami was sitting at the table, calmly eating his breakfast. Calmly, that is, until he saw Tristan.

He jumped up, "Oh Ra!"

"Don't worry!" Yugi raised his hands, "Otogi's getting his hair done today!"

"Oh, thank goodness…" Yami sank back into his chair and relaxed a little more.

Tristan raised his eyebrow, "Uh, hey, I'm kinda getting the feeling you two aren't too fond of Otogi."

Yugi was quick to shake his head, "No, no, that isn't it at all. It's just that… um, well, Otogi's…"

"Annoying, demanding and self-absorbed." Yami grunted.

"Um, yeah…"

Tristan had to hold back a laugh, "Well, I can't argue with you there."

"Ah, so…" Yugi said, trying to change the subject as he took a seat across from his other half and motioned for Tristan to take a seat as well. "What did you need, Tristan?"

"Oh, yeah… Well, I have a real problem and I thought that you guys where the only ones who could help. Ya see, Joey's been acting really strangely lately and I just don't know what to do anymore."

Yami tilted his head, "What do you mean? Is something wrong with Joey?"

"You could say that… Ugh, jeez, I don't know how to say it, but… Joey's… He's…"

Now both spiky-haired teens were wearing extremely concerned looks on their faces. Yugi reached across the table and put his hand on Tristan's, "C'mon, tell us. We'll do whatever we can to help."

Tristan took in a deep breath before groaning and placing his head in his hands, "He's dating a hotdog!"

"…"

"…"

Yami and Yugi looked at each other. Yugi was the first to half way chuckle and blink, "Um, heh, you know, Tristan… It sounded a lot like you were saying that Joey's dating a… um, a hotdog."

"He is!"

"…"

"…"

Yami leaned back in the chair, covering his eyes with his hand, "Oh my…"

"Tristan, are you sure he wasn't just _eating _a hotdog?"

"Oh, no, I'm sure! I'm sure because he dragged me all around the West Side yesterday on a date with that old piece of meat and we went to _Le Merde _and we went to the movies and I had to pay for everything! We borrowed this guy's car and when we returned it to him, Joey asked the hotdog to live with him! He took the damn thing home!"

After a moment of silence, Yami coughed, "Well, Joey has always been a fan of food."

Yugi turned sharply to him, "Yami, this isn't funny! If Joey's seriously trying to date a hotdog, then he needs help and that isn't a laughing matter."

"That's my point!" Tristan said, "All yesterday people were starring at him because he was talking to it."

"You mean he has conversations with it?"

"And he pretends like it's talking back, that's the bad thing! And by now people all over the West Side are probably whispering about him. God, it's so degrading! And Otogi isn't any help, he thinks I should stay out of it!"

Yugi nodded carefully, "Wow…"

"So… What do you think I should do?"

"Well, knowing Joey, this is just another one of his obsessions. He goes from thing to thing that catches his interest… Remember last month when he was giddy about sneaking into nursing homes and stealing bedpans? Well this is the same thing. I say we just wait it out."

"That's a good idea." Yami agreed, "But how long do you think it'll last?"

"I… don't know…"

* * *

Over in the center of Domino, the shopping district was totally packed as it usually was on bright mornings such as this. People walked in and out of stores and some did window-shopping while others stuck to their predetermined list. Deals were being struck and there was a lot of talking, but out of all the shops in area, there was one that held the most chattering.

LaQuiesha's Beauty Shop in the center of the district happened to be where Otogi went every week to get his hair done. If anyone asked him, he'd say that LaQuiesha did his hair the best, but if asked why he really went there, the answer would be to get all the latest gossip of Domino.

"So _then _what happened?" Otogi asked as his and all the other girls' eyes grew wide in anticipated of the ending to this riveting story.

Sharonda grinned, holding out her hand that adorned fifteen inch red nails and a gold-tinted ring on her right hand that almost glistened under the florescent lighting of the shop. "_Then_ he got down on one knee and said, 'Sharonda, if you would be my wife, it'd make me the happiest man on death row.' But after I said yes, they pulled the lever."

"Awww." They all looked a bit distraught.

Otogi shrugged, "Well, at least you got to keep the ring!"

"Yeah, there's that. But, you know, I don't think it's even real." She narrowed her eyes at it, "I took it off yesterday and my finger was green."

LaQuiesha leaned Otogi back in the chair so that she could shampoo the top of his head, "If it's fake, I say throw it away."

"Don't throw it away!" Otogi waved his hand, "If you don't want it, sell it to some other guy whose trying to buy a wedding ring. If he's really gullible, you can get a lot of money for it and then you can buy yourself a _real_ ring. And if you're smart…" He smirked, "You'll go to a bar and hit on a guy, pretend to get drunk and sleep with him, then the next morning show him your ring and cry your eyes out and he'll buy you a really expensive gift for ruining your 'marriage'."

Every girl in the room blinked for a moment before squealing and clapping. One of them shouted, "God, Otogi, that's brilliant! Where'd you think that up?"

He flashed all the rings on his hands, "Personal experience."

"Wow!"

"I am _so_ trying that on Saturday!"

"Me, too!"

"Okay, okay," LaQuiesha quieted them down and cleared her throat, "Next order of business. Anyone see anything scandalous this weekend?"

Most of them shook their heads, "It was kinda quiet this weekend."

"Not for me." A girl in the back informed the rest, "My boyfriend works as a chef in _Le Merde _over in the party district. And he told me that some guy came into the restaurant and he was talking with a hotdog! Actually speaking to it! He said that guy really scarred away a lot of their business."

"Mindy, that's ridiculous." Sharonda rolled her eyes, "I know we live in Domino and everything, but even the people who live here aren't _that_ weird."

"But it's true!"

Otogi blinked for a moment and swallowed hard. Everyone noticed his silence and looked at him, "Hey, 'Togi? You okay?"

"Yeah… um… Say, Mindy, what'd this guy look like? The one who was talking to the hotdog?"

"Oh, gee… I think Todd said that he was blonde and had big brown eyes. Sounds pretty good to me, I'd probably cheat with him if he didn't sound like such a nutcase. Why?"

He sweatdropped, shaking his head, "No reason."

LaQuiesha nodded, "Alright, next order of business! Who got some last night?"

Everyone raised their hand.

* * *

_**TBC…**_


	6. Dating Otogi

Her Sweetness: The day's winding down but I've still got a little more for you guys. This is the Marik and Malik Birthday Update Marathon, we're going all out today!

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Six: Dating Otogi

Not surprisingly, when Otogi finally got out of the salon, it was dusk. When he went to get his hair done, everyone that knew him knew that it meant him being gone for most of the day. But it was worth it as he'd had a good time with his friends, gossiping and swapping stories from the past week. He exited the building, stepping out on the sidewalk and watched as the sun set just over the horizon, making the cobblestones on the roads of the shopping district glow.

"Ah! How beautiful and romantic!" Otogi's green eyes sparkled as he jumped up. Almost immediately, he pouted, putting his hands on his hips, "And where's that Tristan? I thought I told him to pick me up today! Damn him! He's always doing this to me! Well I just won't take it anymore. If he thinks for one minute that he can just… Hmm? Is that… Joey?"

He blinked, using his hand to shield his eyes from the tinted light so he could see across the street better. And, sure enough, there was a head full of blonde hair and a body attached to it that happened to belong to Joey. Otogi ran across the road and cars came to crashing halts and blew their horns at him, in return he gave them the finger and turned back to what he was doing.

After making it across the street, he sauntered up behind the blonde and gently put his hands over the teen's eyes, "Guess who."

"… Um… Hot Dog?"

"No! Ugh, Joey, turn around."

He blinked and did as he was told, smiling when he saw the raven-haired boy, "Well, I was close."

"Y-You were not!" He pouted, "I am not that… that thing."

"Eh, I dunno. You and Hot Dog have the same bone structure."

"…!"

"Anyhoo, so what's up? I didn't expect to see you around here this time of day."

"Yeah, well, I was over at LaQuiesha's for like the whole day. Say… have you ever been there?"

"Nope. I do my own hair!"

"… How thrilling." Otogi yawned daintily and craned his neck to look down each road. He didn't hear any motorcycle and he'd have bet anything at that moment that Tristan forgot he was supposed to come and get him. He looked up and as the sun dipped lower into the horizon and more of the stars came out, he got a little more worried. Turning back to the blonde, he suddenly wrapped an arm around Joey's.

"Um, Otogi…?"

"Joey, Tristan's not coming to pick me up, I know he's forgotten all about me! Usually, I'd blame you and say he was out somewhere with you but since you're right here that means he abandoned you, too!"

"… It does?"

"We're outcasts! We need to stick together!"

Joey blinked.

"It's not safe for someone like me to be out on the streets alone at night. There are thugs and people with bad hairdos! But yours is like one of the worst out there, so I'll be safe with you." He put on his best, most cutest smile and hugged Joey's arm so tight he thought it might fall off, "Come drinking with me."

The blonde raised an eyebrow before shaking his head, "I would, Otogi, but I was just out here to pick up some gum for my new houseguest. I promised Hot Dog I'd be back soon so I shouldn't stay out l—"

"Joey Wheeler! Are you telling me that you're holding that pig testicle over _me_?"

"…Well…"

"Jo-eeeeeeeeeeeee!" He screeched.

The sound of Otogi's voice at a high-pitch was almost deafening and everyone on the street stopped what they were doing to stare at the two. Joey blushed like mad and waved his free hand around at Otogi as he whispered harshly, "Okay, okay!"

Otogi stopped his yelling and giggled, "Goody."

"Um, but only for a little while, okay?"

"Oh, nonsense! Little whiles are boring. When you're out with me, you're out for a long time. Now, since I don't feel like waiting in a long line… Let's go to the coffee place two blocks from here. It's quieter than going to the West Side." Otogi smiled, raising his hand up to the night sky, "Let's go!"

"Alright." Joey nodded, beginning to walk down the street.

"… Joey! W-Wait a minute!" He caught up with him, pulling on the blonde's jacket sleeve, "What're you doing?"

"…Um… Well, I thought I was going to the coffee house…"

Otogi placed a hand on his hip, "Where's your car?"

"Don't have one."

"Motorcycle?"

"Nope."

"_Moped_?" He asked desperately.

Joey scratched his head, "I think I had a tricycle once but that got impounded…"

"Ah! Well, I hope you don't expect me to _walk_ anywhere! I do not walk, my feet start to hurt after a while. Besides I have my best pumps on today."

"Well then how are you going to get anywhere?"

Otogi grinned.

.0.0.

It wasn't two minutes later that Joey was trudging down the sidewalk of the shopping district and blushing, trying to dodge the stares of people that were standing on street corners. Joey moaned at their giggling, "Otogi, this is humiliating."

"Oh, stop it. Do you know how many men would give up their right arm just to have me on their back?"

"… How many?"

"Approximately 3 billion and growing."

"I see…"

Otogi laid his head on Joey's getting a bird's eye view of where they were going. Though, at the same time, he looked down at the blonde hair his chin was resting on, "Hey, Joey, when's the last time you washed your hair?"

"I wash my hair whenever I take a shower." He answered, matter-of-factly.

"And… when was the last time you took a shower?"

Joey blinked and then silently counted on his fingers, "Um… Hey, do weekends count as days?"

"…Yes…"

"Then about twenty-three days ago."

"OH, GROSS!" Otogi squealed, jumping off of the boy's back and retching on the cobblestones on the street. People who were standing by scurried away and Joey watched as Otogi stood back up and shock off his disgust. He sighed, pointing forwards, "There it is. And Joey, when we get in there, I want you to go into the bathroom and scrub yourself!"

"In a dirty old bathroom?"

"The bathroom in there is clean enough. Cleaner than you anyway. Now scat." He shooed the blonde in the direction of the bathroom in the back when they had entered the small and quaint building. Otogi sat himself down at a table by the large window until Joey came back out. He smelled like public restroom but at least his skin wasn't tan anymore.

He sat down across from the dark-haired teen, "Better?"

"A little. I already ordered, you're having the same thing as me."

"Uh… but, Otogi, I barely had enough money for that gum I bought."

Otogi rolled his eyes and lifted the pink, stylish purse he had hanging over his shoulder, "I've got it covered."

"Oh."

Joey sat there, looking out the window and twiddling his thumbs nervously. He looked at his watch that had been broken ever since he was three years old. His eyes widened as he thought, 'Wow, I can't believe it's only four o' clock! It sure does get dark early.'

Otogi looked at him and tilted his head, "Joey, can I ask you a question?"

"As long as it's not math."

"… It isn't. Maybe you haven't heard about it lately, but there are rumors floating around that you're dating that hotdog of yours. Now, I'm all for different relationships and the fact that everyone's equal… but Joey, don't you think this is crossing the line?"

He frowned, "Why? Me and Hot Dog get along great and there's nothing wrong with it."

"Uh, yeah, there kinda is. Isn't the relationship kinda one-sided with 'Hot Dog' being all inanimate and everything?"

"Hot Dog isn't inanimate! Stop calling my friends stuff that I don't know how to spell!"

"…" Otogi held his head, "This is not going anywhere. Joey, what I am _trying_ to say is that—"

"Here're your Mocha Lattes." A man set down two cups filed with brown foam in front of the two before walking away. Joey blinked and looked at his before gasping and shouting, "Hey! There's toilet water in this! It's all brown!"

Otogi's eyes widened and he waved his arms around to get the blonde's attention, "Joey! Mocha Lattes are _supposed_ to be brown! That's the mocha in it!"

"Hey, call it whatever you want but I know toilet water when I see it…" He grumbled, pushing the offending drink away.

The raven-haired boy sighed and sipped his latte, "Alright, back to what I was saying. Whatever you do in your apartment is no one else's business but what you do _in public _gets talked about and I have to put up with it. Think about it, _I'm_ always with Tristan and he's always with _you_. Sooner or later people are going to connect me with you in some disgusting hotdog-filled scandal."

"That's gotta be the silliest thing I ever heard."

"It isn't silly when it's my reputation on the line!"

"What reputation? The reputation as Domino's biggest flirt? Or the reputation as the guy who once serenaded Kaiba through his window for 12 hours straight just for some money for hair gel?"

"Both!"

"… I'm going home. Hot Dog's probably worried about me."

"It's a _hotdog_!"

Joey stood from the table and grabbed his untouched Mocha Latte. He shook it and turned, "I'll take this, too. My toilet bowl's dry." With that last statement, he walked out of the door. Otogi slammed some money down on the table and ran out after him, shouting, "Joey, wait— Ack!"

As it turns out, Joey had not gotten far and he happened to be standing right in front of the door to the coffee shop when Otogi came sprinting out and ran into him. Joey rolled his eyes and helped the boy up, "See what wearing pumps gets you?"

He pouted, "These shoes are gorgeous."

"Ugh. So do you want a ride home or not?"

"That's what I came out here for." Otogi fluffed his hair and hopped up on Joey's back, wrapping his legs around his waist and waiting for him to start off.

"Going to your house is really out of the way, you know." He said after they had been walking for a little while.

"Yeah."

"It's pretty inconvenient."

"And?"

"Don't you care about other people's lives?"

"Define other people."

"Oh my god." Joey groaned, shaking his head, "You're so self-centered! Why does Tristan hang out with you so much?"

"Because I'm hot, I'm spicy and I can samba to elevator music."

"… You must drive him crazy."

"Not any more than you do. You know, he loses sleep over this little fiasco with you and 'Hot Dog'. Why, just the other night he was _interrupting_ one of my riveting stories just to tell me about how you were living with that thing. Now, Joey, don't you think this is a bit immature, making Tristan worry over your nonsense?"

"It isn't nonsense." He answered calmly as they turned a corner and he had to scoot Otogi higher up on his back to keep the boy from falling, "I told you, me and Hot Dog are getting along really good. And the relationship isn't just physical, we have conversations and we play cards…"

"Who wins at cards?"

"Mostly Hot Dog. But we tied once."

"…" Otogi blinked before resting his head on the now semi-clean blonde hair, "You're a pretty strange guy. But, I guess if you're into that kinda stuff, it's kinda cool."

"What's cool?"

"The fact that you're in love with a hotdog. It makes you so mysterious and unpredictable. It's like no one knows what you're going to do next. Joey Wheeler: The Man of Tomorrow." He was quiet for a moment before giggling and squealing, "It's so cool!"

Joey looked up, "Wait a minute, first you say I'm ruining your reputation and worrying Tristan… Now you say I'm a man of mystery and that I'm cool."

"… So?"

"Which is it? And make up your mind."

"Oh, I dunno. I guess you're probably a combination of both. You're crazy and you're cool…" Otogi took this time to look ahead to where they were going. He recognized this place as being only a few blocks away from his house and it was pretty nice hearing the echo of Joey's sneakers hitting the cobblestones and bouncing off the walls of the buildings on the sidewalk. Otogi tapped his chin and whispered huskily, "I want to see your hotdog."

"HUH?" He stopped and almost dropped the teen, "W-What'd you say?"

"Your hotdog, that thing you date. I want to see it."

There was a moment of silence before Joey sweat dropped and sighed, "Oh, God… Otogi, you've gotta explain stuff like that before you just blurt something out. W-Why do you want to see Hot Dog all of a sudden?"

"Well… I know I've seen it before, but that was only for a split second. I want to get a better look!"

Joey scratched the back of his head, "But isn't Tristan waiting for you or something?"

"Oh who cares about Tristan? He didn't care enough to come pick me up before it got dark! He can wait all night but I want to go with you! _Please_!" He whined, making his green eyes become large and sparkly giving the appearance as if he were about to start crying. He begged, "Please, Joey, I'll never ask for anything ever again!"

"… Pheh…" Joey shook his head and turned around, starting off in the direction of his apartment.

Otogi smiled triumphantly, "It'll be fun, you'll see… We can even have a slumber party!"

"We cannot!"

"Oh, why?"

"Because I barely have enough room for me and Hot Dog, let alone you!"

"I don't take up much space…! Please, Joey!"

"… Well, mayb—"

"YAY!"

"HEY, I DIDN'T SAY YES!"

* * *

_**TBC…**_


	7. My Fair Weiner

Her Sweetness: puts on a helmet Get ready, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Seven: My Fair Weiner

Their conversation continued in that fashion through almost all of their walk back through the shopping district. Joey was more than a bit peeved for having to walk all that way then go back on account of Otogi wanting to 'see his hotdog', which Joey still believed to be innuendo. And even though the blonde complained of back pain, Otogi ignored him and told him to stop being so insensitive.

"I'm not being insensitive, I'm just saying that having you on my back for almost an _hour_ isn't doing me any favors!" He frowned, looking up at the raven-haired boy.

"How can that not be insensitive?" Otogi pouted, turning his head away, "You're calling me fat!"

"I am not!"

"… So… you don't think I'm fat?"

"No."

Otogi grinned, wrapping his arms tightly around Joey's neck, "So, do you think I'm cute, then?"

"…" Joey sweat dropped and ignored this question, looking foreword and almost smiling at the dirty and broken down building that they were now approaching. It looked rather scary in the darkness, the moon rays that shone down onto the compound also revealed men to be lurking around the building. The gang members were obviously on the prowl.

He walked up the sidewalk and paid little to no attention to the men, reason being that since he lived there, the gang members didn't give him a hard time and left him alone for the most part, for which Joey was grateful. This night, however, when the men saw him going into the building, they noticed a dark-haired, skinny and helpless looking person attached to his back.

One of the men laughed and called out, pointing at him, "Yo, Wheeler! Whose the babe?"

Joey looked at him then at Otogi and groaned, growling, "Mind your own business!" He snorted and looked up at Otogi, "Just ignore them, they don't— Ah, hey!"

To his surprise, a few of the gangsters had ventured over to him and five of them had surrounded the two and were conversing with Otogi who was giggling happily at all this new found attention that he'd been starving for.

"So," The biggest one leant up against Joey like a car and nodded towards Otogi, "I haven't seen you 'round here. Where you live?"

He beamed and feigned shyness, "Lower East Side…"

"Hey, I think my cousin, LaQuiesha, lives 'round there."

"AH! Your cousin is LaQuiesha? Oh my freaking gosh, she's like one of my best friends! This is so cool!"

"Tell her I said hey."

"I'll do that and— JOEY! What are you doing?" Otogi cried as Joey began to walk out of the circle of thugs and up the rotting and old stairs of his apartment building. Joey frowned, shaking his head, "I'm not going to stand around and watch you find common ground with people who tie sandbags to cats' paws."

He narrowed his eyes and smirked, "You're just jealous."

"I am not! Why would I be jealous of you when I have someone like Hot Dog?"

"B-Because…" Otogi had to think for a second before grinning and saying triumphantly, "Because you can't _do_ all the things with Hot Dog that you can with me."

"I wouldn't say that."

"…!"

There was about a two minute period when neither of the boys said anything and as Joey finally reached his floor, he pulled out the key from his back pocket and unlocked the door which fell of it's hinges two seconds later anyways. Otogi happily hopped of Joey's back and went into the small apartment, looking around in disgust.

"Oh, Joey…"

"What?" The blonde asked, rubbing his sore back and looking sorrowfully at his dead door.

Otogi placed his hands on his hips, "You actually live here? This is a terrible bachelor's pad! What's wrong with you? It smells and it's falling to pieces right in front of your eyes! You have no furniture and there're bullet holes through his wall!"

Joey looked to where Otogi had been pointing. He nodded, "Oh, yeah, that's were the gangs hold target practice on Tuesdays. I meant to try to clog up those holes but I can't find anything to do it with."

"… Yeah, well… My point is that you should hire an interior decorator…" After he had paced around in a little circle, sizing up the place, he snapped his fingers and pulled his cell phone out of his purse. A few numbers were dialed and he began to talk, grabbing the attention of Joey who was trying to fix the door.

He tilted his head, "What're you doing?"

Otogi held his hand up the receiver, "I'm getting you someone to come over and fix the place."

"You're doing what? No, Otogi, don't! I can afford one— ACK!"

It seemed that, due to lack of concentration, the door had fallen on dear Joey. Otogi didn't really care and hung up the phone in a second, squealing loudly and rushing over to the other side of the small room where a tiny and shriveled up piece of meat sat quietly in an old bun.

"Oh my gosh. Is this that hotdog?" He asked.

Joey frowned, kicking the door off his body and rolling out from under it, "Stop calling Hot Dog 'that hotdog', it's degrading!"

"It's all ugly and old." Otogi observed, poking the meat and looking back at a shocked Joey, "Why don't you buy another one?"

"Stop saying stuff like that!"

"But it's true!"

"No, it isn't!" Joey reached into his back pocket again, this time pulling out a pack of Juicyfruit gum. He walked over and set it down beside the hotdog that was currently laying on his bed/pillow/rag. "Oh, Hot Dog, I got your gum for ya."

"…"

"Yeah, I didn't know what kind you wanted so I got you my favorite kind, hope that's okay."

"…"

"Oh. Yeah, sorry. I met up with Otogi in the shopping district and he dragged me to a coffee shop. Then he said he wanted to come back here to see you and so it took a lot longer than I had planned."

"…"

Just before Joey's reply, Otogi shouted, "Wow, you can have real conversations!" He looked up, "What's it saying now, Joey?"

"Stop calling Hot Dog an it!"

He pouted, "But _Joey_, you never told me it's gender!"

"…" Joey blinked and then blushed, taking Otogi by the hand and leading him over to the other side of the room where they could talk in private. Or as privately as possible from a four foot distance. Joey coughed and whispered, "Hot Dog… hasn't really told me…"

"… What? That's ridiculous! Why do you even need to ask! That's the most phallic thing I've ever seen in my life!"

"Ugh…"

"And it can't be a girl."

"Why not?"

"Well, what girl in her right mind would let all her extras hang out like that?"

The blonde blushed a bright red, "Hey, knock that off!"

Otogi tapped his foot and rolled his eyes, "Fine. If it isn't a boy and it sure as hell isn't a _girl_, then I'm calling it 'It' and you should, too, so as not to insult it by questioning genders. Make sense?"

"Well, no. But okay."

Even though Otogi knew he had confused Joey, he decided to let it go and they walked back over to Hot Dog who sat there, unmoving like it had always been. Otogi sat on the floor, Indian style, right next to it and before saying anything regarding their previous conversation, a metaphoric light bulb flashed over Joey's head.

"Hey, I wonder if the bathroom's working today…" He said, looking back at the small room attached to his apartment.

Otogi blinked, "You mean your toilet doesn't work all the time?"

"Uh-huh. Hot Dog, you explain it to him while I go check."

He ran into the bathroom, closing the door behind him (which fell off in a few seconds, causing an unpleasant draft for the blonde) and left the other two out in the living room/kitchen/bedroom all alone.

Otogi coughed nervously and looked at the meat, "Um… so… Where do you get your hair done?"

.0.0.

It was about another fifteen minutes before Joey pulled up his pants and flushed the toilet to see if it worked. Sadly, it didn't and he was very upset. He groaned and walked out of his two foot perimeter bathroom which now was door-less and when he had walked into the main room of his humble abode, he stopped in his tracks, eyes wide and mouth agape.

Otogi was laying on the floor on his stomach with his feet in the air, swinging playfully back and forth. Right in front of him was Hot Dog who now had two toothpicks hanging out of it's sides and two little gouges where eyes were supposed to be. There was also a glob of mustard above the 'eyes' where it was styled into a weird looking pony tail.

The raven-haired teen looked up and smiled at Joey, "Hey, you're back! Look; I made Hot Dog a blonde, just like you! Isn't it cute? I actually found those toothpicks in my purse, how weird is that?"

"O-O-O-Otogi…!" Joey shrieked and ran over to the boy and the piece of meat, knocking Otogi out of the way and snatching up Hot Dog from the ground and crying out, "Oh, Hot Dog! Speak to me!"

"…"

Joey shook the hotdog, violently and turned to Otogi who was on the floor, fixing his makeup, "Otogi, Hot Dog's not saying anything!"

"Duh." He said calmly, making pouty faces at himself in his handheld mirror, "God, why am I so sexy?"

"Ugh, you're no help! Come on, we've got to get Hot Dog to the hospital, right now!"

"Huh?"

On his way out of the apartment, Hot Dog in hand, Joey cried out, "Call Tristan and tell him to meet me there!"

"…" In a minute, Otogi looked up from his mirror at the empty room, "Did you say something?"

* * *

It was less than an hour later at the Domino City Hospital when a motorcycle pulled up in front and a boy with odd, pointy hair came rushing inside. He had gone into the lobby and hadn't been there for more than a minute before a familiar blonde came out of the men's restroom on the other side of the receptionist's desk. Joey immediately saw Tristan and waved him over.

"Oh my God, Joey!" Tristan looked him up and down then back at his face, "What happened to you?"

He tilted his head, "What do ya mean?"

"I got a call from Otogi and he said that he had broken your wiener and you went to the hospital! I was freaking out, are you okay? And what the hell were you letting Otogi do to you?"

Joey blinked before running a hand through his hair tiredly. He shook his head, "Otogi's _gotta _watch how he words these things… Man, it was nothing like that… Otogi did something he shouldn't have and I had to rush Hot Dog over here!"

"… The hotdog?"

"Man, unless you stop saying stuff like that, I'm going to call you 'The Tristan'!"

Before another word could be spoken, the door to the women's restroom was flung open and out cam Otogi, flittering over to the two boys when he had seen Tristan. He ran over and nearly tackled the brunette, throwing his arms around him, "Tristan, darling!" He said lightly before yanking on his collar and whispering dangerously, "Where the hell have you been?"

"Agh! Otogi, cut it out, I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up! I got caught up when I was with Yami and Yugi!"

Otogi pointed at him accusingly, "GOOD LORD, A THREESOME!"

"NO. A _conversation_!" He rolled his eyes and straightened his collar, "And while we're on the subject, what were you doing in Joey's apartment?"

"I was playing with Joey's—"

"DON'T YOU SAY IT!" Joey yelled, gaining the attention of everyone in the lobby.

Otogi paused, looking at Joey and then said quickly, "Weiner."

"Otogi, you damn liar!"

"Alright, both of you can shut up." Tristan had to referee their fight because now not only were the people in the lobby starring at them but so were a few orderlies that passed in the hallway. When the two had settled down, Tristan turned to the blonde, "Now, Joey, we're not really here for that hotdog, right? You broke something? Your sister broke something? Some _human_ broke something?"

"Hot Dog was all massacred, I had no choice!" Joey shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck, "They've been in there for a long time…"

Tristan blinked, "Who's they?"

"The doctor and Hot Dog."

"…" There was a _long _pause, "… You… there's a… doctor…?"

"Well, yeah. I dunno why, but I had to almost threaten him to see Hot Dog! See, there was this little girl who had broken her leg and she was in front of us, but Hot Dog was in worse condition than her! So I made him—"

"SOMETHING IS _WRONG_ WITH YOU!" Tristan shouted in disbelief, "How the hell could you do something like that?"

Otogi nodded seriously and quoted the Hercules movie, " People do crazy things, when they're in love."

Joey blushed.

Tristan slapped his forehead, "I'm surrounded!"

Suddenly, a door a little ways down the hall opened and out came a middle-aged man with a very noticeable bald spot and a long, white coat. He noticed the three teens in the lobby and walked over, tapping Joey on the shoulder. "Um, Mr. Wheeler?"

"Oh! Dr. Kitty!" Joey turned around, his eyes wide with concern, "S-So, is Hot Dog going to be okay?"

"Well," The doctor looked at the clipboard he had in his hand, "It doesn't look too good. But we're going to try something that might work. Now, I warn you, it is extremely risky… We're going to try a meat transplant. There's no guarantee, seeing as how we've never operated on a… piece of meat before…"

Joey nodded, "Do the best you can!"

Tristan shook his head and looked at Dr. Kitty, "Why would you do this?"

He shrugged, "Well… it's not like we're all that busy tonight… and besides that, there's money to be made here." He ripped a piece of paper from his clip board and handed it to Joey, "Here's the estimate for the surgery."

The blonde teen looked at it and whistled, handing it over to Tristan, and then taking a seat with Otogi amongst the other people in the lobby. Otogi yawned and made himself comfortable in Joey's lap.

Joey frowned, "What are you doing?"

"Buy me something."

"No!"

"Hey, Joey, why the hell did you give this to me?" Tristan asked, regarding the bill.

"Um… Because I can't afford it?"

"I am not paying for the operation of a hotdog!"

"TRISTAN!" Otogi squealed loudly, forcing the teen to look over at him. The raven-haired boy smiled and tilted his head, "Buy me something."

"NO!"

* * *

_**TBC…**_


	8. Bend and Twist then Lift and Separate

Her Sweetness: -yawns- Aw, man. I'm so -yawns- so sorry this was late. But, you know, I'm in a bit of a slump. Not to mention, depression has, once again, reared it's ugly, yet oh-so-familiar head.

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Eight: Bend and Twist then Lift and Separate

After waiting in the lobby for what seemed like hours, filling out forms and such, Joey and Tristan were extremely tired. Though most would say they were exhausted from filling out medical forms for a piece of meat, the truth of the matter was that in between writing and checking off boxes, they had to keep an eye on Otogi who got into anyone's car who promised to buy him something. In the end, Tristan gave into the teen's demands.

Tristan walked back into the lobby, wearily, with Otogi by his side who was currently entranced in a gold necklace that he wore. He smiled up at the brunette, "See? I told you the jewelry store was just down the street. And it didn't cost that much, either."

"You call a thousand dollars 'not much'?" He suddenly shouted as the two reached the corner of the lobby where Joey was still filling out a form, "My mom's going to _die_ when she finds out I took money from her life savings!"

Otogi waved his hand, dismissing Tristan's mother, "Oh, I highly doubt she'll die. Besides, don't I look awesome in this?"

"You could've done without it!"

"Could not."

"Ugh!"

"Hey, c'mon, guys! I just need a little quiet, this ain't as easy as it looks." Joey shushed them and turned back to the clipboard he was holding. He scratched his hair with the tip of the pen and groaned, "Hey, what do ya think is Hot Dog's blood type?"

Tristan rolled his eyes.

"Put AB positive." Otogi volunteered.

Both boys looked at him, "Why?"

"Because I can sing it! _Hot Dog…! Has AB positive BLOOD! And I think it's PRETTY_!"

A few people left the lobby.

"Hey, hey!" Joey shouted over the noise of Otogi holding a note on 'pretty'. He looked at Tristan who was mysteriously wearing two corks in his ears and looking rather bored. Joey frowned, holding his ears tighter as a woman in the corner of the room's glasses shattered.

"_PRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYY_!"

"Tristan, tell Otogi to stop that, I have to finish the forms!"

Tristan shrugged and mouthed the words, 'I know it's hard, but just wait!'

So, doing as he was told, Joey growled and continued to place his arms to his ears and they both waited out the high-pitched sound while a few orderlies behind the receptionist's desk cowered in fear. It wasn't more than five minutes later when Otogi suddenly stopped his assault on their ears and feel onto the floor, snoring loudly. A few scared heads popped up from behind chairs and a desk. The civilians waited to see if the battle was over.

Joey blinked, looking onto the floor and then at Tristan as the brunette picked up the sleeping teenager and threw him over his shoulder. Joey asked, "You knew he was going to fall asleep?"

"Yeah… It's weird, but when he's tired, he gets annoying."

"Oh, then he must be tired a lot."

"… Alright. Let's go." He headed for the door with Otogi still over his shoulder, muttering something about a 50 percent off sale at JCPenny.

The blonde stood up, "Wait for me outside, I just have to give these to the head nurse."

"Fine, fine."

.0.0.

About five minutes later, a blonde head came bopping out of the front door of the hospital and out into the parking lot where said blonde teen saw Tristan standing by Otogi's car with Otogi fast asleep in the backseat. When Tristan saw him coming, he opened the door, saying, "Hey, where's your hotdog?"

"They have to do an emergency meat transplant." He answered, somberly, "Dr. Kitty says it's Hot Dog's only chance."

"So they're working on the thing right now?"

"It ain't a thing! But, _yeah_, Hot Dog's in the operation room… It's really scary when you think about it. I mean, I've only known Hot Dog for three days, but I feel like I've known it a lot longer. Time sure does fly, y'know?"

"… No, I don't."

Joey rolled his eyes.

Tristan hopped in on the driver's side and Joey got in on the passenger's side. He started up the expensive vehicle and they pulled out of the parking lot, leaving Hot Dog in the building to undergo it's operation.

* * *

The next morning, bright rays of sunshine made their way threw the sheer, white curtains hanging on a window in the East Side. They hit the face of a boy who was currently wrapped up in white sheets and blankets in a room on the second floor of a house. Two chocolate eyes bounced open upon receiving all this sunlight and he sat up in the bed, looking around sleepily and then frantically.

"A-Ah! What the hell?" He looked down, feeling the softness of the bed sheets he was sitting in, "Oh my god, I think it's a bed!" He looked up, shocked, "Oh, freak, are those curtains?"

Unaccustomed to all these new-fangled contraptions and this new place, he jumped up out of the bed and looked around the rather large room that was now bathed in sunlight and the door, on the other side of the room, suddenly busted open and a brown, pointy head popped out from the hallway.

Tristan looked around, confused to see the blonde running around the room like a chicken with it's head cut off. He shouted, "Joey!"

"… Huh?" He stopped his sprinting and looked at him.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I-I dunno! I dunno where I am!"

"Well…" He looked around, "You're in Otogi's guest room. You fell asleep in the car last night and your neighborhood looked a little unsafe, so I put you in here."

He blinked, then tilting his head and taking another quick survey of his surrounds, "Oh…"

"I was wondering when you would wake up; it's noon, you know. Ah, and… um," Tristan looked into the hallway and rubbed the back of his head, a sort of nervous or anxious reaction. "Otogi just woke up and… he's looking for you."

"What for?"

"Well, just to give you a heads up, the doctor ca—"

"OUT OF MY WAY, TRISTAN!"

Joey's eyes went wide as he witnessed Tristan being catapulted out of the doorway and soon appearing in the place where he once stood was a rather skinny, teenage body. Otogi's body, Joey was almost sure, which was dressing in a pink, lace negligee, pink bunny slippers, pink curlers which were halfway hanging out of his black hair and traces of a green substance on his face. He stood with his hands on his hips in the doorway and looked at Joey in a menacing way.

"… H-Hi."

"WELL? HAVEN'T YOU ANYTHING TO SAY?"

"… If I said what I was thinking, I have a strong feeling I'd get smacked."

Otogi lunged foreword and immediately struck said blonde in the face with his finely manicured hand.

"OW!" He held his face, inching away, "What was that for!"

"That doctor from the hospital called today! Your wiener just got out of surgery!"

He stopped his moaning from his facial wound and looked up at the other teen, a blank expression coating his face before a smile broke out and widened, "Hot Dog!"

"Yes, _Hot Dog_." Otogi rolled his eyes, "But Dr. Kitty called at 11:00am!"

"… So?"

"_So_, he interrupted me getting my Beauty Sleep! _I_ had to _wake up _and _answer_ the _phone_!" He violently poked his face, "Look what's happened!"

"…?"

"I'll be _ugly_ all day long!"

Joey looked passed the raving lunatic towards his faithful buddy, Tristan, who was on the floor, having to grunt and groan just to stand (a result from the bashing Otogi had inadvertently given him). When Tristan was finally standing and seemed to be in good enough spirits to bug for a favor, he gave him a thumbs up sign, "Hey, Tristan! Hot Dog's out of surgery, did you hear that? We'd better go and see how it's doing!"

"Joey, you can't be serious! I promised Otogi I'd take him to Mattress World today and I cannot be riding you around town to check on a hotdog!"

He blinked before pouting, "You could be a little more sensitive, Tristan. After all, if I'm your friend and Hot Dog is my friend then I think you two should get along pretty well! Hot Dog's sick and I want to see how it's doing now! Hot Dog needs me…!" He almost whined.

"… Can you believe this guy?" Tristan suddenly turned to his left, where Otogi once was, but upon turning, the space not only lacked an Otogi but was filled with a piece of paper that floated in the air. Tristan blinked a few times before taking the paper in hand and reading it, 'I've gone to apply moisturizer. If anything scandalous happens before I come back, I'd like to hear about it over the counter in the jewelry store. -heart- Otogi!'

There was a moment of silence before Joey suggested, eagerly, "Otogi's gone! C'mon, let's go to the hospital before he gets ba—"

"I'm back!" Came a loudly obnoxious voice from behind both teens. They turned around and sweatdropped at seeing Otogi standing there, freshly oiled and dressed in semi-appropriate attire. He wore a determined grin and pointed towards the window with vigor, "Tristan! It's Tuesday! And that means Victoria Secret is coming out with it's new line for femme boys! Boxers that lift and separate!"

"…"

"…"

Both boys looked at him in silence before Joey had the courage to ask, "Separates… what?"

Otogi looked at him before breaking out into a fit of giggles and slapping Joey on the back, blushing, "Ooh, you cheeky, little boy! Well just you wait and see!" He finished assaulting Joey and began dragging Tristan down the hallway, "Sales await, Tristan!"

"H-Hey!" He shouted, being lugged down the stairs and out the front door, "D-Does this m-mean no Mattress World?"

"Nope!" He threw said boy into the car while Joey hopped in back at the last minute.

Joey looked over the front seat, smiling and panting like a puppy about to go on a car trip. Otogi took the wheel and made sure Tristan was in the passenger's seat with his wallet. He started up the car and they were soon backing out of the driveway and going down the street.

The puppy of the trio looked at Otogi through the side view mirror and asked, "Hey, before you go to Victoria's Secret, could we stop off at the hospital? I really want to see how Hot Dog is doing."

Tristan piped up, "Don't you do it, Otogi! With any luck, they'll feed that hotdog to an octogenarian with a limp!"

"Shut up, Tristan!"

"I'm trying to save you from your hotdog-induced insanity!"

"Alright, both of you be quiet!" Otogi demanded and then looked at his watch, quickly, "Hmm… Well, the sale doesn't begin until around five. So, I guess we have time to swing around the hospital."

"Well, I think—!"

"We didn't ask you!" Joey shouted at Tristan who was only too close to kicking his deranged butt out of the car. But because of the fact that he didn't want to undo his seatbelt with Otogi driving in the middle of a crowded intersection, he remained seated and watched as the miles flew by and they were on their way.

.0.0.

Despite Otogi's crazed driving skills and the fact that Joey insisted on blaring rock music all the way to the hospital, they made it relatively quickly and without any serious accidents. No 'serious' accidents because Otogi claimed that hitting two ducks and a deer wasn't a bad thing, in fact, he thought becoming road kill was a peaceful passage to the afterlife.

Tristan didn't agree.

Joey didn't care.

They pulled into the parking lot and Joey went racing out of the car followed by a sorrowful and annoyed Tristan and Otogi, who was making bedroom eyes at one of the passing doctors.

In a minute, all three were at room 204 on the second floor of the hospital. Dr. Kitty told Joey that Hot Dog was doing well and that the piece of meat was ready to receive visitors.

Taking in a deep breath, the blonde opened the door in one swift motion and entered the all white room. In the center of the room was a large white bed, very smooth and placid. But in the center of said bed was an obstruction of the meaty nature. There sat a wrinkled piece of meat wrapped tightly in white bandages that hugged each curve and it appeared to be almost mummified.

Joey rushed over to it and shouted, "Hot Dog! A-Are you okay?"

"…"

"I can barely hear you, say it again?"

"…"

"Oh… So, how do you feel?" He asked, looking at the IV tube that was injected into the thing's face. "This looks pretty painful."

Tristan walked up to the other side of the bed, accompanied by his raven-haired appendage. He blinked, looking at the bandaged hotdog, "… Who the hell would do this to a freaking hotdog?"

"A very skilled doctor." Otogi nodded solemnly.

"Oh, will you…!" Tristan shooed the teenager away from himself before turning sharply to Joey who was deep in conversation, "_Joey_! Let's get out of here, this hospital is obviously as crazy as you are!"

Joey ignored this negative comment and continued to stare at Hot Dog, "I wonder how you look now…"

Suddenly, the door opened again and Dr. Kitty walked in, his white coat swinging behind him. He smiled as he walked into the room with his clipboard, coming to stand beside Joey and watching the resting meat as well.

"I know you can't see it," He began, "But I think Hot Dog's operation went quite well for a pioneering surgery. We repaired all the damage that was done but to heal completely, it'll have to keep the bandages on for about another week. But aside from that, all the ground work's done, so to speak, and it's ready to go home whenever you are."

"Y-You mean I can take it home?" Joey exclaimed, excited.

"Sure can." Dr. Kitty nodded.

Tristan held his head, "This is ridiculous…!"

"Well, that's great, but… recovering from an operation? My apartment isn't the kind of place suited for that type of thing. Hot Dog's going to need to be comfortable and I live in the ghetto!" He twisted his mouth, deep in thought for what seemed like two seconds before his head jerked up and he looked at his two friends on the other side of the bed, "Unless…! Hey, Tristan! Do you think, for just a week, Hot Dog and I could—"

"No, you may not!" He shouted, red in the face, "How could you even ask—!"

"Oh, Tristan, what's the big deal?" Otogi had been admiring himself in the small mirror by the bed for quite some time until he turned around and made a face at the brunette, "It's not like they'd take up much space."

"But!"

"You can stay at my house if you want…" He said to Joey, "But you have to promise to listen to me and pay attention to me when I'm in need."

Joey blinked before smiling brightly, "Aw, thanks, Otogi! I promise to pay attention to ya!"

"Good." He nodded and smiled.

Dr. Kitty smiled, "Sounds like a plan to me."

Every face in the room wore a huge, sunny smile. Except one face. The last face's expression was filled with horror and confusion and anger and all these emotions backed up on him and he exploded into a thousand tiny pieces.

No, just kidding. But he did run out of the room, screaming.

* * *

_**TBC…**_


	9. Joey's Moving In Day

Her Sweetness: -waves- Miss me? I missed you. Heh heh…

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Nine: Joey's Moving In Day

"And this is _your_ room… Oh! Will 'Hot Dog' be needing a separate room? Or do you two, eh, you know…"

Joey blinked, obviously not getting the underlying message.

Otogi, sensing this lack of understanding, reiterated in a less subtle way. He leaned against the doorframe with one hand and put his other hand on his hip, "You know! Do you two get jiggy with it?"

"… AH! G-God! Otogi, what the hell is wrong with you?" He jumped back, horror-stricken at the use of suggestive language in the presence of young meat. The bandaged hotdog, currently in his hand, seemed to not care.

The raven-haired teen shrugged, "What? It's a reasonable question. For a eighteen-year-old, you sure are sensitive… Anyway, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to. Keep your 'privacy'… But, remember, I live here and Tristan is a frequent visitor so please keep the screams of passion down to a minimum."

"OTOGI!"

"Eek! Gosh, I'm going, I'm going!" He cried, having to jump away from the blonde who nearly lunged at him. Otogi flipped his hair and soon was sashaying down the hallway, leaving Joey and Hot Dog in front of their room.

Joey rolled his eyes and walked in, still blushing rather hotly. He closed the door before walking over to the bed with the hotdog. "Don't listen to that guy, Hot Dog. He's a real nut and the biggest pervert I know… It's kinda shameful to even admit that I know him."

"…"

"Yeah, you're right. Setting us up with a room until you get better _was_ really nice of him…"

"…"

"He's probably not as freaky as the bathroom walls in Pizza Hut say."

"…"

"Thanks, I will." He smiled and set the meat down on one of the fluffy, white pillows on the large bed and took in a breath, planting his hands on his hips and taking a look around. "… Well, it's certainly big enough for two people. And now my back won't hurt from sleeping on the floor!"

"…"

Joey tilted his head, "Sorry, I couldn't understand that."

"…"

"Hmm, those bandages are really tight… It's a wonder you can even breathe in there! Is it uncomfortable? Should I…?" He leant in, one knee on the bedspread and his hand over the hotdog, preparing to unravel the recovering meat.

"…"

"Oh! Sorry, I forgot. A whole week with that thing on then, huh? I couldn't stand it."

"…"

"You're the bravest piece of meat I've ever met."

"…"

"Y-Yeah, well…" Joey blushed, smiling, "I guess you've been rubbing off on me. So, anyway, I'll leave you alone for a while. So you can get some shut-eye." He eased off the bed and started for the door. But before he was all the way out, he stopped, turning around to hear what the inanimate object of his affection had to say.

"…"

"… You got it!" He gave a thumbs-up sign, "Ya got my word, I won't let Otogi come near you with toothpicks!"

"…"

"Later."

.0.0.

"Oh, God, Otogi. Not again."

Tristan looked on in near horror at the sight of Otogi donning his 'Kiss My Rolling Pin' apron. They were both currently in the kitchen, Tristan sitting at the table and Otogi over by the stove; now finished tying the knot in the back of his white and pink checkered apron, he twirled around with a wooden spoon in his hand and shook it, violently, at the brunette.

"Now you listen here, Tristan. I am a _good_ cook and I _will_ make something yummy for dinner and you _will_ eat it and you _will not _feed it to the dog under the table!"

He blinked, "Otogi, you don't have a dog."

"Hey, everybody!" Came a happy voice bopping down the stairs and into the kitchen. Joey smiled as he stepped onto the linoleum.

Otogi beamed, "Ah, here he is." He turned towards the boy who was now leaning on the counter, opposite of the stove which was where Otogi had a pot of something boiling. "Hey there, Joey, are you all unpacked?"

"Well, yeah, sort of. But the only thing I had was my cell phone and a bottle of Viagra my mom gave me when I was five."

Before Otogi even opened his mouth, Tristan coughed and silenced him.

He mumbled to the teen, fiddling with a fork, "You don't want to hear that story…"

"Oh…"

Joey looked from teen to teen and shrugged it off, continuing what he was saying to Otogi, "But that's about it. Hot Dog's resting now so I thought I'd come down here. What're you cooking?"

Suddenly, a sly grin spread across the raven-haired boy's face. He lightly waved his wooden spoon in Joey's face and took him by the sleeve, leading him over towards the stove and taking off the lid to reveal, after a vile puff of smog emerged, a pool of green sludge, thick and choppy with pieces of squid heads and tentacles swirling around.

Joey's face lost it's color.

Tristan held his nose, "Otogi! Close that lid! The neighbors will complain!"

"Oh, hush, Tristan! They aren't _your_ neighbors!" He huffed, dipping the large spoon into the concoction and held it up to Joey's mouth. He lowered his eyelids, singing out, "Say 'ah'…!"

"N-No way!" Joey covered his mouth, "That's so gross!"

"Jo-eeeeeeeeeeeeee!" He screeched, trying to get at the blonde's mouth.

"No, Otogi!" Joey cried, but was losing the battle as the other teen lunged at him, forcing them both on the floor, rolling around and around.

Tristan frowned, getting out of the chair and moving back against the stove just in time to avoid being dragged into their fight. He shouted, "Hey, cut it out you two! Get off the floor, you're going to knock something over!"

But it was too late, as it often is. Otogi was rolling around, still trying to get Joey to eat the slop on a stick and Joey was rolling around trying to escape. They hit the oven and almost immediately, Otogi's pot came crashing down to the floor. Of course, as luck would have it, Joey and Otogi's squabble had led them away from the stove while Tristan was left, sticky and wearing an almost burning t-shirt, covered in the green goo.

"AAAHHH! HOT! HOT!" He screamed, running around the kitchen, his arms up in the air, brown eyes wide with tears and horror as he ran up the stairs.

Joey blinked, kicking Otogi off of himself and sprinting up after his buddy, "Hey, Tristan! H-Hold on, man, stop running!"

"Ah… HEY! Come back here, Joey!" And Otogi was up as well, chasing after the two with his half-full wooden spoon.

"HOT!"

"TRISTAN!"

"TASTE THIS!"

Tristan, whose senses - even though he was going through a fair amount of pain - were returning, slowed down once he got to the upstairs hallway and took of his shirt, revealing a raw-looking stomach. Even though he was a bit charred, he smiled, glad for saving himself from third degree burns. He turned to face Joey who he knew was following him.

"Hey, Joey, I'm okay—"

"JOEY, YOU'D BETTER EAT THIS!"

"NO FREAKING WAY!"

Tristan's face dropped. A new fear arose in him, he looked behind himself to see where he was standing and waved his hands wildly at the two running towards him.

"NO! WAIT! STOP!"

They didn't hear and both boys ran into Tristan, all three of them crashing through the hallway's window overseeing the side yard and out they went.

"_AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH_!"

* * *

In the middle of the street a mother walked with her little girl's hand in hers. The five-year-old stopped and pointed at a house on the street, three boys falling out of a second story window, screaming.

"Ooh, look, Mommy." She smiled in awe, "They're flyin'!"

* * *

About thirty minutes later in that same neighborhood, a blue and white car pulled up to the large, white house's driveway. The police had been called by a worried neighbor. And, although the police made extremely frequent visits to this house in particular and were used to odd things happening in the neighborhood, they came out anyway to please the normal people.

The officer stepped out of the car, adjusting his belt and looked to his young partner who was about to get out of his seatbelt as well. "Hey, you stay there, Carl. This'll only take a minute."

"Um… alright."

He nodded and went up to the door, knocked three times and waited, hearing a little bit of commotion and then the door opened, a rather mussed-up teen with green eyes holding the doorknob.

"Oh…" Otogi immediately lost his 'what the hell do you want?' look and adopted a 'come hither' expression, "Hey there, Officer Todd."

"Alright, Mr. Ryuuji. What is it this time? Your neighbor, Mrs. Kao, called and said she heard screams and pained wails come from over here."

He huffed, "Why does she always bother me? I didn't do anything!"

"Do I have to confiscate something from you again?"

"You already have my handcuffs, I don't have anything else!"

Officer Todd gave the boy a disbelieving look and sighed when Otogi returned the look with a wink. He shook his head and pulled out a pad and pen, "Just tell me what went on so I can go."

"… Well," He rolled his eyes, leaning against the doorframe, "Long story short, no one likes my cooking, and so we fell out of the second story window. See?" He pointed up and the officer craned his neck to see a large, broken window. He was about to say something but his gaze moved from the shattered glass to the second window where there sat a blonde with a wrapped up something in his hand, his lips happily moving.

The man in blue looked at Otogi, "… Who's that up there? The blonde?"

"Hmm? Oh. That's Joey. He'll be living with me for the next week."

"Why?"

"His wiener is recovering from surgery."

"…" His eyes widened.

"I swear, he's so obsessed. He'll probably be up there playing with it all week."

"…"

"Oh well, he's young. He's never had one before."

"…"

"Ahem. So, did you want to come in, Officer Todd?" He lowered his voice, taking a step foreword, "I just made dinner, would you like some? It's _really_ good."

"… U-Uh, no thanks, I have doughnuts… Um, just keep the noise down in the future, Mr. Ryuuji. Goodbye." And with that said, he almost sprinted to the car and they hightailed it out of there, Officer Todd's young partner asking questions all the way.

Otogi pouted, "Nobody wants to play with me!"

.0.0.

"Thanks, but I'm okay."

"…"

"Nah, I don't need a doctor, I'm fine!" Joey grinned, rubbing the back of his head. He actually didn't get it the worst of the fall, him being in the middle. He'd landed on Tristan which cushioned his fall not to mention the pile of leaves they landed into. But having Otogi screaming and flailing around, holding onto his head, was not his idea of safe and so, due to Otogi's crazed fit, he had a fair amount of scratches on his back.

He shook his head, smiling, "It was almost kinda fun. I've never flown before."

"…"

"Yeah, maybe one day, we can go together."

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Joey turned his head and chirped out, "Come in."

"Hey, Joey…" Tristan moaned, opening the door with his shoulder. He looked rather awful. A cut above his eyebrow and a few more all over his body. Dirt smudges here and there and he couldn't move his right leg. Joey had earlier asked Tristan to go see a doctor but Tristan, who was locked in macho-mode, declined. He now asked, "Joey, do you have any cocoa butter?"

"Uh, no. Sorry. I think I saw Otogi with some earlier, though. It might be in his bedroom—"

"…" Hot Dog intervened.

"Oh. Alright. Tristan, it's on his dresser."

Tristan blinked, "What are you talking about?"

"Hot Dog just said the cocoa butter you wanted was on Otogi's dresser. Did you hurt your ears, too?"

"Ugh! Joey! Don't tell me you're talking to that—"

"Oh, _BOYS_!"

Both teens looked away from each other and towards Otogi who had appeared in the doorway next to Tristan. He was sparkling and happy, obviously recovered from any injuries he might've obtained during the fall, that is if he even received any. He waved his purse, which was slung over his shoulder, at them and it jingled. "I'm going to Victoria's Secret now. The sale starts in fifteen minutes and I don't want to have to wait in line behind those fat cows."

Tristan shook his head, "Sorry, Otogi, I can't take you. I'm way too tired."

"Oh, you poor thing. That's okay; I got all the money I needed from your wallet and I'm taking your MasterCard just for backup. If you need anything, I have my cell phone on 'tingle'."

Joey tilted his head, "Don't you mean 'vibrate'?"

Otogi winked, "You have yours and I have mine. Toodles."

* * *

_**TBC…**_


	10. In the Middle of the Night

Her Sweetness: Hey there, here's the next chapter.

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Ten: In the Middle of the Night

Otogi had bounced happily out of the house, took the car, along with all of Tristan's money, and raced down the street with the song 'Barbie Girl' blaring on the radio. Tristan stayed at Otogi's house only because his leg didn't feel well enough to journey home though it was just down the street. Another reason Tristan stayed, though he'd never let on to it, is that he liked Otogi's house. It was big and bright and very serene when Otogi wasn't there, mucking up the scenery with his voice.

So, taking advantage of this rare moment of peace, Tristan sat on the bench on the house's front porch. He propped his sprained leg up on the white-painted fence in front of the bench and relaxed to the calming sounds of the twilight stage of the night. The bugs buzzing around the porch lights, the shouts of abducted children off in the distance and the Joeys opening the screen doors and joining him on the bench.

"Hey there, Tristan!" He smiled, happily plunking down beside him, handing him a cold beer.

"Aw hell." Tristan groaned, "Joey, I came out here to be alone."

"Yeah, I came out here to be alone too." Joey nodded, mumbling the words while he gulped down his own can of beer.

Tristan shook his head, looking dismissively at his can and then popping it open, taking a large swallow, letting it swish in his mouth. "Joey, you can't be alone when you're drinking beer with someone else. That kinda defeats the purpose."

"No it doesn't, I just don't want you to be lonely."

"I'm not lonely!"

"… I used to be lonely a lot."

"Is that a fact?" Tristan rolled his eyes, knowing that if Joey had something to say to him, he was going to keep sitting here until whatever it was rolled out of his mouth. He might as well get comfortable, he told himself as he leaned his head back, listening to Joey talk with his mouth full of liquid, sputtering and spitting it out all over him. He could tell this wasn't Joey's first beer of the night by the way his face was tinged red.

"Uh-huh. It was really sad." He continued, "It was like the same thing every day. I'd go out in the morning looking for odd jobs and usually the only thing I got was making small deliveries for old ladies who couldn't make the trip down to the Sex Shops. Then I'd go rent a movie and come home. But I always kept forgetting that I didn't own a television or a VCR so I'd read the back of the box and say to myself, 'This sounds great. Too bad I can't watch it.' And that was my routine, Tristan…"

Tristan shook his head, hiding his smirk by raising the can to his lips again.

"And then it all got better and I owe it all to you, buddy." Joey smiled at his friend, slapping him on the back and the drink flew out of his hand and onto the lawn.

Tristan scowled, "How so, Joey?"

"Because you took me to _The Test Tickle _that night and that's when I met Hot Dog. Things have been going great ever since!"

"Oh for crap's sake. Joey!" His scowl deepened as he turned to the blonde who had suddenly stopped chugging at the harsh tone Tristan was using, "Joey, I just can't believe you, of all people, have snapped! I mean, sure, you were never the most _stable_ person but I figured you had a pretty good handle on yourself! Now look at you!"

"…" Joey blinked and slowly looked down at himself. He gasped and nodded, "Yeah, I know. My shoes don't match."

"… NO!"

Joey jumped, "W-What?"

"That was not what I was talking about! I meant that disgusting piece of meat you room with!"

"Hey! How many times do I have to say it? Stop saying those kinds of things! I really like Hot Dog! You don't see me knocking Otogi!"

"Not out loud…" He rolled his eyes, continuing, "And besides that, Otogi's _human_."

"Oh! So it's the whole species thing, is it? I swear, Tristan, you're such a bigot!"

Tristan's eyes rounded as he faulted, "W-What? I'm a what? There's no way you just called me a bigot!"

"Yeah, I did! You're so stuck on Hot Dog's appearance that you don't even try to see the sweet person inside that Hot Dog really is! I'll have you know that Hot Dog's really torn up over the fact that you hate it so much!"

"… YOU'RE INSANE!"

"I'm in love!"

Right after it had come rushing out of his mouth, it registered to Joey what he had said and he wanted to stuff the words back into his mouth. But, as Joey soon found out, words don't work like that. He blushed as Tristan gaped at him, his pupils as small as brown gumdrops in a sea of white. His mouth hung open and his impression of a fish was worthy of an Oscar.

"Um, heh…" Joey grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head, "That wasn't meant to come out like that but… ahem, it's the truth."

"…"

"… Tristan?"

"…"

"Tristan! C'mon, say… _something_."

"… You idiot."

Joey frowned, "That's not exactly the something I was wanting to hear…"

"Well, what else can I possibly say?" He shouted, his voice becoming more and more shrill as his face reddened, "You just told me that you're in love with a hotdog! A piece of meat! Joey, do you even know what hotdogs are made of? The _extra_ parts of pigs! Extra!"

"It's what's on the inside that counts!"

"Pig testicles are what's inside your _love_!"

The blonde crunched his beer can and threw it on the lawn, landing it right next to Tristan's. He stood up, wobbling a little and beginning to walk back inside, saying on the way, "Jeez, Tristan. And here I thought my best friend would be happy for me."

"PIG TESTICLES!" He shouted after him, just before the screen door shut behind that scorned figure.

.0.0.

It was around midnight when Joey and his roommate finally went to bed. They had been playing cards for hours after Joey had returned to their room in a bit of a huff, telling Hot Dog about how his so-called best friend was so closed-minded. But the hotdog, as it often did, calmed Joey down and they began playing Go Fish. Joey lost all ten games.

Despite all the racket from when Otogi came back from his Victoria's Secret escapade, he slept rather well. Hot Dog went right to sleep, not bothered by Otogi and Tristan arguing over the price of a licorice thong. After that, Joey didn't remember much as he had drifted into a lovely dream world. Though his peace was short-lived due to the urgent calling of his name not two hours later.

"Joey! Joey!" Came a harsh whisper in the darkness of the room.

Said blonde took in a sharp breath and turned in the bed, rubbing at his eyes to see better. He made out a figure standing at his bedside, glowing as the bright moonshine spilled in through the window. Joey reached onto the nightstand and turned on his lamp, the mysterious figure suddenly revealed as Otogi in all his pink-negligee-glory.

He blinked slowly before whispering, almost unbelievingly, "Otogi? W-What are you _doing _here?"

"Hey there, Joey." He made a happy noise of acknowledgement and suddenly hopped into the bed, snuggling under the covers, finally nose-to-nose with Joey. Otogi shifted his legs around, wearing a thoughtful look before asking, "Are you naked?"

"N-No! I have boxers on!"

"Oh, that's too bad. Oh well, I'm not here for that."

"W-What the hell do you mean by 'that'?" He shouted.

"Shh!" Otogi frowned, "Stop all that yelling, do you wanna wake the whole neighborhood? Tristan's a real light sleeper and he'll hear your squealing all the way from his house. Then he'll call me and complain about it."

Joey blinked, "You mean Tristan's gone home?"

"Yeah, a long time ago. So it's just you and me." Otogi smiled.

The blonde teen yawned before quickly glancing at the digital clock on the nightstand. He groaned at the boy laying next to him, "Oh, Otogi! It's freaking two in the morning!"

"I know how to tell _time_, Joey Wheeler." He huffed, "But remember your promise to me."

"… Promise?"

"The conditions to your living here! You _and_ your wiener. Remember, you said you would talk and listen to me when I needed attention. And don't you even think of going back on your word, Joey, our I'll toss you out on the street! And I'll _eat_ your stupid wiener just out of spite."

Joey gasped, "You wouldn't!"

"Try me." Otogi narrowed his eyes into narrow slits.

There was a moment when they both just lay there, glaring at each other. That is until Joey sighed and turned on his back, starring up at the ceiling and stealing a glance at the raven-haired teen beside him. "Alright, you win. We'll talk. But just keep your voice down," He motioned towards the pillow on his other side, "Hot Dog's sleeping."

Otogi looked over Joey's chest and noticed the bandaged hotdog sitting in silence. He nodded, smirking, "Oh, alright."

"… So," He breathed, "What is it you want to talk about?"

"Oh, nothing specific really… I just like to chat in the middle of the night sometimes. Tristan hates it. Every time I try to say something to him that doesn't have the word 'motorcycles' attached to it, he tunes me out. Can you believe that?"

"… No."

Otogi tilted his head into the pillow, "Joey, I get the feeling I'm being ignored by you, too."

"I'm listening!"

"Oh, yeah? Then what's my favorite color?"

Joey turned to the boy, an odd look on his face, "What does that have to do with what you just said—"

"Stop stalling!"

"Alright! Um… green?"

Otogi narrowed his eyes suspiciously, "What _kind_ of green?"

"Hell if I know!"

"Joey!"

"Ugh! Emerald! Emerald green!" He guessed, getting more annoyed by the second.

Otogi blinked before smiling happily, "Oh, Joey, you got it right!"

"… Great. So, am I going to get to sleep anytime soon?"

The teen next to the blonde ignored this question and asked, "So what about that fight that you and Tristan had? Is that why you're so grumpy?"

"I'm grumpy because it's two in the freaking morning. And… how did you know I had a fight with Tristan?"

"Oh, he told me. Said you'd gone loopy and told me to keep a gun in the house. I think he was kidding about the gun part. But then, you never know about Tristan… So what's this I hear about you falling in love with that thing? It's old, you know. It's wrinkled and old. You're in love with an old hotdog. Wouldn't that shame your mother?"

Joey grunted and rolled his eyes, "Not you, too…"

Otogi shook his head, "Oh, I don't care."

"… You don't?"

"No. Why should I? I told Tristan before, you're eighteen and what you do is your business. You could be in love with a dog for all I care, you'd still be the same Joey to me."

Joey smiled, his eyes becoming watery, "A-And you'd still let us stay here if I was in love with a dog?"

"Sure. But if that dog crapped in my house, I'd rub your nose in it."

"That sounds fair." He grinned before abruptly pulling Otogi into a warm hug. He sniffled, "G-Gee, thanks, Otogi. You sure are more understanding than Tristan. You're my best friend!"

Otogi blinked before gently pushing the teen away, "My best friend is Sharonda. But if she does something scandalous, I'll let you know and you can fill in until I get a new one. Sound good?"

"… Um. Okay."

"Great." Otogi reached back and tugged on the light switch of the lamp, cloaking the room in a soft darkness. He snuggled deeper into the covers and yawned, "Well, goodnight."

"… Wait! You mean, you're sleeping in _here_?"

"I don't feel like getting up and going all the way to my room."

"It's right down the hall!"

"Shh. You don't want to wake up your true love now, do you?"

Joey blushed and nudged Otogi in the back, "Don't say that. If Hot Dog wakes up and hears it, I'll never be able to look it in the eyes again."

"… You haven't told it?"

"No."

Otogi gasped, a sharp breath of excitement as he giggled, "So it's a secret love then? Ooh, it's like something out of a Lifetime movie! The Blonde and the Wiener: A Story of Deception. It even _sounds_ mysterious."

"It's not mysterious! Now, for Pete's sake, go to sleep."

"Ooh! A twist in plot! Who's this 'Pete'? A skeleton in young Joey Wheeler's closet, perhaps?"

"_Otogi_!"

.0.0.

The next morning, Otogi had gotten out of bed early and he didn't do it too discreetly, either. He made sure Joey said good morning to him and he demanded a foot massage as well and although Joey objected, he surrendered after Otogi threatened to awaken Hot Dog and divulge all of Joey's secrets.

Shortly after Otogi left, supposedly to cook something for breakfast, Joey tried to go back to sleep as it had been early when Otogi woke him up. But, because of the sunrays flooding the room, he never got to sleep. So he threw the covers off of himself and trudged out of the bed, putting on some clothes to ready himself for whatever he was going to do that day.

It was while he was tugging his shirt over his head that he heard something. He pulled the t-shirt down and looked towards the bed, smiling at the small thing between the sheets, "Oh, hey, you're up. Listen, Otogi's downstairs, I think he's making breakfast. If you want, I can tell him you're still sleeping and you won't have to eat whatever it is he's gonna try to shove down my throat—"

"…"

Joey stopped halfway in the middle of his faint chuckle and blinked, eyes wide at Hot Dog, "W-What?"

"…"

"Ah… no way, you were?" He blushed, feeling his face becoming hotter and hotter.

"…"

"Um… well, yeah, I mean…" Joey sighed, rubbing the back of his neck and shuffling his left foot in a circle on the carpet. "I-I do love you…"

"…"

His blonde head suddenly jerked up, "R-Really?" He asked, shakily.

"…"

Joey's brown eyes were now glistening and he took a few steps closer to the bed and the meaty object of his affection. He gulped and took in a shaky breath, "Um… If that's true, then… I have something to ask you…"

* * *

**_TBC…_**


	11. Preferences

Her Sweetness: -looks up from my keyboard- Hmm? Yeah, yeah, I'm typing it! Sheesh…

…

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Eleven: Preferences

"We're engaged."

"…"

"…"

Joey was sitting in one of the wooden chairs surrounding Otogi's kitchen table. The chair across from him was occupied by Tristan who had come over early in the morning as he usually does, for lack of anything better to do. Otogi was up at the stove, vigorously tapping skillets and trying to keep things from burning. Still, a disgusting smell filled the air which was what almost deterred Joey from coming down in the first place. But, despite the awful smells, he, along with Hot Dog in his hand, ventured down and sat in the chair across from Tristan.

And that's when he had dropped the bomb that commanded an intense silence throughout the kitchen. Tristan starred at the blonde, brown eyes showing no emotion and as Joey cleared his throat, looking to Otogi, said raven-haired teen had stopped his fussing over the stove and was starring at Joey, a spoon hanging out of his mouth.

It was only a few seconds after he had said it but it seemed like an eternity. Finally, Joey spoke again. "Um… I-I mean, me and Hot Dog. Um, we're engaged and… stuff… So…"

He looked at both of them and they still said nothing.

"And… that's all I wanted to say," He coughed, looking at the bandaged hotdog on the coffee table and reaching for it, "So I guess I'll see you two later… Um, yeah… Bye."

As Joey started for the door, pushing in the kitchen chair behind him, a sudden burst of laughter echoed in the room. Both Otogi and Joey shot a look at Tristan who was the source of this merry guffaw. He continued to the point where tears were welling in the corners of his eyes as he reclined in his chair, hand over his eyes.

Otogi blinked, "Tristan…? You okay?"

After about a minute more, Tristan came back down from cloud nine and got up from his own chair, walking over to Joey and then patting him on the back, hardily, "Ah, man, that's really funny. You've still got your sense of humor, Joey!"

"…" Joey looked from him to Otogi and then back to Tristan, "Um… humor?"

"Yeah!" He snorted, "Really awesome."

"T-Tristan," Otogi sweat dropped and scratched the back of his head, "I really don't think Joey's joking."

"Of course he's joking," He retorted, angrily and then turned back to Joey, putting a large hand on the boy's blonde head, "Joey may be an idiot. But even he knows how far he can actually take this hotdog thing. Joey knows that—"

"Joey _knows_ that he is serious about this, thank you very much!" Joey pouted, addressing himself in the third person while pulling out of Tristan's grip. He lifted his head and his hotdog with dignity and said, proudly, "Hot Dog and I are getting married, Tristan! You can't change our minds!"

"…"

Tristan looked at Joey for a moment, brown eyes locking brown eyes, one pair distant and empty and another determined and full of hopeful love. And Otogi in the background, pouting that no one was staring into his eyes. Finally, the starring contest had been won. Tristan turned away and walked across the kitchen floor , shooing Otogi out of the way and suddenly sticking his head in the oven and shouting out, "Turn it up to broil, Otogi!"

"Tristan, don't!" Otogi wailed, "I have a raspberry soufflé in there!"

Joey scampered over and began vigorously pulling on Tristan's hindquarters, "Tristan! Cut it out man, why can't you just accept this?"

"Because my EX-best friend is trying to marry a hotdog! Do you see nothing wrong with that?" He shouted, his voice an echo in the warm oven. There was a pause and then another shout, "Damn, it's hot in here!"

"DUH!"

"Get your face outta my dough!" Otogi screeched, banging on Tristan's butt with his wooden spoon, "I worked so hard!"

"I won't get out of here until Joey comes to some sense!"

The raven-haired teen turned to the blonde, "Joey, can't you just elope and live with that thing in sin?"

"No! I wanna do it the right way!"

"There IS no right way!"

"Somebody better give up his wiener or else I'm going to broil my head! Freak, it's hot in here!"

"Then get your head out of that damned oven!"

"… OH MY GOD, I'M STUCK!"

"WHAT!" Both Otogi and Joey looked at each other before yelling madly and each grabbing one of Tristan's legs, pulling fiercely.

Over Tristan's pained screams, his head now stuck between the bars of the rapidly heating oven rack, Otogi shouted to Joey, "This is your fault, Joey! First you make Tristan get his head stuck in my soufflé and now he's going to die even before he's bought me my birthday present!"

"This isn't my fault!"

"Shut up and get me out of here!"

Joey sniffled as Tristan's legs flailed around and Otogi stopped to reapply his lip-gloss. He turned to the hotdog in his other hand and looked at it, teary-eyed, "H-Hot Dog, I think this is the end of the road for Tristan! Even though he's bein' a real prick about our engagement, he's still my best friend! What am I gonna do?"

"…"

Joey blinked, "You think that'll work?"

"…"

"You're a genius, Hot Dog! Hey, Otogi!" He turned to the raven-haired boy, "Turn _off_ the oven!"

Now it was Otogi who was blinking, now ignoring Tristan's legs thrashing all around. "You really think that'll work?"

Tristan's voice came out, weakly, "G-Good-bye cruel world…"

"Hot Dog says it will."

"… Okeydokey, then." Otogi slipped his lip-gloss back into the front pocket of his apron and reached over the eyes of the stove to turn off the oven. In a second all the heat was gone but Tristan had fallen limp in the oven, still caught between the racks. Joey peeped in and felt his friend's pulse on his wrist. There was a faint pounding.

"Yes! He's alive!" He turned to both Otogi and Hot Dog, "We did it!"

Otogi was too busy sobbing, "My raspberry soufflé! Tristan, you geek, you ruined it!"

.0.0.

A bit later, after Joey calmed Otogi down, he was able to coax the boy into helping him get the paralyzed Tristan out of the oven. Though they weren't able to pull his head from between the bars of the rack, they were able to remove the rack from the oven.

Now seated on the living room couch was Tristan, the most unpleasant expression on his face and the oven rack decorating his neck. Otogi sat down next to him and was singing happily, buttering the brunette's neck so that they could get the rack off easily. Joey was sitting on the loveseat across from them, his fiancé in his left hand.

Joey cleared his throat to put some sound in the room. Sound other than Otogi's obscene singing.

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me…"

"Otogi," Tristan growled, "That is the last thing I wanna hear right now!"

A pout spread across his features and he threw down the butter, turning the other way, "Fine! Get someone else to butter your damn head!"

Tristan rolled his eyes and turned back to Joey, the rack attached to his head making it hard for him to change direction. He narrowed his eyes at them both, Joey and Hot Dog, but before he could say anything, Joey spoke up, "Don't be that way, Tristan! You may not know it but it was really Hot Dog who saved you from being burnt to a crisp, it told me and Otogi to turn off the heat! Isn't that right, Otogi?"

"Everybody hates my singing!" Otogi wailed.

Joey blinked, "… Okay, never mind him."

"… Any idiot could've told you to turn down the heat!" Tristan resumed shouting.

"_You_ didn't!"

"_I_ was trapped in an oven rack! … And I still am!"

"Oh yeah?" Joey raised a skeptical eyebrow, "And whose fault was that? You stuck your own head inside."

"You made me want to kill myself! You and your damned hotdog! This is utterly ridiculous, Joey! Marriage? Who in their right mind would marry you to a hotdog?"

"Actually," Otogi said, his tears now transformed to small sniffles as he turned to face Joey and Tristan, "There'd probably be a lot of places that would do it just for publicity reasons, you know. It'd crack people up."

"Stop helping him!" Tristan shouted, almost chocking himself with his oven-appendage.

Joey shook his head, "We're not doing this so someone can laugh at us!"

"Too late."

The blonde ignored this comment, "Me and Hot Dog love each other and if you can't be happy for me, Tristan, then you're not going to be invited to the wedding!" With that, he rose from his seat and stormed off upstairs, taking the wiener with him.

Tristan yelled after him, "There isn't going to _be_ a wedding—Ah!" His rants were ceased when he fell to the floor and the rack conked him on the head, "OW!"

Otogi grinned smugly, "I bet cha wish I was buttering your head _now_, don't cha?"

"Oh, shut UP!"

.0.0.

_Ring, Ring, Ring…_

Yugi looked up from his novel at the phone that rang not two feet away from the couch he was currently seated on. He thought for a moment before calling out, "Hey, Yami! Could you answer the phone?"

There was a pause and then, "Why can't you answer it?"

"…" Yugi shouted back, "I-I can't, I'm peeing!"

"… Okay!"

Suddenly there were footsteps that came from the staircase and soon Yugi was starring at Yami as he stood at the base of the stairs. The taller of the two tilted his head at his hikari, "Yugi, why are you peeing on the couch?"

"… Yami, answer the phone."

He shrugged, "Okeydokey."

As he made his way over to the phone stand, Yugi turned back to his book, thinking, 'Yami, you're such a tool.'

"Hello?" Yami asked into the line, a happy lilt in his voice.

"Hey, Yami,"

"Joey?"

"Yes, siree. I called to tell you and Yugi the good news!"

"Oh? Did you finally get enough money for your vasectomy?"

"Nah, not yet. But I'm getting there. Anyway, I'm gettin' married."

Yami blinked into the phone, a rather shocked look on his face. He asked, "That so? To who, Joey? Don't tell me, Kaiba—"

"Ew, no! Don't be gross. I'm gettin' hitched to Hot Dog, I'm guessing that either Tristan or Otogi told you that I was dating someone."

"… Um… Well… Some_thing_." Yami said, uncomfortably and held his palm up to the receiver. He waved over to his hikari who was still immersed in his book. "Y-Yugi, please come here."

"What is it, Yami?"

"Joey called… he's getting married."

"… Don't tell that Kaiba finally came out of the closet?"

"No, to his hotdog." Yami nodded to the phone, "I don't know what to say to him."

"Alright. Lemme take a shot at him." Yugi motioned for the phone and Yami gladly handed it over. Yugi sighed and put it up to his ear, "Hey, Joey."

"Hey, Yugi! Did Yami tell ya my good news?"

"… Well, yeah. Hey, Joey, can I ask you something?"

"Aw, you don't need to ask, Yugi." Joey smiled into the phone, "You know that you and Yami are gonna be invited. I was kinda wondering if you could be my best man!"

"… Okay… T-That sounds great, Joey."

The blonde heard the strange tone of his friend's voice, "What's wrong, Yugi?"

Yugi sighed again, scratching his head, "Well, to be honest with you, I'm a bit worried. I mean, are you sure that you wanna go through with this? Marriage is a big step, Joey, and it's something that should be taken seriously. I mean, think about it, how long have you actually known this hotdog? Uh, it could be anybody! A whole side of it that you don't know and if you find out like a week after you get married, you might realize—a bit too late, I might add—that it isn't who you thought it was…"

Joey smiled, "Aw, Yugi! I'm glad ya worried about me, man, but you don't have to! I know it's been less than two weeks since I met Hot Dog, but I really feel like this is the right thing to do."

There was a long pause and finally Yugi spoke again, "Alright, Joey, I'm going to tell you something you might not want to hear but as a _friend_, I think I should say it."

"What's that, Yugi?"

"T-This is a hotdog you're trying to marry… You have to admit, it isn't normal."

"Hey, come on, Yugi. I know it isn't an everyday thing, but we're in love. And I don't criticize _your_ sexual preferences."

Yugi blushed furiously, "That isn't what this is about!"

"Really?"

"Really! I just think maybe you should date around more before you damn yourself to a life with a meat byproduct!"

"Thanks for your concern, Yugi. But I'll be fine, really. Well, I'll call ya later with all the details, like the date and all that. See ya."

"But—"

_Bleep, Bleep, Bleep…_

Yugi blinked at hearing the dial tone and set the phone back onto the cradle. He turned around, facing his other half and sighed when he asked, "Well?"

"I'm going to be best man, Yami."

"… Oh…?"

…

TBC…


	12. Guys Don't Do No More For Me

Her Sweetness: -sings- She has a girlfriend now, she said "guys don't do no mo' for me"…

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Twelve: Guys Don't Do No Mo For Me

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Otogi."

"Otogi, who?"

"Otogi, the guy you're living with, now let me in there!"

Joey groaned at the raven-haired boy's scratching at his door. Even knowing Otogi, Joey didn't think that living here temporarily would be this big of a hassle. Never was he left with a moment's peace. He had just got done dealing with Tristan and his single-mindedness. Then he called Yugi and Yami to tell them of the good news though he wasn't so sure that Yugi was as ecstatic as he should've been.

Ever since hanging up with Yugi, Joey had been in his room with Hot Dog and a large phonebook. His concentration was broken when the knocking came followed by Otogi's voice.

The blonde shook his head, shouting back at the closed door, "I'm busy, Otogi, come back later."

"Joey, let me in! What are you so busy with that you don't have time for the ever wonderful and magical me?"

"Ugh… I-I'm using the bathroom!"

There was a pause. "Joey, you don't _have_ a bathroom in there! I better not have to call the carpet cleaners!"

"… Damn." Joey sighed and then turned to his fiancée who was resting on the floor beside him. "Hot Dog, Otogi won't leave, what should I tell him?"

"…"

"Well I know it's mean but Otogi really is annoying and he'd only mess this up even more if he were in here."

"…"

"… _Hey_, that might work! Thanks." He cleared his throat and then called over, "You can't come in, Otogi, I'm not dressed."

Suddenly the door burst open and Otogi appeared on the other side, a wicked smile on his lips. But that quickly transformed into a frown when he saw Joey in a dark red t-shirt and denim jeans, sitting Indian-style on the carpet. He pouted, throwing his arms across one another and shouting: "You lied to me, Joey Wheeler!"

"Well, hey, I didn't think you would actually come in!" He shouted back, red in the face.

Otogi starred at him blankly as if you say, 'Come on, this is _me_ we're talking about.' Joey waited for a moment before he lifted and dropped his shoulders, obviously waving the white flag. "Alright, now that you're _here_, what do you want?"

"Oh, just to be close to my number one guy," He'd zipped over to the spot where Joey and his companion were seated and latched himself onto Joey's arm, smiling up at him.

Joey twisted his mouth. "Don't call me your number one guy." He said, "What about Tristan?"

"Well, Tristan's whining at me to butter his neck. I can't stand people who are needy like that! People who just can't take the hint to leave you alone! Don't they get on your nerves, Joey?"

"Oh yeah."

"See, we're so alike!" Otogi beamed and looked down at the yellow pages opened before him. He scanned the page quickly, looking to see if there were any Sex Shops nearby that he was not familiar with but instead, noticed that the book was opened to the Wedding pages. He gasped.

"Joey! You're looking for wedding chapels, aren't you?" He sounded as if he were accusing Joey of committing a crime.

The blonde looked down at Otogi and reddened a little, scratching the back of his head. "Well, yeah, I was, but then you came in and—"

"Oh Joey!" Otogi shook his head fiercely, holding onto his cheeks with both of his hands, giggling and blushing. "This is so _sudden_… I never even thought of marrying _you_! Don't tell me, that's why you've been hanging around Tristan all these years! Now it all makes sense! Those secret, lust-filled glances you give me while I'm standing near Tristan, those soft touches of my hand in the hallway! Even those feelings I got at Battle City when I could see you from the dueling platform, undressing me with your eyes! Oh, Joey, you know, all you had to do was ask for it, baby!"

And with that, he launched himself onto Joey, not giving the poor boy a change to defend himself.

Hot Dog was forced to watch as it's husband-to-be was sexually assaulted. Fortunately for both Joey and Hot Dog, Otogi only got as far as taking off Joey's shirt before the door to the bedroom opened once again, this time with Tristan on the other side, a satisfied smile on his face, probably because he was no longer stuck in an oven rack. His smile quickly dropped to an oval shape.

"Joey!" Tristan shouted, outraged.

"It wasn't me!" He cried back, looking quite innocent with Otogi straddling his hips and tearing his shirt.

Tristan narrowed his eyes at Otogi.

"Um…" He blinked, "God told me to…?"

"… Ugh! Otogi, what am I going to do with you?"

"Well, hey, Tristan, don't get all huffy with me!" He folded his arms and then looked down at miserable Joey beneath him. "After all, Joey's lonely! All he has is some wrinkled piece of meat!"

"That's all he _wants_." Tristan rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, that's all I want!" Joey sat up, jiggling Otogi until the teen fell onto the floor. He brushed himself off. "I wasn't looking for a wedding chapel for me and _you_, Otogi, it's for me and Hot Dog!"

"… Oh."

Tristan shook his head, turning around for the hallway. "I'm not listening to this. You guys can play pretend all you want but Joey is not getting married to that hotdog and, Otogi, don't let me catch you on top of Joey again!"

"Don't worry, you won't…" Otogi said begrudgingly. When Tristan was half way down the hallway and out of earshot, he added quietly: "I'm gonna be on bottom."

"You are not!" Joey shouted, clearly hearing Otogi declaration. He shook his head once he had the boy's attention. "Otogi, I'm not into guys that way. I'm just not. It's like… Um, it's like trying to make _you_ fall for a girl! Gonna happen anytime soon?"

"Hell no."

"Exactly." He smiled, proud of his analysis. "So, now that we're on the same page, are you gonna do that again?"

"Yes."

"Great, so—Wait! Y-You said yes!"

Otogi broke out into a fit of giggles and waved his hand at flustered Joey. "I was _kidding_. I'm not interested in you, anyway, Joey. To be honest, last night, when you were sleeping, I took your virginity. You didn't seem to mind then."

There was an intense silence in the room. So intense, in fact, that it only lasted for 0.3 milliseconds before Joey blew up, his face now as red as his t-shirt that was torn in two, laying on the floor.

"YOU DID WHAT? OTOGI! YOU'RE INSANE! YOU FREAK, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD STOOP SO LOW! I'M SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED AND I'VE WORKED SO HARD TO KEEP MY VIRGINITY _ALL THESE YEARS_! YOU WRECKED IT ALL IN ONE NIGHT! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, HUH, OTOGI? _HUH_?"

He shrugged. "It was fun?"

"OOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Another outburst of giggles and Joey stopped in mid-lunge at the raven-haired boy. Otogi lifted his head up and, in between chuckles, he said: "Joey, I'm _kidding_."

"…" Joey's face dropped.

"Y-You should've seen how upset you were! It was so funny! Aw, poor Joey," He stifled the rest of his laughter to consol the blonde by hugging him.

"Don't touch me." Joey pouted.

"He he he! Where's your sense of humor, huh?" He patted Joey on the back, continuing, "I would never do such a thing without your consent, Joey. And, just so you know, that soreness you woke up with _was _me. I thought it would be fun to kick you all night. Ee he he he!"

"… Hilarious."

He grinned. "Look, I'll make it up to you. You just go down there and make up with Tristan and _I'll_ stay up here and find a nice place for you to get married to your wiener, mm'kay?"

"Uh, um, t-that might not be a good idea, O—"

"Nonsense! Of course it is, I'm Domino's Love Guru and nobody can do this better than me!"

Joey's left eye twitched. "Love Guru, is it?"

"Now you just go on down there and…" He trailed off as he pushed Joey to the door of the room.

"W-Wait a minute! The _last_ time I left you in a room alone with Hot Dog, it had to go through major surgery! How do I know you won't mess with it again?"

"You have my _word_."

"What good is that?" He shouted.

"Goodbye, Joey!" Otogi smiled, shoving the blonde into the hallway and shutting the door behind him.

Joey stuck around the door for a minute or two, his ear to the crack of it to try and hear if there were any strange sounds coming from either of them. After he heard nothing but Otogi talking about how cute he was, he decided to go down stairs, to take Otogi's advice and see if he might indeed be able to patch up things with Tristan.

When he got to the living room, Tristan was sitting on the couch with the television volume down all the way and the phone receiver up to his ear. He was talking in a hushed voice. Joey blinked and crouched down on all fours, slinking from the bottom step of the staircase over to the back of the couch. He sat up and put his head in the crook of the armrest so that he could hear what was going on.

"Yeah," Tristan said into the receiver, moving it closer to his ear. "Yeah, he's still talking about this marriage thing. Him and Otogi are up there right now, the last time I checked. Yugi, what am I gonna do?" He asked, exasperated.

"Tristan, calm down." Yugi's voice was heard, him using his comforting tone with Tristan.

"I can't calm down, he thinks that hotdog is alive. Say that in your mind."

"Tristan—"

"Do it," He whispered, harshly.

There was a pause. "Alright, I did it."

"Now doesn't that sound ridiculous? A grown man believing that a piece of meat can talk and _marry_?"

"I know where you're coming from, Tristan, believe me, but I think you have to take Joey's feelings into consideration. I talked to him today and that hotdog may not be alive or real to us, but to _him_, it is."

"Well what can we do about _that_, then?"

"… Hmm. Oh, hold on, Tristan. W-What is it, Yami?"

A few mumbles followed and Yugi answering in the positive or negative. In a second, Yugi came back on the line and said to Tristan: "Yami has an idea, Tristan and, surprisingly… it's a good one."

"Wow. _Yami_ had a good idea?"

"Yeah, it's… a little creepy."

"Tell me about it. Anyway, so what's this grand idea of his? Even if it wasn't good, I'm so desperate, I'd try anything."

"Well, here's what we've got— Oh Ra! Yami, don't do that! _Yami_! OH MY FREAKING RA! YAMI! GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER! _NO_! THE BIG RED BOTTLE! NOT _THAT_ BIG RED BOTTLE!"

There was a long pause and Tristan blinked into the phone, asking curiously: "Y-Yugi? Everything okay?"

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

"… Well that isn't good. Stop, drop and roll, Yugi!"

A few more screams and the phone line went dead.

"Yugi? Yugi? Aw man…" Tristan shook his head and set the receiver back onto the cradle, simultaneously putting his forearm on Joey's blonde head.

"AHHH!"

"AHHH!"

They both jumped away from each other and landed on opposite sides of the room, starring at the other, wide-eyed. Tristan had scrambled to the other side of the couch while Joey panted on the floor, clutching at his heart. Having caught his breath and realizing who it was, Tristan's eyebrows slanted foreword.

"Joey, were you listening to my conversation?"

Joey, incoherent from the yelling and his current situation, looked around and yelled out: "Quack!" before screaming and running back up the stairs and into the hallway.

Tristan watched him go and, for lack of anything better to do, whispered, "Moo."

.0.0.

Joey opened the door to his temporary room in Otogi's house. He shut it tightly behind him and kept his hands on the doorknob while he tried to sort out his thoughts. Tristan had scarred him so bad, his mind had gone completely blank and did he shout out _quack_?

Just as he had gotten into the room, Otogi, who was on the floor next to Hot Dog, turned around, closing the top of his cell phone.

"Hey there, Joey," He smiled. "So did you and Tristan make up? Are you two all lovey-dovey again?"

"First of all," Joey wheezed out, "We never were lovey-dovey. And second, no, we didn't make up. He scared me and I said quack."

"…"

"Yeah."

"Um, alright. So, anyway, I found the perfect place! I made you an appointment with the wedding planner tomorrow at eight."

"Aw, thanks, Otogi!" He beamed, almost about to hug the boy but then thought better of it. He took Otogi's hand instead and shook it. "So, it wasn't hard for you to find a good place, was it?"

He thought for a second. "Actually, yeah. I called six other chapels and they all hung up on me once I told them the situation! It was _so _scandalous. But I got it done, the guy sounded really nice on the phone, let's just hope he's that way when we go tomorrow."

"Yeah, let's hope so—" He stopped himself, a huge sigh coming out all on it's own. "_We_?"

"Yes." Otogi zipped over, once again attaching himself to Joey. He shouted, "You and me, together forever! … Oh and your wiener, too."

"My _fiancée_."

"What_ever_."

* * *

**_TBC…_**


	13. IT'S JUST SO SUPER!

Her Sweetness: Hello, hello. I don't have much to say right now… but then again, I never do! … Does anyone notice this?

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Thirteen: IT'S JUST SO SUPER!

It was early the next morning and Tristan awoke on Otogi's living room couch. He thought that was strange at first until he realized that he never went home the night before and instead entertained himself with an _I Love Lucy _marathon that carried on into the wee hours of the morning. The last coherent thought he had was that maybe he should just give in and let Joey marry that damn hotdog.

When he woke up, still in the same spot, he thought this idea over and before he came to a decision, there was a stampeding sound coming from overhead. He turned around, looked to the bottom of the staircase and saw Joey running down, hotdog in hand and Otogi on his back, shouting, "Onward, insolent puppy!"

"Damn, Otogi, stop pulling my ears!" Joey shouted back.

They all went out the door in a confused, ridiculous ball. Tristan, still seated, watched Otogi's car pull away and a few people walking down the street had to dive into the bushes to avoid being hit. The old ladies didn't dive in time and were used as speed bumps.

That's when Tristan shook his head and said to himself: "Nah. That boy's crazy enough _without_ a hotdog as his bride."

Two hours later the doorbell rang.

_Ding Dong…_

When Tristan opened the door he was more than a little surprised to see both Yami and Yugi standing on the porch. The smaller of the two looked much worse than the last time Tristan had seen him, now adorned in slings for both arms, a cast on his left leg and an eye patch. Yami stood behind the hikari with a splint for his thumb.

"Whoa, what happened to you guys?"

"_Yami_ happened, Tristan." Yugi said, glaring at his other half with his good eye. "Can we come in?"

"Uh, sure,"

He moved aside so the cripple could come inside along with Yami who followed timidly, obviously keeping his distance from Yugi. When Yugi was sitting on the couch, his bad leg up on the coffee table, Tristan cleared his throat. "So… did you come to tell me that plan of yours?"

"_First of all_." Yugi said, not looking at Tristan at all but at Yami. "I would like to say, Tristan, that I'm sorry we had to come over and bug you like this. I would've told you the plan over the phone yesterday but there was a little _problem_ that needed dealing with."

Yami groaned suddenly. "Oh, Yugi, I said I was sorry."

"Sorry? _Sorry_? I can't believe you just said sorry to me!" The tiny boy stood up but fell down and Yami busted out laughing. He stopped when Yugi whacked him over the head with his crutch.

"OW!"

"You disserve pain! You and your stupid thumb! Look at me! I should be on my death bed thanks to you! You and your stupid not-knowing-anything-ness!"

Tristan watched as Yugi continued to yell at and whack his yami. He tried to intervene but it seemed hopeless at one point.

"Hey, you guys—"

"Shut up, Tristan!" Yugi growled, sending a quick look of annoyance the brunette's way. He turned back to Yami who was holding his head. "Do you know how much money the renovations at the Game Shop are going to cost? Do you, Yami?"

"N-No, I don't!" He whined.

"Well you're going to find out!"

Whack.

Whack.

Whack.

"Aa-aah! Yugi, please stop!"

Tristan frowned. "Hey, don't stand on the coffee table!"

"Yugi, calm down!"

"Calm down? _Calm down_? I can't believe you just said calm down to me!"

Whack.

Whack.

"Good Ra, make it stop!"

"Get _off_ the damn coffee table!"

.0.0.

A black Mercedes had been cruising through all of Domino for almost the entire morning. Joey was at the wheel now, having taken it away from Otogi who sent three members of the Domino City Crochet Club to an early grave. But the three women were over eighty and Otogi said it wasn't such an early grave. Joey took over anyway. But with the blonde driving, he depended on the raven-haired boy to dish out the directions.

"Damn it, Otogi, we're going in a circle."

"We are not!" Otogi flipped the map around. "This is the right way!"

Joey shook his head. "I've seen this same tree six times already!"

"… You can't identify a tree, _Joseph_."

"I can identify the little boy _sitting_ in it."

Otogi stuck his tongue out finally and sat back in the seat, folding the corners of the map. He glanced at Joey. "You know, you're a real pessimist. Why can't you be more like me, huh?"

"Because I don't want my phone number written all over the bathroom wall at Pizza Hut."

"It's Burger King, thank you very much. Pizza Hut is for sluts."

"Well pardon me."

He huffed and turned his nose up. "You don't have to be so rude to me, Joey. And after all the work, trying to find a place for you and your little wiener, this is the thanks I get?"

There was a pause before Joey sighed, giving in. "Aw, alright, I'm sorry. I'm just on edge, that's all. It's nerve-racking, going to meet some wedding planner that _you_ like. Do you know how scary that is?"

"Are you questioning my taste in men?"

"I'm questioning your taste in sanity, yeah." Joey turned the wheel again, trying to avoid that tree with the boy sitting in it. When he did, Otogi blinked and began to flail around in his seat, latching himself to Joey's head.

Joey, startled and losing control of the car, shouted: "Otogi! Sit down!"

"But that's it, Joey, that's the place right there!" He squealed back, pointing foreword. "I found it!"

"_OTOGI_!"

"_WHEEE_!"

A few circles and a grazing of lampposts here and there before the car ran right into the parking lot of the building that Otogi had raucously pointed out to his car-companion. Though, when they were finally parked and got out of the car, looking back at the street, they saw more than a few drivers pointing at them and shouting obscenities.

"Uhm… Come on, Otogi, let's go inside before they turn into an angry mob," Joey sweatdropped, unbuckling Hot Dog from it's seatbelt in the back seat.

Otogi nodded thoughtfully. "Right… so what makes a mop angry?"

"Mob! Not mop!"

A beat of thought. "Well I don't get it. Come on, Joey, we're late as it is." Otogi turned around then heading for the door of the chapel. Joey groaned and followed, Hot Dog in hand.

Before they actually got inside the place, Joey noticed that it was very nice looking on the outside; white with small, naked angels riding horses. Of course, when Joey commented on this, Otogi got defensive and claimed that none of the angels were as hot as him.

"I wasn't talking about being hot!" Joey frowned.

"Hey, I'm just letting you know."

"Why is everything with you so sexual?"

Otogi winked as they opened the doors into the main room. "You wanna know?"

"… Never mind…"

"Oh! Hello!"

They both stopped their peculiar bantering and looked up from each other, across the finely decorated lobby to a reception desk. Seated there was a normal looking man, a bit too thin and a head of thick blonde hair. His green eyes were hidden behind thick, horn-rimmed glasses that sat too high on his nose. He got up from the desk and met Joey and Otogi half-way in the room.

Before either of them could say anything, the man grabbed Joey's hand and shook it a little too hard. As Joey cringed, the man smiled and sang out: "Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome! Welcome to the SUPER Chapel of Love!"

"U-Um, thank you," Joey finally succeeded in pulling his hand away from the tight grip. He blew on it, trying to rid it of the redness. "I'm Joey Wheeler—"

"Oh! I remember hearing that name yesterday! Now let's see, you must be Otogi Ryuuji, isn't that right?" He smiled at Otogi and took his hand as well but before he had time to damage that one too, Otogi pulled away and smiled.

"I just had a manicure," He flashed his ruby-red nails. "But, yes, I am the infamous Otogi Ryuuji, Domino's personal—"

"Burger King slut." Joey rolled his eyes.

"Jo-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Alright, I'm sorry!"

"Oh my," Their attention was once again brought to the man standing in front of them. "What a lively bunch you are! My name is Charlie Tinkles, I'm the SUPER's owner, planner, receptionist, Justice of the Peace and water boy."

"… _Water_ boy?"

"Hey, I do so much, I need water every now and again," Charlie shrugged.

Joey looked at Otogi and then back at Charlie. "So… let me get this straight, you're the only person who works here?"

"Righty-o, Joe. I built this place about two years ago but it isn't very popular and no one ever applies for a job! Every few months or so, I get a couple who comes here to get married and I am filled with such joy." He smiled, hugging himself. "After all, this chapel is one of a kind, those kinds of couples can't go anywhere else to get legally married!"

Both boys looked at each other, Otogi coughing as he asked: "… What does SUPER stand for?"

"Sexual Usage of Pets Except Reptiles."

"…!" Joey's mouth hung open.

"… Oh," Otogi blinked.

Charlie tiled his head to the side. "Something wrong?"

"N-Nothing… Excuse us for a sec," Joey said before whisking Otogi to another corner of the room where they could talk in private. Though it wasn't so private with Joey shouting at the top of his lungs. "Otogi! You freak, you called a bestiality chapel!"

"How was I supposed to know that's what it was!" He shouted back. "It said nothing of the sort in the ad I read!"

Joey tapped his foot impatiently. "You have the ad with you?"

"Uh… yeah," He dug in his leather pockets and pulled out a ripped out page of the yellow book. Joey took it and read most of it to himself.

"A peaceful place to tie the knot with your furry friend?" Joey squealed, appalled at the sentence. He looked at Otogi. "How could you misinterpret that?"

"Ohhh, I dunno…" Otogi sniffed, wiping at his eyes. "Stop yelling at me…!"

"… Ugh," He shook his head, calming himself down. He looked at the hotdog in his hand. "We're sunk, Hot Dog, we can't get married here!"

"…"

"Why not? Whaddya mean, 'why not'? Because this is a loony bin for people with a fetish for paws and tails!"

"…"

"But—"

"…"

Joey's mouth twisted until it was a jagged line. He stayed like that for a moment before letting out a breath and groaning. "Fine… Whatever you want."

"…"

Joey blushed.

Otogi blinked at the both of them. "So, fill me in."

"W-We're gonna go ahead with this place. It's not like we really have a choice anyway, there aren't many places that we'd have a chance at being accepted."

"GREAT!"

All three of them, Hot Dog included, just about jumped out of their skins at hearing Charlie Tinkles cheering behind them. As they caught their breath, Charlie continued, obviously excited.

"Oh we're going to have so much fun! There's so much to do and so little time! Come on to my Back Room, there are forms to be filled! I have pie! Do you two like pie? It's blueberry! Do you two like blueberries? I have blueberry pie waiting for us, come on, let's go! Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go!"

Joey blinked. "This guy's weird."

"I think he's cool!" Otogi squealed, eyes shut and fists balled.

"You think everything weird is cool,"

"I think _you're_ cool, Joey," He winked and Joey ignored it, following Charlie's path to the back of the lobby and down a hallway into a room labeled _Back Room_. When they entered, the smell of blueberry pies filled their nostrils and Charlie danced over to his desk at the side of the room.

"Pie's over there," He pointed to the refrigerator by the couch.

Joey went right over and began rummaging through the loaded fridge to get to the pie.

"None for me," Otogi sat down in a comfortable seat in front of Charlie's desk, crossing his legs. "I'm on a diet."

"Oh but this blueberry pie isn't fatty at all!" Mr. Tinkles reassured him. "It's actually got ammonia to kill all the cholesterol."

Joey choked.

"Is that so?" Otogi nodded sagely. "Interesting,"

"Now, let's get down to business." Charlie looked up from a stack of papers piled on his desk. "Mr. Wheeler, I assume you're the one getting married, right? Where's your fiancée?"

Joey, after recovering from a wild coughing fit, sat down beside Otogi in the other chair and held up his bandaged, wrinkled hotdog to Charlie. "T-This is Hot Dog."

"Um…" Charlie Tinkles was not sure how to react as he blinked at the thing Joey held. He thought for a moment before saying: "W-Well… it is a piece of meat but it _was_ once a cow or a pig or… something. I suppose it's okay! Just as long as it wasn't made of a reptile." Charlie's voice had a mysterious lilt to it as he said 'reptile'.

"I've got a question," Otogi raised his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Ryuuji?"

"Why won't you let people marry reptiles?"

"BECAUSE!" His voice boomed and, for the third time that day, he scared all three of them.

"O-Okay…" Otogi blinked, scratching his head. "That's fine, then…"

Charlie's face immediately reverted back to a simple smile and he pushed his glasses up higher. Joey's ears perked up as Charlie addressed him: "Now, we'll just need to fill out a few forms, basic information and stuff like that. Your fiancée's maiden name and parents' names and birth date, things like that."

Joey groaned. "_Again_?"

.0.0.

"Now, are we finally going to be still?" Tristan looked at both Yami and Yugi as he said this. He had no idea the two of them could be so much to handle when a problem arose. To solve their argument, Tristan had to take away Yugi's crutch for the time being and he put a large cork in Yami's mouth, preventing him from provoking Yugi's wrath.

Yami nodded mutely.

Yugi sighed. "Sorry Tristan. Okay, I'll get to the reason we came here."

"Great," Tristan smiled and sat back down in his chair.

"Yami's idea… was to simply take Joey's hotdog away. And then when he realizes it's gone, maybe some sense will be knocked into him and he'll forget all about it."

Tristan blinked before nodding, considering the idea. "But he's always got it with him, how would we get it away?"

"When he's sleeping, of course. Tonight for example, do you think you could do it, Tristan?" Yugi lifted his two broken arms. "I'd help but—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Well, I guess I could…" He thought some more. "Hey, wait. With Joey so 'in love' with this thing, wouldn't taking it away cause him to… I dunno, do something crazy? He might try to commit suicide or something."

"Then we'll have to tie him down. Whatever it takes, we have to get through to him before this gets out of hand," Yugi said with determination.

"… You're right, Yugi." Tristan nodded. "Tonight, then, I'll do it!"

Yami nibbled on the cork.

* * *

_**TBC…**_


	14. Dream Lover Come Rescue Me

Her Sweetness: … -yawn-

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Fourteen: Dream Lover Come Rescue Me

"So how many people are attending?"

"Huh?" Joey asked, his eyes weary from looking at all the forms he'd had to fill out. There were close to fifty sheets of information that he alone had to come up with seeing as how Hot Dog had little knowledge of it's parents and Otogi was busy chatting on his cell phone in the next chair.

Charlie reiterated: "How many people will be attending the ceremony? You know that the size of the hall and virtually everything else depends on the size of the party."

Joey thought for a second and then turned to Otogi who continuously gabbed on the phone. "Hey. Hey, Otogi,"

"Yeah, it was _so_ scandalous," the raven-haired boy rolled his eyes into the phone as he switched hands. "I wonder how she's gonna try to cover her butt this time. … No way! Well that's no good, how does she expect to—"

"Otogi!"

"Ugh. Hold on, Sharonda." He turned to the blonde next to him. "_What_?"

"Can you please get off the phone; I need your help here!"

Otogi stopped for a moment and then narrowed his eyes. "Who am I, Mr. Helps A Lot? I'm trying to have a serious conversation over here."

"That's a lie! Besides, you asked to come here!"

"… Oh, fine. Ruin my fun."

"I will."

"Well I hope you do."

"Well I just did."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Suddenly infuriated, Otogi turned back to the cell phone and screamed into it: "Sharonda, I have to go! Bye!" He slammed the lid down and stuffed it into his pocket. "Are you happy now?"

"I'll be happy when you can tell me how many people are coming to the wedding."

A pause. "Um… well, I dunno. Let's see; there's Yami and Yugi, then Malik and Ryou will come if I ask and they'll want to bring their yamis…"

"Wait a minute. Marik and Bakura? I don't think that's such a good idea—"

"And why not? You have to have variety at a party, Joey, that's what spices things up."

"You're enough spice for me, thank you,"

Otogi's green eyes sparkled and he attached himself to Joey. "Aw! That's so sweet of you!"

"…"

After they had gotten the numbers and faces together in their heads, Joey told Charlie that there would probably be anywhere from thirty to forty people but he doubted there would be more. Otogi protested this greatly and said that a wedding should be big and flashy with as many people as possible.

Joey shook his head. "Otogi, we're not doing this to build a reputation, it's just a simple wedding."

"Nothing's simple when I'm involved."

"Yeah, I've noticed." He sighed wearily and turned back to Charlie who had been typing in numbers at his computer.

Charlie adjusted his glasses, pushing them higher upon his nose and then cleared his throat, smiling at the three in front of him. "So, with the number of people coming, I think that Hall Number Three would be your best choice! I am… SO EXCITED! I've never used Hall Number Three before! There's never been a need, you see, because most of the wedding's I've done only had up to two people as guests."

"I can imagine," Joey said, sweatdropping.

Otogi raised his hand. "So what does this Hall Number Three look like? I have to inspect it first. After all, I _am_ Joey's personal—"

"Hey, wait, just what are you about to say?"

"…Why?" Otogi then looked up to Joey, enlarging his eyes. "Don't you trust me?"

"_No_."

"Come on then!" Charlie urged, getting up from behind his desk and opening the door to exit the Back Room. "You can see it for yourself! Yay! Hall Number Three, Hall Number Three, Hall Number Three, Hall Number Three, Hall Number Three!"

He sang as they walked down the corridors of the SUPER building and finally arrived at the other side, towards the back of the structure with two large double doors in front of them. The number 3 was written in silver on the top and Charlie pulled on one of the door handles opening it for them to enter.

As they crossed the threshold into the vast room, both Joey and Otogi's eyes opened. It was all painted in white with a basic tile flooring and at the head of the room was a platform covered in fluffy blue carpet, holding a podium on top.

"Wow… Well this is really nice, Charlie, but… there's no… stuff." Joey commented, looking at the bareness of the room.

Charlie shrugged. "Hey, this is the first time it's being used."

Joey and Otogi nodded. "_Oh_."

"So! We'll need, as you said, some 'stuff'." Suddenly a clipboard and pen appeared out of nowhere and landed into Charlie's hands. While he continued to speak, Joey and Otogi looked around to see where it had come from. "The decorations will be whatever colors you and your fiancée choose. EXCEPT GREEN!" His voice boomed and the boys quivered.

"W-Why not green?" Joey asked.

"THAT IS THE COLOR OF REPTILES!"

There was a pause.

Otogi blinked. "I've seen a blue one,"

"GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Both Joey and Otogi jumped back about ten feet when Charlie's eyes dilated and he started shaking his fists at them, shouting incoherent things. The large chandelier hanging from the ceiling of the room was swinging from side to side and finally Joey shouted out while Otogi hid behind him.

"Alright, alright! No green! O-Or blue!"

"Okeydokey!" Charlie immediately reverted back to his smiley self. "So tell me your desired color!"

Otogi looked at Joey for a second and the blonde look back, both afraid to say something that even hinted at the word 'reptile'. Otogi slowly got out from behind Joey and cleared his throat. "Well, all things considered, I would say silver and metallic red."

"… What?" Joey raised an eyebrow. "That's ridiculous. Can't you be more practical?"

"Well what would you choose then, Joey?"

"… Um… Probably white and purple,"

Otogi suddenly busted out in laughter. "P-Purple and _white_? You've gotta be kidding, those colors are so last millennium! Besides, they have nothing to do with the whole wedding theme!"

"White has everything to do with a wedding! It symbolizes virginity and pure love!"

A pause before a wink from Otogi. "Oh, you're no _virgin_, Joey."

"WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT!"

Charlie looked from one teen to the other. "What's this…?"

"I-It isn't true!" Joey told his wedding planner. "He's just kidding!"

"Oh, Joey!" Otogi shook his head and turned away, feigning hurt. "How cruel! After hours upon hours of passion-filled lovemaking, you try to pretend none of it happened!"

"HUH?"

"What about our child?"

"_WHAT CHILD_?" Joey screeched, now going blue in the face.

Charlie gasped and his green eyes began to dilate as he looked at Joey's blue face. His breathing became labored. "REP… _TTTTTTIIIIIILLLLLLEEEEE_!"

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!"

.0.0.

"Oh, okay. Sure I can. Alright, see you there."

Malik replaced the receiver back on the cradle and turned around, resettling himself in the couch on which he and his yami were sitting.

"Who was that?" Marik asked, not really caring but it was a natural reaction after his hikari talked on the phone.

"Um, Otogi. Which reminds me, I'm going to be gone for most of the day tomorrow."

Suddenly he had Marik's full attention. "You're kidding? You can't go away tomorrow!"

"Why not?"

"What about that jazzercise class you signed me up for? Like hell I'm going alone!"

Malik paused, looking up to the ceiling. "Oh yeah… But, you know, maybe I'll be back by then!" He smiled, knowing that he would not be back in time.

Marik groaned. "Well where are you going anyway?"

"To help Otogi and Ryou ready one of Joey's wedding presents."

"… Joey? Wedding?" Those words took a moment to sink in and, finally, Marik started to laugh. "T-To who?"

"From what Otogi told me… to his… wiener."

"…" A bit of silence followed before Marik shook his head. "Heh. And they call _you_ narcissistic."

"Yeah…"

.0.0.

It was a long day but after many trials and tribulations—all, for some reason, involving reptiles—Joey, Hot Dog and Otogi returned to the latter's home for some down time. Seeing as it was already around nine o' clock when they arrived, Joey decided to go to bed a bit early and found a little surprise in his room when he entered.

"Otogi, get out of my bed," Joey grumbled, his left eye twitching.

The raven-haired boy shook his head. "I live here; you can't kick me out."

"B-But I'm going to go to sleep!"

"Oh, really? You gonna sleep standing up or what?" Otogi grinned and then patted the spot in the bed next to him. "Come on," He said teasingly. "You know you wanna…"

"No, I do not _wanna_!"

Still, Otogi stayed firm. "You know, the longer you argue, the less sleep you're going to get."

"… But—"

"Nope."

"… Ugh! Fine, have it your way!" Joey continued to mutter curses under his breath as he made his way across the cream-colored carpet and slid between the sheets, placing Hot Dog on the pillow next to him. He sighed. "Good-night, Hot Dog,"

"…"

Otogi frowned and cleared his throat.

Joey rolled his eyes. "Good-night, you slut,"

"And a good-night to you, too, my pimp."

"…!"

A while after each of them was fast asleep, in the middle of the night, a single noise in the house was heard. Though not by the three sleeping persons in Joey's room but by the person who had made said noise. He silently swore at himself for being so clumsy and hoped that Joey hadn't heard him.

As it so happens, it was Tristan who was slithering around in the dark house, going up the stairs on his tip-toes and hiding in the shadows whenever he heard a creak or the whistling of the wind in the curtains.

'Now, let's see…' he thought to himself as he reached Joey's bedroom door and gently pushed it open, letting it swing to a halt. After scrutinizing the darkness, trying to adjust his eyes, he finally found a bush of gold, which he recognized as Joey's blonde hair. 'Alright,' he told himself. 'I just sneak in there and get it. Joey's a real heavy sleeper, so it'll be no problem.'

So, abandoning his watch spot at the door, he crawled into the room on all fours and immerged on Hot Dog's side of the bed. He carefully reached his hand up and felt around, getting a bit annoyed because he couldn't reach it. But, finally feeling it in his hand, he yanked on it, ready to fly out of the room and down to the garbage can. He never expected to hear:

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Immediately the lights were flipped on and a bright glow was emitted from the table lamp. Otogi's head popped up and he looked at Joey. "What is it?"

"S-Something's grabbed me!"

"… Huh?"

They both looked at each other and then their eyes descended to Joey's boxer shorts and found that his private property was being grasped by a hand. Their eyes moved to the side, finding a guilty looking Tristan attached to the hand.

"Oh my God! Tristan, you pervert!" Joey shouted, smacking the hand away.

Otogi gasped. "Tristan, I cannot believe this!"

"N-No, wait a minute," Tristan sweatdropped, hiding the offending hand behind his back. "Really, I know this _looks_ bad, but I didn't mean to touch you, Joey!"

Joey tilted his hand, the traces of his disgusted expression still lingering. "Then what _were_ you up to?"

"Uh… I was… um, I was… trying to feel your pulse?"

"…"

"Well I don't believe that for one second!" Otogi turned his head away, his arms folded over his nightgown. "Tristan, you know what you were doing! You're so unfaithful!"

"I wasn't doing anything! And look who's talking! _You're_ sleeping in Joey's bed!"

"Joey and I are very close!"

"We are not," Joey slipped that tidbit of information in before anything else could be said.

Otogi waved the comment away. "Oh, Joey's just shy,"

"No, _Joey_ is not shy!" Joey countered, referring to himself in third-person once again. "_Joey_ is just tired of Otogi thinking that _Joey_ likes him when it is a known fact that _Joey_ is getting married to Otogi! … I mean Hot Dog!"

"HA! You said it! You want to marry me!"

"No I don't, that was a slip of the tongue!"

"Too late! I already accept! I do, I do, I do!" Otogi finished by jumping on top of Joey, resulting in throwing both of them off the bed and onto of Tristan who now had the biggest headache.

.0.0.

The next morning, everyone in Otogi's house was rather tired. None of them had gotten to sleep until around two in the morning and even then, Otogi and Joey's sleep was riddled with disturbing images, wondering what Tristan was doing to Joey. And Joey never did stop complaining about the soreness. Otogi offered a massage, but Joey soundly declined.

Presently, Joey and Hot Dog were in the living room, Hot Dog sitting on a couch cushion beside Joey who was eating a bowl of Cheerios and watching the news.

"No," He said, speaking idly to his fiancée. "I really don't care about world events. I'm just watching to see who won the game last night,"

"…"

"Not really,"

"…"

"… Iraq? What's that?"

"…"

Suddenly, something on the television caught Joey's eye and he turned forward, almost jumping up when he saw his own face in the upper right-hand corner of the screen. He turned up the volume and shouted throughout the house: "Otogi! Tristan! I'm on TV!"

Otogi was the first one to come stampeding down the stairs and Tristan soon followed.

"_Hello, and I'm Marsha Mitsubishi with Channel 8 News; all news, all the time. I am currently in Domino's Lower East Side, a common neighborhood with common people… Or so we thought. As it turns out, this district is home to Joey Wheeler, the Hotdog Maniac."_

Everyone's eyes went wide.

_Marsha continued, walking down a familiar street, the camera following her every move. "It is here that the Hotdog Maniac has taken refuge with local resident Otogi Ryuuji and a frequent visitor, Tristan Taylor. Proof of this abominable obsession with meat byproducts is provided by West Siders who wish to remain anonymous."_

_Suddenly the screen was taken up by a blackened figure with a deep, obviously computerized, voice. _

"_Well," it began, "It wasn't more than a week ago that the Hotdog Maniac stepped into my restaurant and demanded that one of my waiters take the order of his hotdog! A hotdog! I tries to get him to reconsider, but he was as mad as a dog! Not only was it a ludicrous request but we lost most of our business as well due to his ranting and raving and… and hotdog-mongering! Now I can't send my daughter to college! Thanks a lot, Joey Wheeler!"_

_Marsha came back on screen. "A truly heart-wrenching story. And now, the station has just received actual pictures of actually real events actually involving Joey Wheeler and his hotdog. Actually."_

_A photo popped up of Tristan, Joey and a hotdog walking into a West Side movie theater. _

_Another of Otogi and Joey walking into a West Side café._

_It finally came to the last one, a photograph of Joey and a bandaged piece of meat curled up in bed together._

_Marsha appeared once again. "Currently, Joey Wheeler and his hotdog are planning to marry at the SUPER Chapel of Love in the Lower West Side. An update on this story later on. This has been Marsha Mitsubishi. All news, all the time."_

Joey turned off the television.

There was a long silence.

* * *

**_TBC…_**


	15. Insert Cool Chapter Name Here

Her Sweetness: Chapter's out. I swear I could not think straight while writing this. My mind was like this giant cloud, devoid of thought. Oh well.

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Fifteen: Insert Cool Chapter Name Here

"Well _that_ was scandalous," Otogi, being the first one to speak since the television was turned off, observed in the quiet. He looked down at Joey who sat with his legs crossed, his mouth hanging open.

A few more seconds of silence before Joey's head dropped into his hands and he groaned. "Oh my God! I can't believe what I just saw! How could they put that kinda stuff on the news?"

"I'll say," Otogi nodded sagely. "Your hair was a mess in that picture Joey. And your shoes didn't match, either; something like that really will shame your mother."

"…" The blonde looked up, his brown eyes twitching like crazy.

"Well, I think there's a lesson to be learned from this," Tristan said finally, folding his arms across his chest. He had been standing next to Otogi behind the couch but was now walking around the front to stand in between Joey, Hot Dog and the television. He turned to the distraught blonde. "It's obvious that Domino, no matter how crazy it may seem, has some sense left. Everyone thinks this is ridiculous, so give it up, Joey."

"H-How could you say that, Tristan?"

"With my mouth."

"_I_ have a mouth," Otogi reminded everyone, none too subtly.

Joey ignored him. "I wish you'd lay off, Tristan. This has nothing to do with you anymore, I know you're against this but Hot Dog and I are in love and we're going through with this,"

"But Joey!" Tristan shouted, his voice exasperated. He twisted his mouth at the wiener sitting next to his ex-best friend. "That is a freaking piece of meat! It's not alive, it cannot talk; _you_ need help!"

"Maybe the only reason Hot Dog doesn't talk to you is because you're a mean fart,"

"It's not alive! It's never been alive!"

There was a pause. "I'm not listening to you, Tristan," Joey said and turned sideways.

"Dammit, Joey, listen to me!"

"La la la! I'm not listening!" Joey shouted, one of his hands blocking his left ear and his right ear had Hot Dog rammed in it, blocking out Tristan's demands. Joey continued to sing: "La la la la! Not listening! La la!"

"JOEY!"

"LA LA LA!"

Meanwhile, Otogi was standing there still, his hands on his hips in an objecting pose. A pout was securely fastened to his face and his green eyes glittered with jealousy as the other two boys raged on with their argument. He'd been long overdue for some attention and he was tired of waiting for it.

"Well, not that anyone cares but I'm going out for a while!" Otogi shouted over both Joey's and Tristan's wails of malcontent. When neither of them even spared Otogi an acknowledging glance, he balled his fists and stomped away, towards the front door.

"Fine!" He huffed. "If no one wants to know where I'm going, I'll just leave and not tell anyone! And I may not be back for hours!"

"YOU GOTTA GET RID OF THAT HOTDOG!"

"SHUT UP, TRISTAN, I WON'T DO IT!"

Otogi's face reddened. "Days, even!"

"FINE THEN, I'LL DO IT!"

"YOU BETTER NOT! TRISTAN! GIVE IT BACK!"

Tired of waiting, Otogi grumbled under his breath and turned the doorknob, ready to go out and meet Ryou and Malik to ready a wedding present for Joey. Unfortunately for Otogi, as he opened the door to his home, he was bombarded with all different kinds of shouting, more than what he was receiving in the house.

Tons of people were outside the home, all on the lawn and in the street, news vans surrounding the sidewalk and men and women with picket-signs walking around on the street were near by. The different signs were colorful and some of the words were rather depressing.

'_Down with meat molesters!'_

'_Wieners are for eating and not THAT kind!'_

'_The Hotdog Maniac is corrupting our schools and wienerfying our government.'_

'_I like eggs.'_

It's true that some of the picket signs had nothing to do with the cause and those who were deeply involved in a relationship with eggs were removed from the vicinity.

As soon as the door was fully opened and Otogi was seen standing in all his gay-glory in the threshold, the press flocked to him, causing him to take a step back out of shock. A woman with short black hair got to Otogi first, beating the other news reporters to death with an unwrapped deli meat which she pulled out of her pants.

She came up to Otogi, panting hard and stuffing the meat back into her pants. A microphone was shoved into his face as she nearly shouted: "Are you Otogi Ryuuji?"

"Um, yes. Yes, I am," He nodded, looking around once more. "What are you people doing in front of my house? You're messing up my lawn!"

"Quickly, tell Domino what is it like in your home since the Hotdog Maniac moved in! Is it true that you and he and the hotdog have private time with a can of whipped cream?"

There was a pause.

"_No_, I don't do that!"

"Then can you tell us if the Hotdog Maniac is truly radioactive and has a mechanical man-part?"

"… Well, I honestly wouldn't know," Otogi said, leaning against the frame of the door and mumbled: "He hasn't let me look…"

"Hey, Otogi, who are you talking to?"

Instantly, at hearing that familiar voice, Otogi and the newswoman and the rest of the street turned to see Joey standing beside Otogi, Hot Dog currently duct tapped to his head.

When he had seen all the signs, he turned to the woman who had been questioning Otogi and said, eyebrow raised: "Hey, what's up with all those signs? Are you that Marsha Mitsubishi I saw on TV?"

The woman blinked and nodded.

"Well let me tell ya something! I am not a Hotdog Maniac and I'm not doing anything wrong so why don't you all take a hike?"

The entire street was quiet. The protestors had stopped protesting and all the other news crews had stopped broadcasting. Everyone starred at Joey who was now feeling a little uncomfortable with all the eyes on him. Otogi yawned and walked off the porch, across the law and headed for the driveway.

On his way, another newswoman caught his eye and he slid over next to her, smiling at the camera the other man held. Otogi grabbed the microphone from her and shouted into the camera: "Hello, this is Otogi Ryuuji! I'm a hot little thing who loves to go barhopping! I'm lonely so if any single guys out there wanna give me a call, the number is 555-EASY! That's 555-EASY—"

The woman he'd shooed away knocked the microphone out of his hand and huffed. "What a sicko…"

Joey, meanwhile, was currently being harassed by the media. Everything had started up again and with no Otogi in front of him, Joey was live bait. He tried to close the door on Marsha and the other reporters but they were persistent.

"M-Mr. Wheeler!" Marsha shouted, trying to push the door open. "Is it true that your hotdog's relatives will be attending the wedding?"

"Grr! I'm not answering questions right now!" He pushed harder against the door.

Another question was thrown. "Hotdog Maniac! Do you have any premonitions for your wedding night?"

"Good-BYE!" Joey shouted and finally won the battle, shoving all his weight against the door, closing and locking it. Though the pounding on the door persisted, Joey was relieved and was positive that they would go away sooner or later.

Tristan, coming up from behind the couch, went to the window and saw Otogi's car pulling out of the driveway, simultaneously running over a few newsmen. When Otogi seemed to realize what he had done, he got out of the car and picked up the best looking anchorman and threw him in the trunk before continuing down the road.

"So… where's he going again?" Tristan asked.

Joey shrugged. "Only Otogi would know,"

.0.0.

All throughout Upper Domino, there was a raucous laughter echoing through the streets. Everyone looked up in annoyance, all knowing who it must've been. All the glares and disapproving looks were aimed at the Kaiba mansion. Inside the large manor, the chuckles were coming from the second floor, Seto Kaiba's at-home office.

Presently, Kaiba's computer was being ignored, the CEO's attention focused on the television set across the room. The station was turned to Channel 8 News, Marsha Mitsubishi covering the latest news in Domino: the Hotdog Maniac scandal. There was a complete mess outside the home of Otogi Ryuuji where the Hotdog Maniac was being harassed by all the news crews and concerned citizens in the city.

Kaiba had been watching it for hours, and not yet had he tired of seeing what had become of Joey Wheeler.

Suddenly there was a knock on his office door. A voice from the other side said: "Big brother! Can I come in?"

"Ugh…" Kaiba's eyes shifted from the television set to the door. "Fine, Mokuba,"

The door burst open and a ball of black hair came shuffling inside, immediately making it's way to Kaiba's desk. When the tufts of hair lifted, Mokuba's face was seen looking up at his elder brother.

Kaiba blinked. "… Mokuba, you need a haircut,"

"No thanks,"

"You look like a girl,"

"Maybe I like it."

"…"

"Anyway, Seto," Mokuba said, eyes flickering to the TV. He pointed outside. "Can you keep your laughing down a bit? We're getting complaints from the neighbors… again."

Kaiba glared at him and then sighed. "Yeah fine,"

"Good. What's so funny anyway? I haven't heard you laugh so much since that time you saw Gozaburo naked."

"Oh, it's nothing, Mokuba. I've just been watching the news… it turns out, Wheeler's getting married."

Mokuba raised an eyebrow and then sighed, patting Kaiba's hand sympathetically. "Oh, I'm so sorry, big brother. I know you must be distraught. Don't worry, there will be other puppies,"

There was a pause. "J-Just what are you talking about?" Kaiba shrieked.

"Um. Well. I know you like—"

"No I do not!"

The younger of the two looked worried at his brother's high-pitched tone. He tired to calm him down. "O-Okay, Seto. No need to get all worked up about it. But look, I have something for you. The mail came early." He reached back into his pocket and produced a letter a little large than Mokuba's hand. It was a light pink and smelled strongly of expensive perfume.

Kaiba took it and unsealed it, taking the note out and reading it:

_Dear Seto and Mokuba Kaiba, _

_You have been cordially invited to the wedding of Joey Wheeler and Hot Dog to be held on August 10th, 2006 at the SUPER Chapel of Love, 10 a.m. sharp._

_The address is as follows: _

_1167 Humdinger Ave. _

_West Side, Domino 33616_

_Please dress in something sexy. Or nothing at all. If you have any questions, call at this number:_

_555-EASY_

_Thank you._

_Otogi Ryuuji, Domino's Personal Love Guru and Joey Wheeler's Lover._

There was another long pause.

"Wow, Seto," Mokuba said in awe. "I've never been to a wedding before. This is exciting! What are you gonna wear, Seto?"

"… Probably a bowtie,"

"… And that's it…?"

"…"

.0.0.

A little while after Otogi left the house and nothing else too exciting happened, all the news crews left as well. The protestors lingers for a while but eventually left, too, though they left a large amount of dead fish on the doorstep with attached threatening notes.

Joey went upstairs to take a nap and Tristan was able to get some privacy down stairs with the phone.

_Ring Ring Ring…_

"Hello?"

Tristan sighed. "Yami, get Yugi on the phone, please,"

"Why? I'm not good enough?"

"_No_!"

There was a pause and then shuffles and the faint sound of sobs. Finally, Yugi was on the other line. "Tristan? What'd you say to Yami? He's crying."

"…"

"Tristan?"

"He's such a baby. Anyway, Yugi, the idea failed. I couldn't kidnap the hotdog, Joey woke up and I found out that Otogi was in the bed too. After that, Joey wouldn't go to sleep again. Then we had a fight this morning."

"Sounds… weird. I guess you guess saw the news, then?"

"Oh yeah,"

Yugi nodded into the receiver. "And also… I got the invitation to go to the wedding. I, um, I think Otogi was the one to type these up. Anyway, me and Yami also got personal invites to be the best men for Joey."

"Don't tell me you're actually going to!"

"Well, I don't have much of a choice." He sighed. "And Joey _is_ my best friend. If this is what he wants then there's nothing I can do about it,"

"Agh!" Tristan squealed, shaking the phone. "You've crossed over to the dark side!"

"You've gotta admit, the light side is getting a little small,"

"Yugi, that's not the point!"

Tristan slammed the phone down and sulked on the couch, thinking about his last resort.

.0.0.

_Beep, Beep!_

"Okay, okay; I'm coming!"

Otogi looked out of the window on the other side of the front seat, watching as Ryou came bouncing out of his house and came down the driveway, opening the door to the backseat and sliding in. Once Ryou shut the door and Otogi started the car again, Ryou noticed Malik sitting in the front seat.

"Hey, Malik! I didn't know Otogi had already picked you up,"

Malik shrugged, looking back at the albino teen behind him. "Well, I was already waiting on my lawn, so Otogi swung by and picked me up first."

"Oh… Why were you on the lawn?"

A pause. "Marik threw me out of the window,"

"Again?" Ryou's eyes widened.

"Yeah. He didn't like the jazzercise outfit I bought him."

"You mean the one with the cat ears?"

"Uh-huh,"

"Well he has bad taste! Those were adorable!"

Otogi turned around to look at both of them. "Alright, alright. Settle down, you two. We've got important business to attend to!"

"Important?" They asked in unison.

"That's right. Joey's wedding present. I can't do it by myself so I called the two most creative people I know. Second only to me." Otogi nodded solemnly.

Ryou smiled. "Aw!"

"By the way…" the raven-haired teen continued. "Did you two get your invitations, yet?"

"Sure did,"

"Great. But I forgot to add in another note. See, Yami and Yugi are going to be the best men for Joey. But that wiener of Joey's doesn't have any bride's maids. And since you two would look absolutely _fabulous _in what _I've_ got planned, I was wondering if you two wouldn't mind…?"

"Being the bride's maids? Us?" Both Malik and Ryou asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yep."

They looked at each other for a moment before nodding. "Okay,"

"Wonderful!"

"Um… Hey, Otogi?"

"Yes?"

"… Shouldn't you be… watching the road?"

There was a moment of silence.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

**_TBC…_**


	16. Malchik Gey

Her Sweetness: The title of this chapter is Russian for Gay Boy. :D

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Sixteen: Malchik Gey

The next morning, the East Side was once again in an uproar of protestors and cameramen and such. Everyone had left the day before and Joey and Tristan had thought that was the worst of it only to wake up to a whole new sea of people stationed on Otogi's front lawn. They decided that if they ignored it all, they would go away but it wasn't until the phone rang that Joey started to panic.

_Ring, Ring, Ring!_

"I'll get it," Joey called throughout the house, not sure where Tristan was at the moment. He came to the coffee table in the living room and picked the receiver off the cradle. "Hello?"

"Greetings, greetings, greetings, greetings, greetings, greetings, greetings, greetings!" came a voice too cheery for morning.

Joey sighed. "Hi, Charlie."

"Hello, Joey! I was wondering when you and your lover, Otogi—"

"N-Now hold on just a minute! Otogi is not my lover!"

"Really? But he printed that on the wedding invitations that we sent out."

"…" Joey's mouth hung open.

Charlie resumed the conversation after a moment of silence. "Oh well. I just called to make sure you and Mr. Ryuuji had already gone to get your tuxedo for the event. After all, it is tomorrow."

Another moment of silence.

Joey croaked out: "T-Tomorrow?"

"Why yes. … What, you didn't know? Didn't he tell you?"

"I had no idea the wedding was tomorrow! How did I not know? How does the groom not know something like this? I don't have a tux! I don't have an Otogi! I don't have a mind right now! This is insane!"

"Oh, please calm down, Mr. Wheeler," Charlie said in his most reassuring voice. "I promise, you have nothing to worry about. Mr. Ryuuji and I did most of the work concerning caterers and whatnot. It'll be fine! All you have to do is show up. With a tux."

"… Ugh," Joey sighed into the phone and thought: 'But I haven't seen Otogi all morning. Come to think of it, he wasn't even in my bed last night… Oh, hey! What am I thinking? That's a good thing!'

"Mr. Wheeler?"

"Uh… Yeah, okay, Charlie. I'll get a tux. See ya tomorrow."

"Okay! See ya, see ya, see ya, see ya, see ya—"

Joey hung up.

Only a moment of silence passed before the Hamtaro theme song filled the room. Joey reached into his back pocket and flipped open his cell phone.

"Hello?"

"Hello, my love."

"Otogi, where are you? Charlie just called! You didn't tell me the wedding was tomorrow! Why didn't you tell me? Why?" He was screeching now. "And I don't have a tuxedo! And… and…!"

"Jeez. Don't have a kitten, Joey." Otogi shifted his cell phone from one ear to the other. "I'm coming over to the house to pick you up right now."

"… Huh? B-But you can't, there's tons of newscasters outside; if you come out of your car, they'll ask you more stupid questions."

"Duh, Joey. Contrary to popular belief, I am not an idiot. Just grab your wiener and go to the hallway window upstairs."

"But—"

"Chow."

The phone line went dead and Joey put the phone back in his pocket. He sighed and, thinking that nothing could possibly get worse, headed upstairs to get Hot Dog off of their bed. Once in the upstairs hallway, Joey headed for their bedroom—their, being himself, Otogi and Hot Dog. Actually, his bed was turning into a boarding house, he observed—and before he entered, he saw the tail of a brown coat go swishing into the bathroom across the hall.

Joey blinked and walked cautiously that way, peeking into the linoleum-covered room only to see Tristan with Hot Dog in hand, standing over the toilet.

"Hey!" Joey shouted, coming into full view.

Tristan paused, holding the meat right over the porcelain bowl. He blinked stupidly and looked from Joey to the wiener. "Um… I…"

"Put Hot Dog down! … On the floor!" He commanded, brown eyes narrowed.

"… Sorry, dude, but I can't do that," Tristan said, turning back to the toilet. "This isn't just for your own good but mine as well! I can't continue to be known as the Hotdog Maniac's best friend!"

"You'll be the Hotdog Maniac's _ex_-best friend if you don't put Hot Dog down!"

When it seemed that the brunette was about to drop the meat, Joey lunged for it and grabbed it before the wiener hit the toilet bowl. He turned on his heel and ran for it, down the hallway well aware of the fact that Tristan was in fast pursuit.

"Come back here, Joey!"

"No!"

Tristan rolled his eyes, asking himself if he honestly expected Joey to turn around and surrender his fiancée without a fight or flail. He was, however surprised to see Joey stop at the window down the hall, staring out of it. Wondering what he was doing, Tristan tip-toed up behind him, gasping loudly when he saw Otogi's car driving recklessly down the street and ramming into news vans on the front lawn.

Otogi mowed over a fair amount of newscasters on his way to the front of the house. The sunroof on the top of the car was rolled down and the raven-haired teen shouted up at the window. "Joey! Hurry it up!"

Joey blinked and looked at Tristan, simultaneously touching the glass window.

Tristan's eyes widened. "Y-You can't be serious…"

"See ya, Tristan!"

"_JOEY_!"

Without a second thought, he kicked the glass and it all shattered as he jumped out of the shard-lined gap.

The protestors below who hadn't been killed watched in awe as Joey came plummeting down, hitting the roof of Otogi's car. At first, he appeared dead but then began to move, weakly flopping into the sunroof opening. The sunroof closed and the car started again. Everyone scattered, fearing for their lives.

.0.0.

"See, Joey? And you doubted me," Otogi smirked happily, sending a glance to the slumped over teen in the passenger's seat.

Joey coughed, looking up agitatedly and held his stomach with the hand that was not holding Hot Dog. "S-See what? I could've been killed jumping like that! You and your ideas, Otogi."

They were both soon cruising through Central Domino, going up and down streets with the radio blaring disgusting music that Joey was ashamed to be listening to. People on the sidewalks watched the Mercedes go by and Joey ducked down, not wanting to be widely associated with Otogi or this song.

"So where were you this morning? And last night?" Joey asked, scrunched up in the corner of his seat.

"Taking care of wedding business! You have no idea how hard it is to be me. Smart, sweet and an ample amount of sex-appeal! Everyone wants something from me! I had to help Charlie and the caterers decide on a menu after I spent a little time with Ryou and Malik. Then we went to a bridal boutique to get Malik and Ryou's dresses! Then I got into a fight with the saleswoman there! Honestly! Malik is an autumn, not a spring! What an idiot."

Joey blinked. "D… Dresses?"

"They are bride's maids, after all," Otogi nodded solemnly.

"…"

"And now this. I haven't slept in twenty-four hours!"

"Where're we going?"

"To get your tuxedo, of course."

Joey refrained from asking any more questions until they arrived at their destination. The car pulled up in a parking lot of a small building with light-up silver letters over the threshold, forming the words: _Gorgeous Groom Garb_.

Otogi jumped out of the car and pointed to the structure once Joey was out as well. He shouted, "My love! Welcome to G3! This is like the best groom boutique in Domino, I swear it! They've got all the hottest styles and colors and after we pick the suit, we can go in the back and shop for ACCESSORIES!"

"Um, Otogi, I think we should keep it simple," Joey said, ignoring the teen's bubbly attitude as they opened the front door. "I really don't have much money for anything fancy."

"Don't worry, doll. I've got Tristan's mom's credit card!" Otogi winked, holding up a small gold card.

"… Otogi, that's terrible."

"You mean _scandalous_!" He cheered.

"… Okay."

As soon as they were inside, Otogi flew from beside Joey over to the counter and a girl in uniform standing behind it. When the girl saw him, she squealed and they began hugging madly. Joey was more than a bit confused but it was all cleared up in a second… kinda.

"Joey, love," Otogi turned to the blonde and pointed to the girl he had his arm around. "This is Sharonda, she works here! Isn't that just too delish? She's gonna help us out today."

She swished her ponytail out of her eyes, waving her long fingernails at Joey. "Hey there, hot stuff. 'Togi told me all about you."

Joey's eyes narrowed at the male teen. "Oh really?"

"Yep. Like how you're into licking cherries and hot fudge off of—"

Otogi planted his hand over her mouth, smiling at Joey sweetly. "Well that's enough of that. Let's get down to business!"

"… Something about this bugs me but oh well…" Joey mumbled and followed the two into another section of the store, through another doorway. "Now you just sit right here, Joey," Otogi said, pushing Joey into a nearby seat.

"And we'll be right back," Sharonda smiled, giving a thumbs-up sign.

"B-But shouldn't I—"

"Toodles," they said in unison.

And with that fruity good-bye, the two went frolicking among the different racks and cases and Joey heard them discussing colors. At one point, the talk of Joey being a summer stopped and whispers began, and every once in a while, both Sharonda and Otogi would look at him over their shoulders and giggle insanely.

Joey soon got tired of this and looked at the wiener in his hand. "Hot Dog, what do you think they're doing over there? How long does it take to pick out a simple tuxedo?"

"…"

"Well I figured that."

"…"

"Um… N-No, I didn't."

"…"

"Should I ask?"

"…"

Suddenly, as if right on cue, Otogi came bopping over and waved his hands wildly in Joey's face. "Okay, Joey! We have a few choice outfits we'd like you to go change into."

"Oh, hey Otogi? Can I ask how you know my measurements?"

Otogi blinked and then smiled. "Oh, I did it while you were sleeping. Your torso was easy enough to get to but then I had to measure your pants. Poor little me, having to feel all around your waist and then from the tip-top of your thigh to your ankle. I actually messed up when you were wearing your pajamas. They got in the way! So I stripped you down and did it again."

Joey's mouth hung open.

"So, anyway, let's hustle! We don't have all day!"

Somehow the blonde found his voice. He stood up shakily from his seat and shouted: "Otogi, how could you!"

"How could I be so adorable? I often wonder that myself," He said whilst dragging Joey by the arm into one of the dressing rooms in the back. Right before shoving him inside, he winked and said: "Now while you're in there undressing yourself, you can think about that too."

Joey blinked when the door was shut. He turned around and was face to face with himself reflected in mirrors. He looked over by the side and saw piles of tuxedos, all different colors and styles.

He heaved a sigh. "Oh jeez."

.0.0.

"Are you done yet?" Sharonda called out, tapping her foot impatiently. She turned to Otogi who stood beside her. "'Togi, he's taking forever. What do you think he's doing in there?"

Otogi began to giggle insanely.

Sharonda tilted her head and then realization came over her and she, too, was overcome with laughter. "Oh my God, Otogi, you perv!"

"H-Hey!" came a distraught cry from inside the stall. Joey sounded anxious. "Um, sorry I'm taking so long but I've never put one on before… Where does this frilly part go?"

"Hang on, baby, I'll save you!" Otogi yelled before launching himself into the dressing room.

"HEY!"

"Ooh! Joey, you're a mess; you have the pants on backwards!"

"GET OUT OF HERE!"

"We'll just have to take these off."

"STOP THAT!"

"Don't be so shy. Now, this part goes _here_ and—"

"YOUR HAND IS NOT PART OF THE SUIT!"

.0.0.

After the tedious and _loud_ trial of getting Joey dressed and finding a tux that all three agreed on, they paid for it—with Tristan's mom's life savings—and left G3, right after Otogi gave her a huge hug.

They were back on the road again, the sleek car racing over the cobblestones that glowed in the light of dusk. Joey was more than a little embarrassed of what Otogi had done in the dressing stall and he kept his head turned to the window as his raven-haired companion continued to drive.

Otogi glanced at him. "Joey, are you angry with me?"

"Yes."

"You're cute when you're angry."

"Argh! See that! That's what I'm talking about! You're always flirting with me and I'm about to be married and I have no intention of cheating on Hot Dog! Especially when my fiancée is in the CAR!"

"Aw. There, there," He leaned over and patted Joey's blonde hair.

Suddenly the song _I'm A Barbie Girl_ began to play. Otogi reached into his tight leather pocket and flipped open his cell phone. "Talk to me."

Joey strained to listen but couldn't make out who it was on the other line or what they were saying. Otogi sounded more than a bit perturbed; he tried to whisper, Joey could tell, but he was almost shouting.

"No, I'm bringing it. … In the trunk. … What! No way! We're on our way _now_, you can't be se—… Oh. … Alright. … 'Kay, chow, dolls!" Otogi flipped the phone over and put it on the dashboard.

Joey blinked. "What was that about?"

"Your bachelor party."

"Oh."

"…"

"… My _what_?"

* * *

**_TBC…_**


	17. Dizzy Up The Boy

Her Sweetness: Alright, listen up. Let the record show that I, Her Sweetness, am not (nor have I ever been) a bachelor! I'm going to do my best and if it sounds wrong or a little fruity, OH WELL!

Please enjoy. :D

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Seventeen: Dizzy Up The Boy

"Otogi, I don't remember asking for a bachelor party!"

"So you've got a bad memory," Otogi shrugged, turning the steering wheel at the same time. "I'm not going to hold that against you."

Joey's eye twitched and he wondered if a bachelor party was even worth putting up a fight over. True, he'd never been to one but he considered the idea that it may not be much different than a simple birthday party. He sighed and was quiet the rest of the ride through the East Side.

It was not ten minutes later when they were close to Otogi's street. Joey recognized it without looking up due to the loud, passionate screams of the street's promiscuous octogenarians. The car pulled into the driveway of the house at the end of the street. Joey finally looked up when Otogi's door opened and the teen exited.

He opened his door as well and followed the raven-haired boy up the lawn. When they reached the front door, Joey's left eyebrow raised all on it's own. The front door was wide open and there was a velvet rope that had been placed around the walk up to the porch. People were filing inside after speaking to two playboy bunnies in full costume who seemed rather familiar to the blonde.

Joey blinked. "Malik? Ryou? W-What are you _doing_?" His voice went up three octaves in that sentence.

"Please enjoy Joey's Bachelor Party," Ryou smiled sweetly at a man right after he had given him a five dollar bill and entered the house. Ryou turned to Joey, still smiling. "Oh, hallo, Joey! I'm so happy for you; you must be so excited."

"Well, excited's not really the word—"

"Everything looks great, you guys!" Otogi interrupted after examining the inside of the house where strobe lights attached to the ceiling. Men of all ages were inside, percolating and wiggling against each other wildly. Obscene games were being played in the back such as Bobbing for Condoms and Pin the Tail on the Sex Slave. Otogi nodded his approval and shooed Joey inside against his will.

Malik pointed to the black Mercedes in the driveway. "I'll go get it; you said it was in the trunk, right?"

"That's right," Otogi said as Malik went off and left him and Ryou at the door. Otogi turned to the albino in the pink bunny suit. "How much money have we made?"

"Hmm… Close to a hundred dollars. I did what you told me and charged the men according to how rich they looked but most of them had a bald spot and a beer gut. I didn't want to make their lives any worse than they already were," Ryou said sympathetically.

Otogi put his hands on his hips. "Oh phooey. Ryou, you're too nice! Who cares if their lives go to pop? We're here to make sure that Joey's party is well paid for!"

"But—"

"No. Here, shoo. I'll show you how it's done." Otogi waved Ryou out of the way and stood at the doorway, awaiting the next person.

A tall brunette in a flashy white trench coat came up to the door with a black ball of fur holding his hand.

Otogi whispered to Ryou, "Look, it's Kaiba! He's loaded."

Ryou nodded.

As said teen approached, Otogi readjusted his pantyhose and smirked at Kaiba. "Hey there, _Kaiba_. You're here for the party, right? A hundred grand per person, you know." Otogi winked, laying it on thick. "I'm letting you get in cheaper than some of the other guys, 'cause you're _special_ to me."

"Yeah, that's great, Otogi," Kaiba kept his eyes focused on his younger brother. "Listen, do you have some kind of daycare I can put Mokuba in?"

The ball looked up. "I'm not an animal; you can't just put me somewhere and expect me to be happy with your decision, Seto!"

A pause.

Kaiba reached down and patted Mokuba's head, to which said boy attempted to bite him.

"Well," Otogi began, "I guess that wouldn't be a problem… Ryou will show you to the daycare room upstairs then."

Ryou stopped and then took Mokuba's other hand, leading him into the house. As they passed the partiers, Mokuba asked to play Pin the Tail on the Sex Slave but Ryou politely ushered him away from the game and up the stairs. When they entered the hallway, Ryou opened the last door on the left.

On the other side of the room was a wooden chair, in which sat Tristan, tied securely to it with feet upon feet of rope. His mouth was stuffed with something and a sock was tied around it to prevent him from screaming.

Mokuba's jaw dropped. "What happened to Tristan?"

"Oh, Otogi told Malik and I to tie him here a while ago so he wouldn't cause trouble at the party," the British teen came into the room and patted Tristan's head gently. "This is Otogi's thong in his mouth. I have no idea why he used the satin one. But I guess Otogi really cares about Tristan."

"…" Mokuba stood still for a moment before sitting on the bed in the center of the room. "So I'm supposed to stay here for the entire party? But knowing my brother, he'll get carried away and stay forever!"

"Mokuba, your brother strikes me as a very reserved person. I'm sure he's only here to pay his respects to Joey, that's all."

"… You make it sound like Joey died."

"Ah, gosh, I hope he hasn't! That'd really put a damper on the festivities."

"…" Mokuba paused and rolled his eyes. "Brits…"

Suddenly another form came into the doorway of the bedroom and it just happened to be Otogi with a little something gripped in his hand. He came sauntering inside and set beside Mokuba a bandaged piece of meat.

Mokuba looked up at him. "What's this?"

Otogi huffed, placing his hands on his hips. "It's Joey's fiancée. I had to wrestle that thing away from him downstairs! I told him that a bachelor party is for men only!"

"Alright, I'm not even going to say anything."

There was a pause and finally Otogi turned to Ryou who was still standing by poor Tristan. "Oh, Ryou! There you are. I swear, when I undertook this entire project, I had no _idea _how much trouble it would be! Not to mention I don't have my favorite satin thong to get through this mess. Tristan, sometimes I think I'm too nice to you."

Tristan's eyebrow raised and he began shouting through the sock that covered his mouth. "Humph humph! HUMPH!"

"And I love you, too."

"…"

"Come on, Ryou. Our public awaits." Otogi fluffed his hair and sashayed out the door, being followed by playboy-bunny Ryou. Mokuba watched them leave and when the door was shut, he turned back to Hot Dog and Tristan and said, "You know, I think I had a dream like this once."

.0.0.

"Otogi, where's Hot Dog?"

"Upstairs with Tristan and Big Daddy's little brother."

"… B-Big _Daddy_? Who the hell is that?"

"Kaiba."

"… Why do you call him—"

"He asked me to."

"… Okay," Joey heaved a sigh and fell back into the couch. The doors to the party had been closed since Malik came back in the house with a big trash bag so obviously heavy that Marik had to help him drag the thing into the kitchen. Joey didn't even feel like asking what that was about and he felt that no one would tell him even if he had asked.

It was obvious that the party was just getting started even at it's already police-alarming rate which worried Joey. Most of the people who attended didn't even look familiar. Finally a light bulb clicked on in the dark areas of the blonde's mind and he looked up at Otogi.

"Hey, you said Hot Dog's upstairs with Tristan? Well what happens if Tristan tries to do something to Hot Dog?"

Otogi shook his head. "You know, you worry too much. We have Tristan all taken care of. Why don't you relax and have fun, Joey?"

"I'm worried about Hot Dog!" he persisted.

"Oh, Joey. Hmm… Hey, I know what'll cheer you up." Otogi grinned and instructed Bakura—he happened to be the DJ for the party because, one, Otogi had a tight budget due to Tristan's mom's hospitalization (broke her back) and, two, because no one has a better Sunny and Cher collection than Bakura—to turn down the stereo so that everyone could hear him.

When Otogi's attention was being paid to everyone else, Marik slid up to the turntables where Bakura was standing and whispered, "Hey, would I regret asking why you have so many Sunny and Cher albums?"

"I don't think so."

"Okay then… Why _do_ you have so many?"

"Ryou and I use them."

"But for what?"

"Mood-music."

There was a pause and finally Marik shouted, "You said I wouldn't regret asking! Good Ra!" Bakura watched, rather confusedly, as Marik went away.

"What's going on, Otogi?" Joey asked as said raven-haired teen gathered everybody around the center of the living room where Joey sat.

"Well I was going to save this until later but since you're being such a _downer_ now"—Joey frowned at this—"we'll just go ahead and have you open your presents."

He blinked. "I have presents?"

"Of course you do!" Ryou smiled, plopping down on Joey's left side.

Malik sat down on his right. "If you're going to start a new life, you need new things."

"Think of it as a baby-shower," Ryou added.

"Urm, but I'm not pregnant."

Kaiba snorted, seating himself on the loveseat across from them. "Not yet."

"Hey!"

"Trust me, I know that newlyweds never take a break. Not even for water." the brunette nodded sagely, "Soon, you'll be where all blondes end up; barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen."

Malik and Marik glared at him.

Noticing the growing vein on Joey's forehead, Ryou laughed nervously and shoved a prettily wrapped box into the boy's lap. He smiled, "This is from me and Bakura; hope you like it."

Joey blinked and opened it, sending a wavering glare towards Otogi who insisted on flashing his camera in Joey's face. When it was unwrapped, Joey took out an album from inside.

A pause. "Sunny and Cher?"

Marik gagged.

"Uh… well, thanks, you guys… I'll, um, treasure it always?"

Ryou sobbed and threw himself onto Joey, his arms wrapping themselves around his neck. He cried into the teen's neck, "It's so sad, Joey! You're growing up and moving on with your life! Nothing will ever be the same with you married and all! Oh, Joey!"

"Um… there, there?" Joey was still unsure of himself as he patted Ryou on the back.

Otogi's left eye twitched wildly and he stormed over, grabbing Ryou by the fine hairs on the back of his neck and catapulted him out of the window.

"MEEP!" Ryou cried as he went sailing into the front yard.

Otogi sat down in the spot previously occupied by Ryou and snuggled into Joey's arm. When a few uncomfortable coughs were voiced, Otogi called out, "Next."

Both Marik and Malik looked at each other for a second before Marik pulled out from behind his back a normal looking, brown box. Malik scampered up from his seat and began to squabble with his other half about said package.

"You can't give him that!" Malik whispered harshly, trying to take it away from his yami.

Marik frowned. "We paid money for this thing and he's going to get it!"

"B-But I bought that before I knew he was actually—"

"Shoo," Marik moved the smaller him out of the way and handed the package to Joey. "Here ya go. Enjoy."

Joey looked at it wearily and began to open it up. He finally pulled out a long, metal device with a chopper at the end. He glanced at the two blondes and asked, "What is this?"

Marik shrugged. "A hotdog-cutter."

"…"

Joey's brown eyes enlarged to twice their normal size and Malik hurried to explain. "Y-You see, Joey, I bought that before I knew you were marrying a hotdog, and I tried to take it back but I got it on sale so I couldn't; please forgive us!"

"Us?" Marik looked at the teen in mild annoyance. He turned back to Joey and said, "Look, if you don't want to chop up your hotdog, that's fine but use it for _something_."

"_Like what_?" He screeched.

"Carrots, celery, circumcisions…"

"…" Joey's head dropped into his hands. "Oh, for God's sake…"

A moment of silence passed when all that was heard was the snapping of Otogi's camera and the whispered bickering of Marik and Malik. Kaiba sighed loudly and waved his hand. "Alright, alright, I might as well give you my gift then."

Joey peeked from in between his hands. "_You_ have a present, Kaiba?"

"Yes, I do."

"… I don't know if I want it or not…"

"Well, _I_ want to see it," Otogi told Joey loudly.

Joey rolled his eyes. "Well, we'll just stop the world for what you want then."

"Goody!"

"Ugh!"

Before anything else was said or groaned over, another box was past around until it reached Joey. The blonde was rather surprised that it had colorful wrapping paper and Kaiba simply said one of his maids did it. (A/N: LIE!) When it was open, everyone leaned in to see what Joey was staring at. Otogi, being the closest to him, gasped.

"Oh, Kaiba, it's beautiful!" the raven-haired teen squealed.

Joey lifted out of the box a black and red, lace camisole. He turned it around, inspecting the thing and found that there were three holes in it; two where the nipples were supposed to be and one where it connected under the crotch. When it was set down, Joey's expression was revealed as a fuming cherry.

"KAIBA! What the hell? Why would you give me this?"

He smirked. "For your wedding night."

Malik turned to the CEO. "But it's too big for the hotdog."

"It's _for_ Wheeler."

Joey then made the noise of a small animal caught in a trap. He looked at the thing again but Otogi had taken it and held it up to Joey's torso so everyone could see how it would look.

"Otogi, stop that!"

"But Joey, you're so pretty!"

"No, I'm not!"

After a bit of back-and-forth, the rest of the presents were opened and they were relatively normal for which Joey was grateful. Among the pile was a present addressed: _To Joey, From Yami and Yugi. _Inside was a coffeemaker and a note that read:

_Dear Joey,_

_Hope your bachelor party is going alright. I wish we could've come but we've encountered another accident… But with a little bit of rest and a lot of fluids, maybe I can recover fast and still come to your wedding to be your best man! If Yami recovers, I'll tie him up so he won't ruin anything._

_Lots of love,_

_Yugi and Yami._

Bakura turned the music back up and then went outside to see about his hikari who was patiently waiting for someone to pick him out of Otogi's cherry tree.

"Hallo, 'Kura!" Ryou waved at his yami from his upside-down position in the tree. "Have you come to rescue me?"

"You've… been waiting there all this time?"

"Yes," he nodded.

"Um… okay… hold on, then…"

"Okay," Ryou smiled.

.0.0.

Meanwhile, Otogi had called both Marik and Malik into the kitchen for a little chat.

"Alright, Malik," Otogi turned to the Egyptian who was sitting on the counter. "We're ready to bring the stripper out now."

Malik nodded, "Okay, then—"

"Wait, wait. What stripper?" Marik looked at both of them. "I thought we didn't have enough _money_ for one."

Otogi waved his hand flippantly. "I got one on sale. For free, rather."

A pause before Marik shrugged. "Works for me."

.0.0.

A few minutes later, Otogi had flounced back into the living room and up to the turntables where Bakura and Ryou were. When Ryou saw the green-eyed boy approach, he hid behind his yami.

Otogi rolled his eyes. "I'm not after you, Ryou. Bakura, turn the music up, okay? And make it sexy."

Bakura blinked and shuffled through his collection. "Um, is 'I Got You Babe' sexy enough?"

"Sure, sure," he said, walking away, "Just make it loud and I will gyrate my hips accordingly."

"Ookay, then…"

.0.0.

Joey was sitting on the couch when Otogi came and plopped down beside him, taking possession of Joey's arm and snuggling. Joey, obviously used to this, didn't protest and instead sat there moping.

"Cheer up, love," Otogi smiled at him, "_my_ present is coming next."

"Funny, but that doesn't help."

Suddenly there was a knock at the front door. One of the other party-goers opened it and everyone in the room was surprised to see a rather dizzy-looking policeman standing there with a nightstick in one hand and, on his belt, a pair of handcuffs.

Joey blinked. "Hey, it's a cop. The music must be too loud; we're probably disturbing the peace."

Little did Joey know that Marik was behind the disoriented man with a red-hot poker and whispering harshly into his ear, "Go ahead, do it."

The man whined. "What kind of weird kidnapper are you guys? I don't want to!"

Marik poked him with the cattle prod.

"AHH! O-Okay, okay!" He sniffed and shuffled over to Joey and began to wiggle around and take off his shirt and then ripped off the Velcro pants. Joey screamed and tried to get away but Otogi insisted the cop-stripper handcuff him to the couch, which he did.

"Now," Otogi shouted happily, "spank him!"

"_What_?" Joey cried.

Marik and Malik stood in the corner while all the other men crowded around either laughing or trying to get a spank in as well.

"So… where did Otogi get this guy?" Marik asked.

"From what he told me, he ran him over yesterday in the driveway, threw him in the trunk and saved him for today. He's an anchorman or something."

"… Awesome."

.0.0.

Upstairs, all the yelling from the party could be heard. Even through the bedroom door which was where Mokuba, Tristan and Hot Dog were stationed and had been for the past two hours. Tristan sat in his chair, quietly sulking while Mokuba lay on the bed playing with a marble he brought in his pocket.

The boy noticed Tristan's rather sour expression and asked, holding up the shiny blue marble, "Wanna play, Tristan?"

A few blinks from Tristan and he sighed, shrugging his shoulders as best he could while tied up. Mokuba smiled and hurled the thing at Tristan, successfully hitting him in the center of his forehead. Tristan almost immediately fell limp in the chair.

Mokuba paused. "Well that wasn't supposed to happen."

Some seconds of silence followed and finally Mokuba got up from the bed and went over to the door. He tried the handle but it was locked. Figures. Still bored and convinced that his brother would not leave the party at a decent time, Mokuba looked around for another exit and found, on the other side of the room, a window.

He smiled and ran over, opening it up and looking down into the front yard. There was a drainpipe that ran down the side of the house right next to the window and he grabbed a hold of it, swinging his legs over the sill and shimmying down.

When he was a foot above the ground, he hopped off and almost broke his small ankles; however, he recovered rather quickly. The front door was insight and he opened it without trouble seeing as how it was left a crack open. Mokuba couldn't say he was exactly surprised to see hordes of men on top of Joey and a half-naked policeman with a nightstick beating the living daylights out of the blonde's behind.

He walked in and, coincidently, ran into his brother.

"… Mokuba?"

"Hi, Seto."

Kaiba furrowed his brow. "What are you doing down here? This is no place for someone of your age."

Mokuba paused and looked around again. He stared up at his brother. "Have _you _been spanked, Seto?"

"Urm," Kaiba slid up to the wall to hide the worn through patches on the seat of his pants, "No, of course not. I would never."

"Then can we go?"

"Oh… alright, alright. Let's go." Kaiba sighed and, inside, thought, 'I'll just have Otogi mail me the pictures of everything I missed…'

The two Kaiba brothers turned for the door and before they even made it out onto the porch, a hand that was placed on Kaiba's shoulder stopped them. They turned around to see Otogi's questioning expression.

"Hey, you aren't leaving, are you?"

The elder brother nodded. "I have to tuck Mokuba in."

"No you don't!" the boy objected.

"… So, yeah, we're going." Kaiba continued.

"Well you have to sign out." Otogi held up a clipboard and a pen. "And don't forget to pay me."

"I paid you already!"

"That was the _entry_ fee. You're _exiting_ now," he nodded solemnly, "So it's double."

"_What_? Oh for heaven's sake." Kaiba fished around in his back pocket and pulled out two hundred thousand dollars. Before he handed it over, two shrill yelps from the kitchen doorway made themselves known.

All three at the front door turned around to see Ryou and Malik in their birthday suits, wagging cans of whipped cream at Otogi.

"Hey!" Malik giggled, "Look what we found! We put tubs of this stuff on the linoleum and it makes for a yummy slide!"

Bakura's voice was heard in the background, shouting, "I FOUND THE CHERRIES!"

"WHO-HOO!"

Kaiba blinked and patted Mokuba on the head. "Eh, you go on home, Mokuba. I'll stay here… and make sure nothing bad happens…"

"That's a lie!"

Otogi whirled around to see that the men had gotten off of Joey and run into the kitchen to join the whipped cream-sliders. Otogi smiled. "Good, Joey, you're already undressed! Come on, we're going on the slide together!"

"W-What slide…?"

"I FOUND THE PICKLES!" came Kaiba's voice from the kitchen.

"WHO-HOO!"

Mokuba stomped his foot on the ground. "_Seto_…!"

* * *

_**TBC…**_


	18. Wedding Peaches

Her Sweetness: So, um… yeah and… stuff.

* * *

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Part Eighteen: Wedding Peaches

"Oh, _Joey_!"

"Grrmm… Mmm…"

"Joey, my love?"

"Pththt…"

"Don't make me pinch you, mister."

"Huh?"

Joey groggily opened his eyes and looked up only to see Otogi with two hands on his hips and a small pout placed on his lips. The blonde looked from side to side and realized that he was not in Otogi's house or anyone other house for that matter, he was on wet grass. And as he observed even closer, he was laying on, not morning dew, but what felt and looked like whipped cream.

He sat up quickly and hid his naked self from people who drove by in their cars. "Otogi!" he shouted, "What the hell happened?"

"Ooh, we got down and _dirty _last night!" Otogi leaned down and winked. "That whipped cream-slide was the best idea! And then when Marik got drunk and threw himself and Ryou in the pool! They didn't come up for air for, like, six minutes, Kaiba timed it!"

"Y-You don't have a pool!"

"But the neighbors do."

Joey looked at him disapprovingly for a moment, fidgeting with his hands. "A… And just what do you mean by _dirty_?"

Otogi blinked thoughtfully. "Well Bakura, for one. I bet he woke up sore this morning! Ha! … Speaking of which, where is the little darling? I was going around the yard, scraping people out of trees and such. If I don't gather everyone soon, we'll be late for the wedding."

There was a pause.

"THE WEDDING!" Joey shouted, jumping from his spot on the lawn, releasing his private parts and running around Otogi in a small circle. He fisted bunches of his hair and screamed, "We're going to miss the wedding, good Lord! Oh, Otogi, help me!"

While he continued to scurry around in the nude, Otogi tilted his head to the side, watching. "I dunno, Joey, I'm kinda enjoying the view…"

He stopped running to glare at the teen. "WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!"

"SHUT UP!"

Suddenly a bottle was thrown out of a near-by house and it hit Joey in the head.

Otogi looked up to see an old woman in the window, shaking her fist, obviously the one who'd thrown the bottle. Joey sat up once again and looked up at her as well, rubbing the large bump on his head.

She shouted again, having trouble keeping her teeth from falling out as she spoke. "Stop all that racket! First you hoodlums keep me awake all night with your shenanigans and pee in my pool! Then you won't let me sleep in the morning! Hooligan!"

"Hey, we didn't pee in your pool!" Otogi pouted then, after a second, stopped. "Oh… wait a minute. Yes, we did."

"Ruffian!"

Otogi rolled his eyes and turned to Joey. "Come on, we have to go to SUPER now, I had Sharonda deliver your suit there."

"B-But what about Hot Dog and everyone else—"

"Don't worry; I'll round them up and we'll meet you there." He winked, "You can count on me!"

"I'm so sure."

"Lout!" she continued to call to them.

"Oh, will you shut up! Goddamn." Otogi shook his head and, from out of his back pocket, pulled out a ring of keys. He threw them to Joey and pointed out to the street where his rather banged-up, black Mercedes was resting. "Take my car to SUPER, alright? I'll meet you there."

"I can't drive naked; let me get my clothes—"

"You don't exactly have _time_—"

"Thug!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP! JOEY, GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF HERE!"

Rather frightened of the perturbed expression on the other teen's face, Joey took the keys and scrambled to the vehicle, soon zooming down the street. He felt a little uneasy for two reasons as he left Sphincter Ave. One, he worried that Otogi would be too caught up in his argument with the old woman and, two, that someone would notice him driving without any clothes.

He got a few blocks and began to think this was relaxing (everything except the harsh wind blowing his manhood in all directions.) No sooner did be began to loosen up, he heard a blaring siren coming from a certain direction, looked in his rearview mirror and, to his dismay, saw that a police car was following him.

Sighing, Joey pulled over to the curb. The cop got out of the car and traveled the distance to Joey's window. He tired his best to hide himself but it was too late when the uniform-clad man leaned into the window and lowered his sunglasses.

"What… is _that_?" He pointed accusingly to Joey's crotch.

"Um… A growth. And I'd thank you kindly not to stare. It's very embarrassing."

"… I'll bet. Step out of the car please, sir."

"Y-You're kidding! Listen, I'm sorry, but I'm on my way to a wedding!" Joey shook his head, pleading. "I'm already late and I'm sorry I'm naked but I really had no choice!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Wedding, huh?"

"Yeah, I'm getting married!"

"I find that hard to believe."

"Hey!"

"Step out of the car please, sir." The man stood back so Joey could get out.

Joey looked around nervously and, finally, stepped on the gas full-throttle, sending the car rocketing down the street and back into traffic. He stuck his arm out of the window and shouted back, "I'm REALLY sorry!"

The policeman's eye twitched as he watched the car go.

.0.0.

"What do you mean you're already there? … Oh, alright, I'm on my way. … See ya."

About five minutes after that call was made, Otogi arrived at the SUPER Chapel of Love in a large, greasy-looking sixteen-wheeler. It stopped right in front of the chapel and crowded most of the parking lot. Otogi hopped out of the passenger's side and onto the sidewalk in front of the building, turning back and waving at the large man who had driven it.

"Thanks for the lift, Bubba!"

"No prob," He winked, shifting the toothpick from one corner of his mouth to the other, "I'd do anythin' for a dame in distress."

Otogi waved again before Bubba pulled away and he went inside. He wasn't too surprised to enter Hall Number Three and see dozens of people running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Charlie was the first to see Otogi and ran to him, arms flailing.

"M-Mr. Ryuuji, I don't mean to worry you, but the wedding is in less than a hour, guests are already arriving, we don't really know where the outfits for the bridesmaids are, the bride's dress lost a button—"

Otogi raised his hand to Charlie's lips. "Walk with me," he said and they began down the aisle and into the room behind the altar.

When they were in the room, they were greeted with the sight of Malik and Ryou, both in their boxers, surrounded by people who fluttered around in a tizzy. Malik waved his hand at Otogi, "Hey! Otogi, I'm glad you're here; where the heck happened to the suits you picked out for us at G3?"

Ryou whined, "I'm cold!"

"Alright, alright, hold on." Otogi rolled his eyes and flipped out his cell phone. Numbers were dialed and everyone in the room quieted down, acting as the eavesdroppers they were. "Hey, Sharonda. … Huh? Oh really? Ooh, scandalous! … Ugh, sorry, can't talk about that right now. … It's about the suits for Malik and Ryou. … Well they're not here. … What? Oh, Sharonda! … Well, don't cry over it… Alright, we'll deal. … Bye, babe."

He flipped the phone closed and crossed his arms.

"Well?" Everyone asked.

"The suits were lost in the mail."

"… WHAT?"

"Don't worry, don't worry!" He winked at his friends. "Otogi's got you covered."

About five minutes later, Otogi called at Ryou and Malik through the bathroom door, "You guys, get a move on! Get out here so we can adjust them!"

The door slid open and both teens came out, one by one, dressed in two identical dresses. Both a light blue with a white trim, sleeveless, and backless; the hem flowed down to the ground and dragged a bit behind them.

Ryou sighed, lifting his arms, "Well? How do we look?"

Malik coughed and kept pulling the front up to cover his chest.

Charlie shook his head at Otogi. "This will never work; they don't have any breasts to fill the cups!"

"Hey!" they snapped at him.

Otogi waved his comment away. He turned around to a fruit bowl and grabbed out of it two oranges and two grapefruits. He stuffed the grapefruits in Ryou's cups and the oranges went to Malik. The raven-haired teen nodded happily, "Perfect."

The boys grinned at each other and jiggled their new appendages in Charlie's face. "Whaddya think of our cups, now?" Ryou asked sweetly.

Charlie blushed, waving them away. "Alright, so there's one thing solved."

"The wiener's dress, right? The button?" Otogi yawned, walking into the other room with Mr. Tinkles. "You can just sew it back on, right?"

"Yes, but—"

"Ooh, don't you look sharp?" Otogi's eyes were filled with a certain brightness when he noticed Marik and Bakura sitting in chairs on the other side of the lobby under the wall-attached television set. They wore matching, jet-black suits but a gray bowtie for Bakura and a purple one for Marik.

Marik looked up first, his eyebrow raised. "And here I expected you to be wearing something flashy."

"_I'm_ getting dressed in a few minutes." Otogi said, fluffing his hair. "Such are the woes of someone in charge, everyone comes before me. I'm such a giving person."

Bakura snorted. "I don't want anything you're giving out, Otogi."

"Humph!"

"Don't mind him," Marik rolled his eyes and laughed, "He's still upset because Ryou went underwater with me at the party."

"I am not! I'm upset because he _stayed_ underwater with you for _six_ minutes! What the hell were you two doing for _six_ minutes? How could he not have drowned?" Bakura was becoming hysterical.

Marik shrugged. "I gave him some of my air."

"You bastard!"

Sooner or later, a physical fight broke out and Charlie was left to try and sort it out, however he ended up with a rip in the tail of his suit and a black eye. Otogi filed his nails and wondered aloud, "Where the hell is Joey? He should've been here before I came! He had the car after all!"

The door busted open and a pair of spiky-headed teenagers came bopping inside the room, the smaller of the two coming in first. Otogi immediately recognized them and shouted with glee, "You made it!"

"Yes, we did," Yugi nodded and shot a glare at his other half, "No thanks to Yami."

"Hey, I was conducting a scientific experiment with bathwater and plugged-in toasters!"

"Well next time conduct your 'experiment' when I'm _not_ taking a bath!" Yugi fumed and now that Otogi got a look at him close up, his hair was much spikier and he twitched every now and again.

Yami smiled shyly, muttered, "I said I was sorry," and looked over under the television where Marik and Bakura were beating the living daylights out of each other.

Yugi twitched. "What's up with those two?"

"Oh, they're being dumb." Otogi called over to them, "Hey! Don't go messing up each other's suits! Those cost money!"

Charlie, who had apparently snuck out somewhere because he just returned, poked his head through the back door, giving them all a thumbs-up sign. "Hot Dog's dress is taken care of!"

Yami looked at Otogi. "The hotdog's wearing a dress?"

"Well of course. It's from the most expensive Barbie doll we could find."

"I, um… I see…"

"But damn it all! Joey's not here yet! Where the hell could he be?"

"I think I found him." Bakura said, pointing upwards. He and Marik had stopped their quarreling for the moment to watch the television screen overhead. Everyone in the room turned to see what he was taking about and as Marik reached up to turn up the volume, all the jaws in the room dropped.

The station was turned to Channel 8 News, being shot from a helicopter over-looking a high-speed chase. Just about forty police cars chased one, beat-up Mercedes down the streets of Domino. Marsha Mitsubishi was speaking of the young man driving the vehicle in question while the cameraman zeroed in on the driver and he was revealed to be a very naked Joey Wheeler.

Marik was the first to say, "What the hell?" followed by many others.

Yugi hung his head and twitched. "Poor Joey… He's had it so rough lately."

Charlie, whose jaw had just come back to it's normal spot, turned to the raven-haired teenager next to him. "Mr. Ryuuji, what should we… Mr. Ryuuji?"

"WOO! GO JOEY!"

Everyone turned around only to see Otogi in a bright pink cheerleader's outfit, jumping up and down with two pom-poms that, combined together, spelt out the groom's name. He jumped up again, waving them around. "DODGE 'EM, JOEY! WOOT, JOEY! DRIVE FASTER; FASTER, I SAY! _WOOT_! AH HA HA HA HA! YEAH!"

Charlie sweatdropped.

.0.0.

"Oh for crap's sake! They've got a _helicopter_, too?" Joey shouted in disbelief as he looked out of the window and up towards the sky. He noticed Marsha Mitsubishi's ever watchful eye on him and her microphone ready and waiting.

As he came to the next turn and went left, some of the cop cars went straight ahead. He must've made a really sharp turn and, finally, he got an idea. He would simply have to lose them all before he go to SUPER. He could do it, after all, he'd done the same thing on a videogame at the arcade. But as Joey readied himself to turn again, he glanced out of his window and almost ran off the road out of surprise. There, not two inches away from him, was the helicopter, hovering only feet above the ground and Marsha, her microphone thrust into his face.

"W-What the hell? What are you doing?" Joey shouted, red in the face.

"Hello, I'm Marsha Mitsubishi from Channel—"

"I know who you are!"

"Well, could you please explain to our viewers at home why you're breaking the speed limit and driving in the nude, Mr. Hotdog Maniac?"

"I-I'm not a Hotdog Maniac and I _won't_ explain—"

Marsha turned to her cameraman and pointed at Joey's crotch, "Get a close-up of that."

"HEY!"

Joey shook his fist at the camera but retracted it immediately when a bullet almost hit his hand and, instead, hit his side mirror and blasted it off. Joey's face dropped. "They're SHOOTING? What the hell!"

Marsha spoke into the microphone. "The situation seems to be intensifying and the Maniac is currently being shot at—AHHH!"

Another few bullets hit the propellers of the helicopter and blasted the thing out into a valley on the other side of the road. Joey, now happy that Marsha was out of his way, was currently trying to turn every corner he could to shake the police. He found that the more he turned the less cars were following him on the next street. He kept this up until there was only one left and he was entering the West Side.

"Alright, one left… Let's see… I got it!" Joey grinned to himself and swerved the car off the road and into the side yard of a nearby house. He continued into the back yard and, because the police car wasn't seemingly following him, was almost home-free, but at the last second he was filled with dismay to see these people had a built-in pool.

"Aw, damn." He sighed as the car went down.

.0.0.

"Aw, we can't see Joey anymore!" Otogi whined as the screen on Channel 8 filled with static a few moments later.

Yugi shook his head. "I'm not worried about _seeing_ Joey, I'm worried about him _living_! They were shooting at the car!"

"Oh, Joey'll be fine." Otogi said smugly. "If a bullet comes at him, he can just deflect it with his pectoral muscles of steel!"

"… WHAT?"

"I'm here!"

Suddenly everyone in the room turned towards the door and saw Joey, naked and dripping wet with twigs and such sticking out of his hair. He sighed and coughed, pulling a small pool toy out of his behind. Otogi squealed and Charlie sighed, throwing his hands up to the sky, "Finally!"

Yugi smiled, giving two twitches. "Joey! You're okay!"

"Yeah, thanks Yu—"

"C'mon, Joey, you're late as it is. We have to get you in your suit and me in mine." Otogi grabbed the blonde's arm and dragged him towards the other door in the back, smiling on the way. "We can get dressed together to save time."

"What? Otogi!"

"Oh, hush. This is the last fun thing you'll ever do. You're getting _married_, remember?"

"… Oh, yeah. Alright then."

* * *

_**TBC…**_


	19. Let Me Be With You

—Hot Man, Hot Dog—

Chapter Nineteen: Let Me Be With You

A few minutes later, after much banging on the stall doors from Charlie Tinkles, everyone was dressed and ready. Charlie, who had been on the verge of a conniption whilst Joey and Otogi were leisurely dressing each other, ran around in the back rooms, screaming to everyone who had a part in the wedding to get out into the main hall. He threw on his cleric's clothing (which was purchased from the Party Store) and raced out onto the altar, straightening it and trying to look dignified.

The seats were filled in Hall Number Three which was decorated brightly in purple and white flowers and delicate curtains on the wall-length windows, colors chosen by Joey himself. Joey's family and friends sat on the right side while Hot Dog's family was supposed to occupy the left. However, since none of the meat's kin could be located in such a short amount of time, the seats were filled with newly-purchased packages of bologna.

Yami and Yugi stood patiently in their black tuxedos on Joey's side while Joey rocked back and forth on his feet out of nervousness. Yugi narrowed his eyes at his other half and whispered harshly, "Yami, get your finger out of your nose."

"… Sorry, Yugi," he said mournfully, wiping the offending finger on his pants.

Yugi paled in disgust.

The first pew on the left side was filled with the people closest to Joey. Well maybe not as close as they were just… around all the time. Marik and Bakura bickered amongst each other, elbowing one another and Serenity, Joey's extremely confused sister, sat closer to the aisle with a dazed look on her face. (Serenity was the only true family of Joey's able to attend the ceremony seeing as how both his mother and father dropped dead at hearing their son was to marry a very old hotdog. They wanted to be cremated but seeing as how there was no money for that, their bodies were donated to scientific research.)

The door behind the altar opened and Otogi came bopping out, gave a quick whisper to Charlie and a pinch of the butt to Joey before seating himself on the other side of Serenity. Bakura, who was on the verge of punching Marik, looked over suddenly and starred at Otogi's "tuxedo". First of all, he was wearing leather short-shorts and knee-high boots. His vest held a pink rose in the lapel and had lace frills decorating the hem and the sleeves with a black and emerald green ribbon holding up his hair.

Marik looked over as well and he and Bakura echoed, "What… the hell."

Otogi tossed his ponytail. "Jealous."

Kaiba, who sat right behind the four in the first pew, tapped Otogi on the shoulder with some irritation. Otogi turned around. "Hey," Kaiba frowned, "When's this thing going to start anyway? I have a meeting I have to get to; I can't sit around all day."

There was some whispering among the other guys. "He didn't say that last night…"

Otogi rolled his eyes and said, "Relax, relax."

Kaiba paused. "And where the hell is Mokuba? He was here just a second ago!"

"Relax, relax," he repeated.

The raven-haired teen raised a hand to Charlie and he turned to the old woman at the organ. He gave her the signal and the woman (who turned out to be Charlie's shamed mother) began to play "Here Comes The Bride".

Everyone in the Hall—even the bologna—turned towards the open back door expectantly and as the song played on, a furry black ball in a white Sunday dress and a basket full of daisies came skipping down the aisle, throwing the flowers on the people sitting. Some of the women cooed and said, "What a darling young girl!"

Kaiba, instead, said, "HOLY CRAP, THAT'S MOKUBA!"

The boy sighed as he passed his horror-stricken brother and threw a daisy into his lap. "Just go with the flow, bro."

Otogi smiled, waving him off, "Isn't he adorable?"

Kaiba's face dropped as he turned to Otogi. "What have you done!"

"Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Ordinary for _who_?" he shouted.

But Otogi ignored the hopelessly distraught CEO and continued to watch the aisle. The first thing seen was Malik in his light blue dress and orange breasts carrying a bouquet of sunflowers. Ryou followed in his light blue dress and his grapefruit breasts that jiggled suggestively as he walked down the aisle.

And, finally, it was seen that Ryou held a rope in the hand he hid behind his back. Attached to the other end was a hotdog dressed in a white and finely decorated Barbie wedding dress with one button sewed on with an ugly piece of red yarn.

Ryou dragged the thing down the aisle and all the sane people in the room shook their heads in unbelievable sadness and doubt for the future of humanity. When they reached the alter, the music stopped and Ryou gave the hotdog to Joey who held it with dignity.

Charlie cleared his throat and a hush came over the room.

"We are gathered here today, in this beautiful Hall for the purpose of solemnizing the holy rites of matrimony between Joseph Wheeler and Hot Dog. Holy, joyous is this hour in which two loving beings are joined…"

Charlie was clearly in the zone and carried on into detail to which no one but a few, including Joey who tried to follow, listened. The two bride's maids were mindlessly adjusting themselves and caught the expressions of their other halves who's mouths were wide open as were their eyes. Malik blushed and looked away while Ryou waved to Bakura and whispered, "Hey, 'Kura! Look at these!"

Bakura was going to whisper something back but Marik pushed him out of the way and gave a thumbs-up sign to Ryou who giggled in return. Bakura's eye twitched wildly and he began to assault Marik once again. The ruckus in the first pew disturbed the people in the second and eventually the entire left side broke out into a frenzy.

"Marik!" Malik shouted, "Stop that!"

"He started it!"

Bakura growled, "You lowdown, dirty…!"

Ryou giggled.

And Charlie was too wrapped up in his speech to notice. "Spirited…"

Yugi looked at the other two yamis with distaste and, for a brief moment, was glad that his other half was so well behaved. That moment was quick to pass when he had to reprimand Yami for his intrusive finger once again.

Joey looked behind him with a tired glance, thinking, 'I _knew_ inviting them was a bad idea!'

"Ryou-stealer!"

The albino hikari looked up. "Someone call my name?"

Malik shook his head. "Ryou, you are so clueless!"

"Really? About what?"

"And the hippos guide you through the tough times…" Charlie continued.

Otogi, who had been daydreaming quietly, then was broken out of his trance when Bakura and Marik went tumbling towards the altar and blocked the raven-haired teen's view of Joey. This was unacceptable and Otogi flicked Bakura's ear.

"… What?" the albino yami looked up from Marik.

"Go sit down."

The small edge to Otogi's normally perky and preppy tone made the boys do as they were told and that seemed to restore order in the Hall and, once again, Charlie was heard over everyone else. Unfortunately, Charlie's speech was so full of proverbs and confusing statements that the general audience couldn't follow. Kaiba, however, claimed to know what it was all about.

No one believed him.

The bologna all fell asleep and were awakened when these words came out of Charlie's mouth, "The rings, please."

Everyone looked around, expecting a ring bearer but, instead, Mokuba, who remained standing by Yami and Yugi up at the altar, ripped off his Sunday dress and revealed himself to be wearing a small tuxedo. Out of his pocket he pulled two wedding bands and walked up to hand them to Joey. Most of the guests either considered this strange or adorable but Kaiba was thankful that his brother was at least _part_ man.

"Now, Joseph, repeat after me."

"Repeat after me," said Joey.

"N-Not yet! Ahem… I, Joseph Wheeler—"

"Hey, my name's Joseph Wheeler, too!" he said brightly.

The entire crowd groaned.

Kaiba smacked himself on the forehead. "I'll _never_ get to that meeting!"

Joey looked around. "What? What'd I do?"

"Nothing, Joey," Otogi said, walking up to the altar and whispered to Charlie, "You'd better just skip his vows. If you didn't, we'd all be in here till death do us part."

"Righty-o." He turned back around and cleared his throat. "Erm, let's see here… Oh, yes. Okay, Hot Dog, actually, has written it's own vows and will read them to its beloved now."

Malik took a piece of paper out of his cleavage and held it in front of Hot Dog. A hush fell over the Hall as the meat began to read.

"……………………………..." it paused, "…………………."

At the end, everyone wasn't too surprised to see Joey wiping a tear from his eye and sniffling. Most of them thought it was weird and Otogi was only crying for show and to hopefully gain some points with Joey.

"Joseph Wheeler," said Charlie, "do you take Hot Dog as your lawfully wedded meat? To have and to hold, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, till death do you part?"

"Sure."

"… Y-You're supposed to say 'I do'."

"I do what?"

"… Never mind." Charlie shook his head and turned to someone a bit more intelligent. "And do you, Hot Dog, take Joseph Wheeler as your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, till death do you part?"

"…"

"Sounds like an 'I do' to me." Charlie nodded and said, "Now, with the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and meat. You may kiss the hotdog."

"Hey, I wanna kiss Hot Dog!" Joey whined.

"I meant you!"

"Oh. Okay."

Everyone turned away while rolling their eyes as Joey slobbered on the meat.

"I OBJECT!"

There was a pause and everyone slowly turned around in their seats towards the back door to see a man who was in a brown trench coat that was riddled with barbed wire and had scattered burn marks on it. He was panting heavily and holding onto the threshold for support.

Otogi blinked. "Tristan? How'd you get out of that cage?"

"I ALMOST DIDN'T, YOU FREAK!" He shouted, glaring at Otogi who pouted in response. Tristan turned toward the aisle and began to limp down it until he reached Joey and the altar. "B-But that doesn't matter now. Joey, I'm here to save you, man. From all the ridicule you're going to go through and from all the heartbreak. I, your best friend, will not stand by and watch this catastrophe take hold of your life."

"Urm… you're kinda late, Tristan. We already said the vows and kissed and stuff." Joey shrugged.

"Well I would've been here on time but I had to get through barbed wire, go under a wall of fire, swim an ocean and then escape the wrath of Oprah."

"… Damn, Otogi's good."

Otogi smiled and waved.

"Don't praise him! This is all his fault! It's his fault that my mom's in the hospital! She worked too hard for money that _he_ spent! And it's his fault this wedding is taking place! I bet you never would've gone this far if it weren't for him! He egged you on!" Tristan frowned deeply at Otogi, "You should be ashamed, tainting the mind of an innocent with your weird ideas!"

"Hey, hey, don't get all snappy with me, Tristan." Otogi fluffed his hair, "_You_ were innocent too, a long time ago, before I got to you. Now look at you. I did Joey a favor. He wanted to get married."

"I'm not buying that! I'm putting an end to this right now!" Tristan snatched the hotdog from Joey's hand and ripped off it's dress. Only one swift movement before opening his mouth wide and dropping it down, not bothering to chew.

Joey starred and the guests all 'ooh'ed.

.0.0.

"Joey?"

"Go away…"

"Aw, c'mon, Joey."

"I said go away… I don't feel like talking."

"Well okay, but you kind of have to come down from here. It isn't too safe."

Joey sighed, turning over on his side. He'd been laying on the chapel's roof, crying for the past ten minutes. Most of the guests, after they got over the initial shock of the bride being gobbled up, wanted to move straight to the reception and get to all the free shrimp. However, Yugi insisted he go up first and fetch Joey.

"I don't get it," Joey sniffed, "how could Tristan do this to me? I mean, jeez! Poor, poor Hot Dog…"

Yugi tapped his fingers on the dried tar of the roof. He glanced down at the ground where his yami and Bakura were holding the latter steady. Joey turned back on his side and Yugi gently climbed down the latter back onto the concrete.

"Well?" Tristan asked when Yugi looked up at him. "What'd he say?"

"He's really depressed. Tristan, I don't think that was a wise thing to do; eating Joey's fiancée like that."

"I-I had to do something!"

Otogi shook his head mournfully. "I _knew_ something like this would happen if Tristan came! That's the reason I locked him up, so Joey's heart could remain intact."

"You were letting him live in a dream world!" Tristan scolded, "At least now he's reintroduced to reality."

Bakura rolled his eyes, "A random guy barging in into a wedding chapel and eating the bride. Reality, right."

There were a few coughs and a small moment of silence. Otogi's eyes brightened and he turned to the rest of them. "I've got an idea! We'll just force-feed Tristan lots of laxatives and sooner or later, we'll get Hot Dog back! I'm a genius, right? You love it, right? Good idea?"

"…"

"Too stunned to speak, I see."

"N-No… just stunned…"

Otogi pouted. "Well what other option do we have? It's Tristan's fault, he should pay the price!"

"I am not defecating myself to death just so Joey can have an inanimate sex-toy!"

It was quiet again and both Marik and Bakura looked at each other before beginning to walk away at the same time. Yami blinked and called out to them, "Hey, where're you going?"

Marik turned his head, "The drugstore down the street has laxatives on sale."

"I SAID WE'RE NOT DOING THAT!" Tristan shouted.

Suddenly an unfamiliar noise reached the ears of the people in front of the church. They all looked up at the same time and saw Joey standing at the edge of the roof, arms out to his sides and his eyes closed. He called out, "Goodbye cruel world! I can't bear your hardships without Hot Dog!"

Malik blinked. "… Hey, that line was on the new episode of Dallas last week!"

Marik looked at him.

"… Well, without the 'Hot Dog' thing."

Yugi watched, horror-stricken and barely managed to scream at the blonde, "Joey! W-What the hell are you doing? Please don't jump!"

"I have to, Yugi! There's no reason for me to live anymore!"

Otogi gasped, "What about ME?"

"No reason at all!"

"Humph!"

Tristan tried to think. "What about those little jelly-filled Fritos you like so much, Joey?"

Joey blinked. "Hmm… Nope, I still gotta die! To be with Hot Dog!"

As the idiotically devoted teenager readied himself to hit the ground, Yugi, Otogi and Tristan panicked and raced to think of some way to get Joey to think rationally. Tristan held his head with both hands. "Oh no! I never meant for anything like this to happen! I just wanted Joey to be okay!"

"Joey's never been okay," Marik rolled his eyes.

Otogi widened his eyes, "I got it!"

"No more laxative ideas!"

"Of course not! This one will work!" He looked up and shouted to Joey, "Hey, Joey! I know how you can still be married to Hot Dog!"

Joey looked down. "You… you do?"

.0.0.

"And now, with the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and… man. You may now kiss the—"

"No thanks…" Tristan turned away, his hands firmly crossed over his chest. A pout was securely fastened to his features and he'd been close to tears throughout the entire ceremony. Otogi's bright idea in action: Joey marrying Tristan since, technically and supposedly, he and Hot Dog were now one. Or at least they would be until the meat hit Tristan's lower intestine.

Charlie cleared his throat uneasily and the guests who were chauffeured back into the chapel all clapped. Otogi whistled and, in the heat of the moment, threw his underwear at the altar.

Joey pulled the lacey panties off his head and smiled at Tristan. "I'm so happy! I've got my fiancée and my best friend back! A two-for-one deal!"

Tristan sneered, "You bargain hunter."

Otogi hooted, getting up from his seat and hugged both Joey and Tristan. He turned to the brunette, "Come on, Tristan, throw the bouquet!"

"Why?"

"It's tradition, dammit!"

"… Fine."

"Yay! Okay, everybody get ready!"

All the female guests and Malik, Ryou and Otogi stood in the middle of the aisle so as to get the best chance of catching the flowers. Tristan turned around and then threw them over his head. Otogi ended up breaking some limbs to get to the flowers but they eluded his grasp and bounced off Ryou's head and into the hands of a young boy.

Mokuba blinked, looking at it and then up at his brother. "Look, Seto!"

"… You're too young for that." He snatched them up and put the bouquet in his blazer.

"So tell us, Tristan," Malik began, smiling at the two newlyweds, "whose house will you be living in?"

"Mine, of course," said Otogi. "After all, we three will be sharing a bed."

"Ooh," Ryou giggled.

Joey frowned objectively, "Who said anything about sharing a bed with you?"

Tristan narrowed his eyes at Joey, "Who said anything about a bed at all? I'm not sleeping in the same bed as you."

"But what about our wedding night?"

"THERE WILL BE NO WEDDING NIGHT!"

"I'll say," Otogi nodded sagely, "Not without me."

"OTOGI!"

.0.0.

Joey and Tristan stayed married long after Hot Dog "came and went". They did end up living in Otogi's house only because Joey was evicted from his apartment and Tristan's house was repossessed soon after his mother passed away. The neighborhood was abuzz with much gossip about the screaming that went on in that house after dark but when asked, Tristan said they stayed up all night playing violent videogames. Coincidently, only part of the lie was true.

Bakura never did really get over the pool incident involving Marik and Ryou but he asked no questions when Ryou snuck out late at night to go to a private pool party being hosted by Marik himself. And as for the Kaiba brothers, Kaiba had a long talk with his brother about the boy's girl-like appearance and ways. The talk had little effect and Mokuba now cannot wait to go buy a prom dress.

Yami and Yugi eventually worked out that Yami would stay in one part of the Game Shop and Yugi in the other to prevent any unfortunate accidents. Unfortunately, poor Grandpa was often in Yami's side of the house and is now on life-support. Yami claims he simply wanted to test the limit of the human liver by giving it shocks of electricity.

As far as sadness goes for Hot Dog's untimely passing, Joey really doesn't think much about it anymore what with Tristan and Otogi around all the time to keep him occupied. And as far as Tristan's concerned, the only good thing that came from their marriage was that Joey no longer longs for the sweet caress of meat byproducts. But he still doesn't understand why the boy buys so much salami and never eats it.

I guess we'll never know.

* * *

**The End…**

* * *

Her Sweetness: BOOM! Can you say yay? C'mon, this took me a long time! I'm so happy it's finished. Let's celebrate!

How, you ask?

Why, with a review of course! Come on, you know you want to.

Goodbye and Goodluck!


End file.
